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Dying for 30 Seconds Straight
Heroin
by MJ
Citation:   MJ. "Dying for 30 Seconds Straight: An Experience with Heroin (exp99792)". Erowid.org. Nov 3, 2018. erowid.org/exp/99792

 
DOSE:
1 hit IV Heroin
BODY WEIGHT: 100 lb
[Erowid Note: The dose described in this report is very high, potentially beyond Erowid's 'heavy' range, and could pose serious health risks or result in unwanted, extreme effects. Sometimes extremely high doses reported are errors rather than actual doses used.]
Allow me to start is story with this: I'm a 17 year old druggie. Most people look at a tiny girl like me and think, 'there's no way she could be into drugs.' Lo and behold, I smoke pot almost every day, I was addicted to cocaine from the time I was 13 to when I was 15, I've done acid shrooms, pills, DXM, and more.

So when my girlfriend (yes, I am gay) told me she had heroin, I couldn't turn it down. I'm always looking for new ways to kill my brain so I can forget my past. The first time I shot up was not a very good experience. After feeling nothing for about 10 minutes, my body suddenly became heavy, everything turned into a slow motion movie, and I felt so dead. I proceeded to puke all over the sidewalk, swearing that I would never touch that shit again.

But the next time she had heroin, I couldn't say no.
I couldn't say no.
I'm too scared of needles to shoot up on my own, so my girlfriend does it for me, and after my first experience she was always sure to give me a low dose that led to an enjoyable and addictive high. I wasn't too addicted yet, but I couldn't say no every time she pulled out a spoon and a needle.

Spring break rolled around a few days ago, so I've been staying at her house. She bought a decent amount of heroin and every night after her parents fall asleep we shoot up.
Last night was different.

As she prepared to fill the syringe with heroin, I found myself wondering what it would be like if she gave me a bigger dose. I tied a bandana around my arm and she felt around for my veins.
'We gotta be careful, because this batch is strong.' She said.

As usual, I shut my eyes when the needle prodded my skin, waiting for the sting that would signal that she had hit the vein. I opened my eyes and looked down at the plunger. She began pushing the heroin into me. Right before she pulled the needle out, I whispered, 'Don't stop yet.' So she didnt. She gave me nearly three times as much as she usually gave me. This time, I felt nothing but my normal buzz. I untied the bandana and went to stand up.

Suddenly, my vision was clouded with millions of black spots. My head swirled and my stomach lurched. She quickly asked, 'Babe, are you okay?'
'I need to go to the bathroom, I might puke again.' I mumbled, struggling to stand and tottering towards the door, the black spots making it harder and harder to see. As I slipped out into the hallway I lost all sense of balance. I fell against the wall and struggled not to knock down any pictures. I had used her bathroom hundreds of times, but somehow I forgot where the light switch was. When I turned it on, I realized I was almost completely blinded by the black spots. I quietly shut the door and fell on the floor right in front of her toilet. All the strength left my body, but I fought to pull myself up onto the toilet.

Then, suddenly, the spots blinded me. I felt like someone had tied a rope around my head and was squeezing my skull. Then I couldn't hear. A lightning bolt soared through all my veins and I lost all feeling in my body. I was blind, deaf, and completely numb. I couldn't feel myself breathing.
I lost all feeling in my body. I was blind, deaf, and completely numb. I couldn't feel myself breathing.
I couldn't feel my heart beating. I was almost completely positive that I was dying. I remember wishing I could scream for my girlfriend but I was unable to control my mouth. I laid there, hunched over the toilet, dying,
The process barely lasted 30 seconds.
It was the longest 30 seconds of my life.

The first thing that came back was my ability to feel. I remember suddenly being aware of how cold the toilet was and how coated in sweat I had become. Then my eyesight returned, slowly, through a dwindling cloud of black and purple spots. My hearing took a bit longer to come back, and at first everything sounded like rushing water.

I stayed by the toilet for a few minutes, just in case a puked, but I didnt. I stood and returned to the bedroom. My knees were shaking, my hands were clammy, and I was covered in hot sweat. Though it had felt like hours, my girlfriend informed me that I had barely been gone for 5 minutes.

After telling her what had happened in the bathroom, she refused to let me shoot up any more for the rest of the night and the next day, which was probably the best decision she's ever made. And though I hate to admit it, being dead was probably the highest I've ever been. I find myself craving that high, desiring to fly to that level of unconsciousness again. I understand now why heroin is so addicting.

Exp Year: 2013ExpID: 99792
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 17
Published: Nov 3, 2018Views: 4,225
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Heroin (27) : Small Group (2-9) (17), General (1)

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Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the authors who submit them. Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.


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