Review Erowid at GreatNonprofits.org
Help us be a "Top Rated Nonprofit" again this year and spread
honest info (good or bad) about psychedelics & other psychoactive drugs.
("Share Your Story" link. Needs quick login creation but no verification of contact info)
Stuck in a Fever Dream
AMT
Citation:   Exedelic. "Stuck in a Fever Dream: An Experience with AMT (exp99702)". Erowid.org. Apr 30, 2013. erowid.org/exp/99702

 
DOSE:
40 mg oral AMT (powder / crystals)
BODY WEIGHT: 182 kg
Set and setting:

For the preceding couple of weeks before the trip I had experienced brief periods of depression, although they had been weirdly intermingled with optimism. I was not severely depressed, but I had been struggling with certain situations in my life, and thought a psychedelic experience could help, or at least provide a brief respite. I discovered aMT was originally developed as an antidepressant, and decided to give it a try. The goal of the experience was to provide, in equal measure, periods of introspection, and periods of pure escapism. I planned to be alone for the whole experience. It had been about a year since my last psychedelic experience.

I was in my room, which is medium-sized and fairly plain. I had no plans to go elsewhere, although I thought I might go for a walk if the mood so took me. I had fasted for ~4 hours before the experience. As I prepared the dose I was nervous, but excited.

Dosage and time:

I weighed out 40mg of the aMT on my scales, but they’re not great for small doses so I can’t be completely sure it was exactly 40mg. I dissolved the powder into a glass of water, and drank the mixture. The time is 7:26pm on a Friday evening. Surprisingly, the taste was fine; the chemical taste was evident, but by no means unpleasant.

Experience:

+0h05 I feel a very slight tightness in my stomach, which may or may not have been due to the ingestion of aMT. I notice my heart-rate is a little bit quick, and so decide to watch a Buddhist meditation video on YouTube to help me relax.

+0h15 Now much calmer, I begin to feel the first physical effects of the drug: a sort of heaviness in my head and stomach.

+0h30 The heaviness grows and I feel lethargic; a sort of numbness not dissimilar to medium-level alcohol intoxication. I had anticipated some nausea, so I put on some football and try to concentrate on breathing deeply. I am surprised to be feeling so tired, as it is still relatively early, and I had expected a stimulant-type effect. I decide to lie down for a bit.

+0h45 The heaviness increases some more and now the nausea begins to feel a bit unpleasant. However, I was expecting the nausea when coming up, and decide to focus on my breathing until it passes.

+1h00 I begin to notice the psychedelic effects. Objects in the room begin to shimmer and distort as I try to focus on them. I want to explore this further, but the room is close to pitch-black, and I am too nauseous to get up to turn the lights on. I hear music coming from the room above. The music is repetitive and bass-heavy, and I can’t be fully sure that it’s ‘real’. Perhaps it’s a combination of some real sound and an auditory hallucination. I can hear footsteps outside my door and I begin to get nervous; I had not told anyone I would be tripping, and feared that my housemates might overreact if they found me in my current state – immobilised on the floor with heavily dilated pupils – and seek emergency medical help. At this stage, that would have been a disaster.

The body load begins to worsen. The stimulant effects begin to kick in. I feel my teeth chatter uncontrollably, my heart rate rise, and a tingly feeling at the end of my limbs. This would normally be enjoyable, but the nausea hadn’t dissipated, and the added stimulation just made things worse. Making a conscious effort to move was deeply unpleasant, but I couldn’t stop myself from shaking. I was sweating quite profusely, but all of a sudden I would feel very cold.

I also have some (undiagnosed) joint condition, and the drug affected this somehow. As I lie down, stretching my body, the bones begin to crack. My neck, my back, my hip, my wrists - all creak with strain. This is a part of my everyday life and helps to relieve muscle tension, but I know that everything’s cracking a bit too freely, and I’ll be in pain for the next few days.

+1h30 Behind closed eyelids the visuals begin to get more intense. It’s not so much a hallucination as a waking dream. When I put conscious attention to it, I know that nothing I’m experiencing is real, but it is incredibly easy to close my eyes and live a dream. The content of the dreams appears to be no more significant than that of my ordinary dreams; a jumble of interconnected narratives, some triggered by specific events of the day, some completely random. There is nothing particularly mystical or awe-inspiring, but it is fairly intense nonetheless. I also begin to hear voices. A loud robotic voice repeatedly shouts something at me. It was forceful and unforgiving, but not threatening.

In the brief moments of lucidity I notice my thoughts are perhaps a little clearer than usual, but they come so quickly that I am unable to keep hold of them and follow them through to their natural conclusion. One moment I’ll be engrossed in a particular thought, and only a few seconds later I will be thinking about something else entirely, unable to re-capture the previous thought.

At this stage I am almost completely delirious. I am rolling around on the floor sweating, probably murmuring to myself. Every half an hour or so the body load suddenly disappears, and I finally get what I was searching for – interrupted moments of psychedelic intensity. I see geometric patterns on the walls and every object in the room shimmers uncontrollably. Unfortunately moments like this are few, and far between.

+3h00 The next hour and a half goes the same way. As I roll around on the floor, completely delirious, I realise that this must be how it feels to be insane. I have no control of my mind or my body. I am hearing voices, and if my mind ever strays to darker subject matter, there is nothing I can do to stop it, or argue against it logically. The feeling is very similar to the fever dream; a seemingly endless sequence of frightening dreams that my body is too weak to counter-act. My only comfort is knowing that, in a few hours the feeling will pass.

+3h40 I notice the visual hallucinations decrease in intensity. I am finally able to stand up and turn the lights on. I am able to fill a bottle with water, and use the toilet. I had been planning to eat during the trip, but the body load had made it impossible, and now I don’t want anything. As I sip tentatively at the water I am sceptical – I’m fine now, but isn’t this a 14 hour trip? Am I really only a third of the way through? I feel completely drained. The heaviness remains in my head and in my body. I decide to lie down again.

+8h00 Thankfully, the next four hours were much more gentle. I managed to get into bed with a duvet over me. I had read that sleep was nigh-on impossible on aMT so was just hoping to rest. Luckily though, I did drift off into brief period of sleep. It was light and easily disturbed, but sleep nonetheless. I’m not 100% sober, but I’m getting there and I feel calm. I still have mild headache and toothache, and my jaw feels tight.

+9h00 I now feel almost completely sober. I had planned to watch the sun-rise at this time, but my appreciation for nature is completely dwindled by my appreciation for sobriety. I put on a DVD box-set, and ride the rest of the trip out.

Post-trip thoughts:

The experience was not completely negative. Certainly it was very difficult in parts – perhaps the most difficult parts of my (admittedly short) adult life. I had read that through psychedelic introspection, one travels through hell to reach heaven. I travelled through hell to realise that heaven is found in sobriety. I realised that I had been taking for granted the basic fundamentals of humanity: love, security, friends and family. There is nothing wrong with searching for deeper truths through use of psychedelics, but I had been guilty of having an inadequate understanding of sober existence.

I would hesitate before using aMT again. I had not given enough respect to taking such a powerful psychedelic at a negative time in my life. I am not a seasoned psychonaut and the effects were often overwhelming. However, I did learn from the trip, and feel much better because of it. Now, 2 days later, a certain amount of body discomfort remains, but this is no doubt due to my own condition as well as the after-effects of the drug. It is clear that aMT can be enjoyable for some people, but in my opinion there are better psychedelics out there.

Exp Year: 2013ExpID: 99702
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 20
Published: Apr 30, 2013Views: 8,751
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
AMT (7) : Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Difficult Experiences (5), Alone (16)

COPYRIGHTS: All reports copyright Erowid.
TERMS OF USE: By accessing this page, you agree not to download, analyze, distill, reuse, digest, or feed into any AI-type system the report data without first contacting Erowid Center and receiving written permission.

Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the authors who submit them. Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.


Experience Vaults Index Full List of Substances Search Submit Report User Settings About Main Psychoactive Vaults