My second trip at Burning Man was on my third night there. Approximately fifteen or twenty of the people in my camp gathered together for a group MDMA trip. This was my first MDMA experience in this setting. Previously I had done it twice by with a couple of close friends (although in both of those experiences I was the only one on ecstasy) and twice at raves (the last time in combination with LSD). I was eager to try it in a larger group of friends, as I had heard good things about it in that context.
Before beginning we had an opening circle. We gathered in the main dome and sat in a rough circle, taking turns speaking. Mostly we just reintroduced ourselves to one another, as many of us were meeting in the flesh for the first time, having known each other as words on a screen previously. Several people mentioned how glad they were to be there in such an amazing group of people. After our circle, the MDMA was distributed. I took 130 mg, the first time I have had a chance to know for sure the dosage I was getting and what was probably my largest dose.
Within fifteen to twenty minutes I felt the first alerts, a sort of tingling warmth and an awareness of alteration of consciousness. At that time I was sitting with three or four people from our camp, none of whom were on MDMA (one had taken 2CB). I was fairly quiet, mostly just listening to their conversation and waiting for the drugs to take hold.
Another person from our camp came over to talk to me. He was on MDMA, although he had taken his an hour or so before we had. He sat down and thanked me for helping him feel welcome and have a good time when he had visited my hometown a few months back. We started talking about various things, our conversation easy and friendly and floating from topic to topic.
By now I was well under the influence of the drug. I felt extremely good, happy to be where I was, energetic and euphoric. MDMA, for me, has a characteristic signature that includes a "loosening" feeling in my chest, making it easier to breathe (not that I ever find it difficult) and making breathing a pleasurable feeling. I had some jaw clench and teeth chatters, but no eye wiggle, or nystagmus.
Everyone was extremely friendly. People were hugging, touching and talking earnestly to one another. The energy of the dome was tremendously warm and sharing. It felt wonderful and really reinforced the characteristic ecstasy effects. It was like we were all feeding back into one another, driving our trips higher and higher.
Another friend, one of the ones most dear to me there, came up and apologized for an incident that had occurred between us some months before. I thanked him for the apology while telling him that I totally understood and had forgiven him long before. We had a huge hug and it felt really wonderful to connect and release any vestige of anger or negativity I had carried towards him.
One of my new friends, a lovely girl from Seattle I had met, gave me an incredible massage that left me glowing. MDMA focuses one's attention on and enhances the sensual to a fantastic degree, and there are few things more sensually pleasing than a good massage. Highly recommended.
I was extremely touchy. I touched pretty much everyone that came near me, giving impromptu backrubs hugs and what not to everyone within reach. It felt excellent, both physically and emotionally to be touching and touched by others. Intellectually it occurred to me that this was not my normal behavior, as I often feel a little awkward touching people. As I have mentioned before, I am working on getting over this, and this experience helped me hugely. I talked to several people about it, and they all agreed that people don't touch one another as much as they should. Since this experience I have felt much more comfortable being physically demonstrative of my feelings toward people that I care about.
The people I was with amazed me. I tend to be extremely picky about the people I hang out with, and it is rare for me to meet someone who impresses me to any substantial degree. Here, I found that almost without exception, everyone around me was incredibly cool. I took the opportunity to tell many of them this. Several people told me how much they liked me and enjoyed my energy. It was easy for me to accept their compliments, although I usually have a difficult time accepting praise, especially from people who I find impressive.
The whole trip seemed to be about talking and touching, sharing and expressing feelings for one another. It was wonderful to be able to open up and express myself without my usual defenses getting in the way. I think that defenses are a useful thing, but it is also useful to be able to set them aside and open up from time to time.
None of our conversations were earth shakingly profound in content, but it was an excellent bonding experience. It was wonderful to talk to people, hear their stories and tell them mine, letting us get closer and accelerating the normal getting to know you process.
As the night wore on people wandered off to bed, to be alone, etc. Around the fourth or fifth hour I was feeling fairly down, with just residual effects left (including one hell of an afterglow!). I took 2.5 grams of GHB to ease the come down. GHB has a similar effect on my personality as X does, making me chatty and prone to socialize, although the actual feelings of the two drugs aren't particularly similar. In particular GHB seems to lack the deep empathogenic feelings of MDMA. In any case, the G allowed me to continue the evening in a similar vein, hanging and talking to friends as the sun came up. Over the next two hours we smoked a bit of pot and I boosted the GHB every hour or so, taking an additional gram each time.
Around 6:30 a.m., as the sun was coming up I dozed off sitting in a chair. I remember falling asleep and jerking awake, seemingly moments later. However, I found out later that I had been asleep for some time. Apparently the people I was with had noticed I had nodded off and had tried to rouse me, but were unable to do so. Luckily they knew I had taken some GHB, or they might have called for help, which would have been embarrassing, to say the least. I mention this as a precautionary tale. My reading indicates that GHB is extremely safe if not mixed with alcohol or other depressants (barbiturates, tranquilizers, whatever). However, it is used as a sleep aid, and it can be difficult or impossible to rouse someone from a GHB induced sleep. If you use GHB, make SURE that your friends know what you are doing so they don't call the EMTs if you take too much, fall asleep and they can't wake you. And of course, don't be stupid and mix it with depressants, as this can have a synergistic effect that can stop your respiration, leading to death. As a final note, don't take my word that it is fairly safe. There is lots of information available about GHB on the net and elsewhere. Read it before you consider trying any.
This was an excellent, excellent trip. Definitely my best MDMA experience to date. It was a prototypical group MDMA experience, which led to longer term bonding. Many of the people in the group I camped with had known one another for years, and many had just met in person. Before this trip, many of us (myself included) felt a little outside the group, even though everyone was extremely friendly. Afterward, I don't think this was the case among those who did the X. When people came by and asked what our camp was about I originally said something like "Well, they are…" After this trip I said, "We are…" A simple but profound change in perspective. I have noticed that recall of the details of the night escape me. My memories are sort of impressionistic, warm and fuzzy. This is in marked contrast to memories of my 2CB experiences, which doesn't surprise me. 2CB seems much more intellectual, thoughtful and hard edged, while MDMA is soft, emotional and liquid. I suspect (and have heard) that the combination of the two can be very positive, and with luck I will get the opportunity to find out whether this is true in the near future. This trip has also deepened my appreciation of MDMA a great deal. I still don't consider it a true psychedelic, but it definitely has its own unique place, and it is a true entheogen.