Before I start on that experience I want to say a few things about the state of life I was in at that time. I was in a lot of stress because I rented my original room to a subtenant because I couldn’t stand to live in that flat share anymore (too much annoying people, always on drugs, very noisy & dirty, eating my food away etc.). This guy paid me a rent once and then never again. But I couldn’t get him out legally and without using violence which I am totally opposed of, so I had to pay his rent, the rent for my one room apartment I was living in and a huge debt I owned to a friend. I managed this by having five jobs at once (bar keeper, waiter, stage hand, cook and managing the logistics in a club).
That meant I didn’t have much time for sleeping so Speed was the answer. I used up to 5 grams per week and lots of alcohol to keep my mood swinging, sometimes not sleeping for about 3-4 days. I was totally stressed out, lonely and frustrated at that time. It was the worst period of my life so far. During that period I got close to a colleague from work – let’s call him C - that was a really nice guy but a heavy coke user. He developed a real addictive usage with using up to 2 grams in one evening all alone in his apartment. I always wondered how he managed to pay for all this. I never really liked coke but he always offered me some for free and of course I never said no.
At one point I had to move back to my mother’s (at the age of 24!) feeling like a total loser, ashamed of me and just wanting to get my shit together. When this experience took place she was on a one week vacation. I came home after work and was drunk. I still had some beers and some vodka so I drunk even more. In my binge that crazy idea of having a huge amount of coke at once came into my head. It was 5am but I called C and asked him if I can come over. He agreed so I went out.
I arrived at his place and I told him about my plan and asked him if he had some coke to sell. He had some and I purchased ½ gram for 50 Deutschmarks. I made one line out of all of it and snorted it nasally. It really kicked in, made me feel sober from alcohol at once and gave me a nice nervous euphoria that lasted for about an hour. Damn coke, it’s always a fake, not lasting a bit. I was disappointed because I expected to have a real coke trip like I had my first times, but what the heck. My friend was with his girl friend and she had some Salvia Divinorum with her. I had tried that before and always found it quite pleasing so I suggested to smoke some. They agreed. C put some in a bowl handing it to me. I smoked without reflecting any further.
Just a few seconds later I had a strange feeling of splitting up. It was as if my whole body and consciousness were departed in the middle and each half relocated itself from the other. It was a real physical and awkward feeling, my left side seemed to be like 10 centimeters more to the front than my right side (I guess in reality I was just squinting). Furthermore I totally forgot that I had smoked Salvia and suddenly I wasn’t sure why I was here with them anymore. I felt that I was on some kind of psychedelic and I was quite paranoid, too. I had a cup of tea before and I blamed them that they had put me some LSD in it to make fun out of me. Of course they denied it but I was totally convinced. I just couldn’t stand their company anymore so I made an excuse to have to go to the toilet.
There I was sitting now with my pants dropped but without peeing or anything else. I just put my head into my hands and tried to relax my psyche. After ten minutes the feeling decreased and I felt ready to go out again. As I closed the door to the bathroom I remembered again that I had been smoking Salvia and that that was the reason for my strange feeling. I suddenly realized my strange behavior and I laughed my ass of with my friends who have been really worried about my – what they called – psychotic behavior.
This has been years ago and I never smoked Salvia again. I guess that bad feeling was after all just a result of my bad overall feeling about life that I had at that time combined with the synergy of coke and alcohol, two drugs I usually wouldn’t combine with psychedelics. But it really scared me because it was the first and so far only time that I really lost control over my power of judgment. I’ve been on some weird trips on acid and shrooms before but no matter how strange or scary it became, I always knew where I was and what I was on.
