After my last trip I had decided to take some time off from psychedelics to try and integrate some of my insights and evaluate the things I had become aware of through my recent experiences. After a month I decided it was time to visit the imaginal realms again. After some consideration I chose to journey with 5-MeO-DMT.
My intentions for the trip were to explore the ineffable 5-MeO experience to a greater degree. My previous experiences with it had all been good and I felt that there was much more to be learned. In particular there were a couple of aspects I had become aware of on previous trips that I wished to explore further. One was stress relief. Work had been stressing me out to a fairly high degree the past few weeks and I hoped to experience the extremely peaceful "afterglow" that 5-MeO often leaves me with. Another thing was the sexual aspect of 5-MeO. On several earlier trips I had felt a heightened sexual awareness and a sense of being sexually charged up after coming back from a 5-MeO shot. I should specify that the 5-MeO experience itself doesn't seem to be sexual, since it always seems far too out of body to have any sexual aspects. It is the "afterglow" that usually leaves me, for lack of a better word, horny. Lastly, I hoped to gain some insight into a situation in my life that was perplexing me to some degree.
I loaded up a bit of 5-Me0 on top of some ash and slowly heated and vaporized the small amount of white crystal while inhaling the vapors. I had time to set the pipe down and think (as I so often do…) "This isn't going to be as intense as my last experience…" before being thrust seemingly into a full being experience of the full on objective nature of the raw, unfiltered universe.
The experience is completely ecstatic (i.e. out of body). It is a sensation of being part of the folding, non-Euclidean geometry of the universe. A realization of being on a quantum level. I have read theories that the 5-MeO and DMT experiences are some sort of pre-death/near death experience, and it is easy to see how one could come to that conclusion. It is a very completely egoless state. I think that the stress relieving aspect of it comes from the realization, however brief, of the smallness and pettiness of ones worldly concerns in the face of the seemingly certain knowledge of something bigger, the feeling that "this too shall pass", a glimpse of the eternal behind everything.
As I came back I went into another room for some privacy to masturbate. I didn't feel the sexual charge to the same degree as I had on previous trips, but I had already decided to try an experiment and was determined to carry it out. It was less than spectacular and had a sort of desperate quality to it. The only positive thing about it was that I had a flash of insight into my sexuality, a realization that much of my sex life has been an acting out of a repressed trauma from my childhood that had recently come to light during an LSD trip.
After that I still felt the aftershock of the 5-MeO as a sort of energy tremor coursing throughout my body, a not unpleasant sensation. My stress from work was indeed reduced considerably, but I wasn't as at peace as I have been in past experiences, probably because of the somewhat strange quality of my sexual experiment. Even so, I felt quite good afterwards and was happy with the results of the trip. Although I hadn't gotten much insight into the question I had in my mind going in other than a sort of generic feeling to tread lightly, I had gotten more insight into something else potentially more valuable. Overall it was an excellent trip and a great reintroduction to entheogens after my month long fast.