Plants - Drugs Mind - Spirit Freedom - Law Arts - Culture Library  
Donations MATCHED in September
Contribute $20 or more during our annual support-a-thon
and your donation will be DOUBLED.
Help spread accurate info about psychoactive substances!
Misc Psychoactive Jokes
Collected by Erowid
Created Sep 9, 2001 (last updated Nov 18 2020)

Ravers Stop At Gas Station#
Tiffunny submitted (Nov 18 2020):

Why did the ravers stop at a gas station??

~Because they were on E!
Fire Engine
TB submitted:

Two guys are sitting on the porch of their house, tripping on LSD. Suddenly, a firetruck races down the street, flashing its lights and howling its sirens.

After it passes, one tripper turns to the other and says, "Man, I thought he'd never go away!"

"LSD is a substance which can cause psychotic reactions in people that don't take it." - Tim Leary (? year, reference?)

Annie submitted:

Two guys sitting in a 2nd floor apartment, totally psychedelicized. One turns on a flashlight and shines it out the window, and they both trip on the light beam that goes from the flashlight into the sky.

One guy says to the other, "You know, I'll bet you could walk all the way up that beam of light into the sky!"

The other replies, "You must think I'm really stoned! We both know that as soon as I got halfway up, you'd turn off the flashlight."

A young man on acid walked into a dentist's office and said, " Can you help me? I think I'm a moth."

The dentist said, "You don't need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist."

"Yes, I know," the man said.

The dentist asked, "So then why did you come in here?"

The man replied, "The light was on."

If God dropped acid, would he see people? - Steven Wright

Purpler submitted:

Q: What's the difference between a tweaker and a junkie?
A: They'll both steal your stuff, but the tweaker will help you look for it the next morning.

An Erowid reader submitted:

Q: What do you call somebody who's been up for 14 days?
A: A two-weeker!

The Rabbit and the Lion
Author Unknown, Archived by Erowid, 06/2001

A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come with me running through the forest, you'll see, you'll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.

Then they come across an elephant doing coke, so the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come running with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel So good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.

The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up and the rabbit again says, "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! ... Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the shit out of the rabbit.

As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this?! He was merely trying to help us all!" The lion answers, "That little fucker! He makes me run around the forest like an idiot every time he's on ecstasy!"

Cocaine is God's way of saying you have too much money. - Robin Williams
I tried snorting coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose! - Unknown

Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs. - Lily Tomlin

If you have a joke you'd like to submit, please do so here.