Citation: el_lobo. "My Eyes Seemed Brighter, More Alive: An Experience with Ketamine (exp99209)". Erowid.org. Sep 18, 2017. erowid.org/exp/99209
||(powder / crystals)
||(powder / crystals)
Ketamine as Anti-Depressant
I did a little experiment yesterday. I was on day three of a depressive cycle. I was in a downward spiral that was only getting worse. The triggers that were setting me off should have been ignorable. Nothing was enjoyable, I couldn't even enjoy my favourite show.
So I decided to do a little test of the efficacy of ketamine as a one time anti-depressant. Based on my reading of the medical literature and using dose chart to guide my conversion of amount injected to amount insufflated, I decided that a key bump would have the effect range I was looking for.
I insufflated that amount, put on a Nina Simone playlist, turned out my lights and laid down on my bed. After a time I grew impatient for some sort of effect and I dosed another key bump. Effects kicked in almost immediately. I suspect that they second dose was unnecessary.
A note is necessary at this point, I don't enjoy the effects of ketamine and wouldn't choose to use this substance recreationally. My plan was to simply wait out the effects and see how I felt after.
My plan was to simply wait out the effects and see how I felt after.
I put on Nina Simone precisely because it wasn't uplifting or happy music. I wasn't attempting metaprogramming to change my mind. I simply wanted to see what the substance could do as a chemical agent. And while my set might have been that ketamine could help me, my setting was that of a depressive episode, on my bed in a dark room with sad music playing.
After the obvious effects had passed away, I eventually left my room and sat out in the living room, Initially, I felt some grogginess but as that faded I noticed the unhappy impatient mood was gone. It was like a weight that had been pressing my down was washed out of my body. Things that had been aggravating me before now seemed mildly funny.
I'm writing this the day after and the depression that was on me before is simply gone. My mind seem clearer, more solution focused. And interestingly, when I saw my eyes in the mirror this morning they seemed brighter, more alive.
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