Citation: Lucy. "The Infinite Beauty of the Snow: An Experience with LSD (exp99985)". Erowid.org. Apr 22, 2013. erowid.org/exp/99985
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The experience I am about to write about has changed my life completely. About a year ago I took acid for the first time. A regular smoker of weed, the other drugs I had tried before acid were MDMA, coke, mephedrone and ketamine. My other drug experiences don't come close in terms of intensity and life-changing ability as my acid experience did.
First of all, I feel like I need to outline the fact that I was with my ex-boyfriend (with whom I'd decided to stay friends- although that has changed now) and his friends (4 of us all together). Sober, I felt completely comfortable with these people. I had a respect for acid before I'd tried it and therefore listened to my friends who had already taken it and I put myself in a setting in which I felt relaxed and myself (as they had directed me to). I took it inside, with purposefully placed wall-hangings and mattresses on the floor with a big set of speakers near by, with the ipod already playing deep house/liquid drum and bass.
I took my first tab (I do not know how the dosage exactly was as I never asked), and about an hour later we found ourselves outside in the snow. I have never seen anything so beautiful as I did that first hour or so. Snow is detailed naturally, and I have always enjoyed examining snowflakes, but on acid it was infinitely more beautiful, and I mean infinitely in its' purest definition. I felt no negatives at this point, I even stripped off to see if I could feel cold in a bad way and I did not. The only reason I put my top/trousers back on was because I could tell I was freaking out my friends who thought I was going to get hyperthermia or something, and I did not want to scare them. Other than the infinite beauty of the snow, I can remember the trees of the park we were in were waving at me, and my friends faces were slowly becoming more and more warpy.
At this point, I felt amazing- kind of like my best experience on MDMA times a hundred, but I was still concious and aware of the fact that I was not 'tripping' like my friends had described it- my eyesight seemed a much better quality, but it was still MY eyesight. I took another tab, and about half an hour later stuff really started to kick off. I remember no gradual feeling, all I know is at one point I was seeing reality and the next moment I was seeing either reality with visuals, or a completely imagined one (to this day I do not know). I remember at this point going 'blind'. I could feel that my eyes were open, but I was seeing a cartoon; one which had no relation to my normal reality. There was nothing in this cartoon which had any relation to myself or to my normal surroundings. At this point, I panicked and for a few hours, I guess (I say guess because I do not know how much time I spent in this mind-space) my experience was not enjoyable.
It felt like I was stuck in a loop, and I one hundred percent thought, during this time, that I was not coming back and I can remember thinking 'I could be in a mental hospital right now and I would not know'. I had many bad 'trips' during this time. For instance, at one point (I again do not know how long for, but it felt like forever) I was 'dead', and I could feel my chest being pumped (this feeling was probably stemming from heavy breathing). I could hear my family, my mother and sisters, shouting 'come on, come back to us' and I spent a while trying mentally to do just that.
This feeling of being dead happened a few times, in a few different ways- my mind was stuck in what felt like a 3 second loop and every now and then this feeling of being stuck in a loop became too much to handle and I think this is why I believed I was dying. In that previous trip, I was told I was dying by my family, but then another thing happened; I accepted my death fully, later on, which in itself is a bit of a death I think! When I did this, and I really don't know how long I had been on acid for at this point, I melted away. I lost control fully but it did not scare me anymore. I was not holding on to the real world and this is when I had a profound experience. The only way I can describe what I felt is that all at once I was nothing, but also part of everything. I did not know who I was, and had no memory of my life. This therefore meant that suddenly I was part of everything. I felt like I was floating in infinity, for infinity, but I do not know if I could even say there was an 'I', as in me, present during this time. I was seeing nothing but strange, blurred geometric patterns on a white backround, which would then dissolve into pure white and then black and so on and so forth. I do not know when, but at one point I must have fallen asleep.
I woke up the next day and was not 'blind' anymore- a huge relief. However, I was still mentally tripping and could not grasp time. This feeling of being disconnected from time completely lasted for around a week. I could not remember anything, and I have been told since that during this week my friends and family were scared of the way I was behaving. All I can say is sorry they felt like that. It took me a while to feel 'normal' again- whatever normal is, but I know that I now look at the world differently. Whilst I can remember having long periods of terrible feelings on that acid trip, I am thankful I did it because it honestly has made me who I am today. It was neither a good nor bad experience on the whole, but a learning one. Just like school- and for me at least, the time I spent on acid felt almost as long as my school career! A powerful drug, and one which I am amazed at for it's abilities- it has definitely affected my sober thought which is at once pretty scary, but if you look at it a different way it's pretty brilliant!
I don't think it's possible to describe it at all but I have done my best!
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