Roughly four months after my first ayahuasca journey I had the opportunity to try it for a second time. On this journey there were three fellow travelers and the facilitator present. The facilitator and one of my fellow travelers I knew from my last experience. The other two trippers (one male, one female) I had met that day for the first time.

After a little time to get acquainted and a few opening rituals we got started. I had indicated to our guide that I wished to go a little deeper this time. He suggested I up my dose of harmala alkaloids and use the same amount of DMT, with a booster later if I needed it. My dosage this time was 475 mg mixed harmala alkaloids (2:1 harmine/harmaline), 75 mg DMT, and a tea made of 1.5 grams of mushrooms. The DMT and harmala were taken in capsules, the harmala first followed about 20 minutes later by the tea and DMT capsule. This was the first thing other than water I had ingested for nearly 23 hours.

By the time I took the DMT I was feeling slight effects from the harmala. Within minutes of washing down the DMT capsule with mushroom tea I had my first alert, a tightness in my head very familiar from past mushroom excursions. Soon after that I began to feel a vibration taking shape in my middle (middle along the left/right axis, not top/bottom). I lay down on my back and the vibration moved up to my head and shoulders. I began to get the feeling it was going to be a powerful experience.

I lay on the floor with eyes closed counting my breath and watching for the first signs. My powers of concentration seemed very keen. As thoughts came into my head I observed them and let them go. As I have experienced with 5-MeO-DMT, it seemed to facilitate meditation, at least at this early stage. As I lay there counting my breath and not thinking the effects were slowly ramping up. For a while my stomach felt pretty good and I thought I might be able to escape the nausea. Alas, this was not to be.

I started to feel cold and nauseous about the same time. I put on a flannel shirt I had brought with me and continued to focus on my breathing. During this time my thoughts were coming at an accelerated rate. I considered a number of things in my life and everything seemed to be in good shape. During my first ayahuasca experience I had a lot of negativity to deal with for the early stages of the trip. One issue in particular had plagued me. The same issue had come up again, on an LSD trip earlier in the week and I had finally managed to resolve it a few days before. I was relieved to be free of it and felt I would have the opportunity to work on some more positive things this time around.

I continued to feel cold and decided to get underneath my blankets. Soon after I did I began to feel really sick and knew I was going to puke. I grabbed my bucket and threw up into it. I was relieved to find it was considerably less painful than my first experience of puking up ayahuasca. Afterwards my nausea was lessened considerably and I felt exhilarated. I was ready to get into the deep visionary aspect of the trip and figured that, like last time, I would be more or less free of nausea for the rest of the evening. Little did I know.

Within 20 minutes my nausea began to build again. Within 30 minutes I knew I was going to be sick at least once more. Fifteen minutes or so after that I was proven right. My second purge was much more painful than my first since my stomach was now completely empty and after I finished I still felt very queasy. I was also aware that I had to use the bathroom but I didn't feel up to making the journey. I decided to wait a little while to see if my nausea subsided any.

During this time I was tripping pretty decently. It did feel slightly more intense than my first journey, but my nausea kept me from enjoying it or even being able to focus much on it. My stomach had most or all of my attention. My eyes closed visuals were fleeting, but I had a tendency to slip into fantasy and become involved deeply in my thoughts and feelings. With eyes open the visuals were more impressive. Any movement of my head caused the world to fragment and get quite jumbled. It was quite easy to lose my perspective of where I actually was in the room. Unfortunately it also intensified my nausea to pay attention to anything external for more than a few seconds. All I was inclined to do was lie very still and try not to be sick.

My need to use the bathroom intensified, but so did my nausea. I began to feel trapped between my churning stomach and my need to use the bathroom. I kept trying to get up and failing. The idea of making the journey to the bathroom (which was all of maybe 200 feet away from where I was lying) seemed monumental, insurmountable. I kept looking towards it and urging myself to get up, but I couldn't seem to summon the will to do it. Every time I would actually move my stomach would clench up. I desperately wanted to avoid throwing up again, but there was no helping it. Again I vomited, and it was even more painful than the previous two times. I became aware I was becoming dehydrated, but drinking water seemed to upset my stomach even more.

About this time my facilitator came over to see if I needed anything. I asked him to help me to the bathroom. I had to lean against him for support as we walked the short distance and I had to bring my bucket, as I still felt in danger of being sick. Once there I had the fun experience of purging at the other end, which was actually somewhat of a relief. I spent what seemed like quite a while in there. I was tripping pretty hard, but it was more of a head/body trip than a visionary experience. I felt disoriented, very sick and a little poisoned.

After I finished and managed to drink a little water I began the arduous trek back to the journey room. The room seemed to wobble and I almost fell a couple of times, necessitating a brief stop to realign myself and get my balance again. I finally made it back to my place and lay back down.

By this time I was resigned to the fact that nausea was going to rule this experience. Even after throwing up three times, I still felt very sick. The constant turmoil in my gut made it very difficult for me to break through to any sort of visionary state. The few times that I did were very brief and fleeting. I did feel like I was receiving a lot of information, but it was difficult to pay attention or retain any of it.

All through this I was shaking, twitching and occasionally making small, desperate noises. I felt somewhat like I was possessed, perhaps by harmala spirits. I definitely didn't feel in control of my body as it moved and twisted seemingly of its own accord. I have read accounts of ayahuasca shamans battling with spirits and I think I know where this perception comes from. I certainly felt as if I were in some sort of struggle. I began to wish that the trip would be over so I could be free of the sickness. By this time I was even beginning to wonder if I would ever stop being sick. Thoughts of having to call in to work sick began to enter into my head. I thought about smoking some cannabis, but I wasn't sure that it would help, and was afraid it might disorient me or even make the nausea worse. In retrospect, I probably should have tried it, since I don't think it could possibly have been worse.

My guide tried to help. He had me lie on my back and applied pressure to two points on my chest/shoulder region. It had an interesting effect and seemed to set my mind loose to wander a bit, but after a few minutes of freedom I was yanked violently back to my body to puke yet again.

I heard my companions get sick as well, but no one seemed to be having as rough of a time with it as I did, until towards the end of the journey, when my female companion became quite ill. Interestingly enough, around the time I was feeling slightly better was when she seemed to get it. Perhaps that it is just when I noticed.

All in all I was sick five or six times (I lost count). I have never been that sick before and I pray that I am never that sick again. I occasionally wished I could die just to end my misery. I prayed and begged for it to end. It was remarkably unpleasant.

Even considering all of that, it was still a worthwhile trip. As I said, I felt I downloaded a fair amount of info. As last time, I gave a lot of thought to integrating the sacred aspects of my life. I was presented with numerous examples of how to do this. I also received warnings about unpleasant situations I could become involved in if I wasn't careful. I thought a lot about ritual and its part in people's lives. Evolution, language and religion also came up. I think if I hadn't been so busy being sick this would have been an incredibly profound trip. With practice, I'm sure I could learn to focus through the sickness and get as much out of it even while being violently ill. However, the idea of doing that enough to practice is largely unappealing.

I feel that the nausea itself was in some way beneficial. By the third or fourth time I was sick I was able to pay attention even as I was vomiting. I became very familiar with my stomach and the actual process of voiding it. In a way I learned how to puke. I could be wrong, but I feel my nausea on future trips (ayahuasca or whatever) will be easier to deal with and manage.

After I was mostly down I smoked some really good cannabis to help me sleep and relax my stomach's lingering unease. It momentarily kicked the trip back in, as my visuals returned in full force. While it lasted it was quite nice, since it was the first time I had been nausea free for the entire trip. I was able to go right to sleep once I went to bed. I slept five hours or so and awoke feeling pretty good, but still tired.

I think the extra 75 mg (compared to my first experience) of harmala alkaloids was responsible for making the nausea so much worse. It is hard to say, given so little data, but that it is the only thing dosage wise that had changed from the first time. Next time I think I would like to try more DMT and less harmala to see how that affects me. One noteworthy thing is that although my research indicates that ayahuasca is generally a 3-5 hour trip, this lasted nearly 8 hours. I can only speculate, but I think it may be the unusually large dose of harmala alkaloids that accounts for the duration of the trip, since I have read that 150-250 mg is usually enough for potentiation. Perhaps further experiments will provide more data.

So even though it was ruled by sickness, it was still very positive. Having said that, it may be a while before I try ayahuasca again. Although I feel it is very rewarding, I am (quite frankly) afraid of going through an ordeal like that again. Then again, perhaps I will have changed my mind by the time the next opportunity presents itself. Only time will tell.