Two weeks after my last rave I had made plans to go to another. Unfortunately, the guy I planned on going with flaked on me, leaving me with no way to get there. I was also rather angry and disgusted at him for making plans and flaking at the last minute. Rather than dwell on it I decided to take some acid at home and see what could be salvaged from the evening.

At 11:00 p.m. or so I took four hits of acid and went out into my yard to await its onset. I lay in my yard watching the sky and listening to the crickets chirp. It was a lovely evening and I quite enjoyed being outside. After a while I started wondering if the acid was going to work, as I was feeling only slight alerts.

I went inside and saw that almost exactly an hour had passed. This reassured me a bit, as I thought it had been longer than that, but I still thought I should be feeling more from the dose I took. I decided to smoke some 5-MeO-DMT to try and "kick start" the trip a bit. I went into my room and prepared a hit. I smoked it sitting on my floor and lay down as it was coming on.

I realized quickly that I had smoked less than I had planned on. Still, it took me pretty far, and I was soon enmeshed in the cosmic vibration of the carrier wave of creation. As I came back I was definitely tripping harder, and the trip had taken on a sort of 5-MeO "flavor". I was still wasn't tripping as hard as I had hoped and thought about doing a booster.

As has happened several times before I was infused with a heightened sexual awareness after the 5-MeO. I decided to masturbate. I didn't fantasize or think any sexual thoughts, just concentrated on the sensation. It was quite pleasant and I had a good orgasm. Masturbation on psychedelics isn't as nice as sex on psychedelics, but it is still nice.

By this time it was 12:30 a.m. I decided to boost my trip with two more hits and did so. I then went into my living room to play some music.

I put on Radiohead's OK Computer album and sat back to enjoy it. From the opening chords I was completely into the music. It sounded incredible, as music on acid often does. By the third or fourth song I totally lost myself in the music. I closed my eyes and forgot who and where I was, immersing myself in the wall of sound pouring out of my speakers and the flowing, flowered visions of jewel like clarity expanding behind my eyes. As the album progressed my inebriation deepened, and I think I peaked around the eighth song.

At some point during the album I smoked an "herbal cigarette" made of damiana. It tasted OK, but I realized about halfway through it that it was far too much like smoking a tobacco cigarette for my taste. It was a sort of flashback to my smoking days and I realized that I was done with smoking cigarettes period, tobacco or any other type. It felt good and reaffirmed my desire to stay quit as well as my ability to do so. There is just no real temptation to smoke for me anymore.

After Radiohead ended Tool's Undertow started and I was so impressed by the first few songs I decided to walk to a friend's house and borrow his copy of their Aenima album (mine was loaned out at the time). I put on my shoes and walked outside into the living, breathing night.

I was tripping quite hard at this time. I was on six hits of acid, probably my largest dose ever. I was just off the peak of the peak. The alley I walked through on the way to my friend's house was crawling with visions. It appeared there was a domed roof over it, composed of writhing colors in abstract patterns of fractal origin which came to a point at the "mouth" of the alley. These were some of the most intense eyes open visuals I had ever seen.

When I arrived I found he was not there. I sat on his porch for a while, enjoying the night and watching beautiful colors form and drip down the walls around me. I sat there for ten or fifteen minutes before heading home.

Once I got home I thought about playing some more music, but decided to play my drum instead. I grabbed it and began beating out simple patterns on it. The feel and sound of it and the way they corresponded was fantastically cool. It fascinated me and I played with it for close to an hour. Afterwards I just lay on the floor, watching visuals in the air in front of me and enjoying my trip.

After a while I walked back to my friend's house to see if he had arrived home yet. Again, the walk over was colorful and animated, but not to the degree that it had been earlier. He still wasn't home, so I sat in his front yard for ten or fifteen minutes, trying to decided f I should wait for him. I finally decided it wasn't important and headed home again.

Once I returned I sat down just inside my front door (which I left open) and enjoyed the night. I thought about listening to some more music, but couldn't decide what to listen to. I was pretty content to just lie on the floor and chill. I thought about my friend flaking on me and I realized that my anger and disgust at his unreliability, while probably justified, was fairly useless to me. I forgave him, but decided not to make plans with him in the future rather than dwelling on his act and carrying a grudge.

A while later I played some more Tool, but after a few songs I turned it off, as the moment had passed. I decided to lie down and rest at this time. I doubted I would be able to sleep, but thought it might be nice to just relax.

Within a few minutes I knew sleep was a while off. Although I was coming down, my mind was still racing through hundreds of thoughts a minute seemingly. I started thinking about my daughter and how much I wanted to see her. I decided to get up and ride my bike over to her house.

I had a nice leisurely bike ride over there as the sun rose. On the way I saw a family of raccoons playing on a tree and stopped to watch them for a while. They were really interesting to me, and it was cool to see wildlife in the middle of town at 5:30 on a Sunday morning.

I arrived at about 5:45 a.m., which is way too early to visit anyone. I climbed up into the tree house in their front yard to await a more human hour. Being up above everything was very peaceful, and I felt very close to the tree itself. I spent over an hour up there watching the sunlight filtering through the leaves. It was quite lovely.

At 7:00 a.m. I climbed down and sat in the back yard until I heard a baby crying, a sure sign that someone would be up. I went and knocked on the door and was greeted by my ex wife. We sat down and chatted while she fed her youngest daughter and woke up. After a short time, my daughter woke up and came out to talk to me.

I enjoyed her presence a great deal. I wasn't tripping particularly hard anymore, but I was still in an emotionally and psychically open state which allowed me to feel very close to her, even more so than usual. Before long my ex-wife's husband woke up and we all sat around and chatted together and smoked some pot. Another friend came over before noon and we all walked to a park and then went to lunch together. In early afternoon I went home and took a nap, going to bed at a fairly normal time that night and awaking the next day feeling fine.

This was a fun trip. Although it wasn't earth shakingly profound it definitely had some beneficial aspects. I thought a lot about my daughter and how much I love her. I let go of my anger at my friend for flaking on me, putting the whole situation into perspective. I remembered why I quit smoking and knew that it was something I would never do again. And I had a great time and relieved some stress.