Citation: Mushroom Forest. "A Glimpse Into the Architecture of My Mind: An Experience with Ketamine & Nitrous Oxide (exp98680)". Erowid.org. Sep 3, 2017. erowid.org/exp/98680
My friend and I attended a ketamine party, hosted at a place Iíd visited several times before and felt safe in. There were a lot of people there I didnít know, and it was crowded at times, but everyone was friendly and I felt comfortable. I did not have any specific goals or expectations that night, other than to explore a new substance with the help of my friend. I was a bit nervous at first, as I had never done ketamine before, and had very little experience with dissociative drugs in general (my history consisted of a few inhalations of nitrous capsules and one experience with MXE). However, I had researched the drug beforehand on reputable websites and felt confidant in my intention to try it. Overall, I would say I was in a positive, excited mood upon arriving. I was also sober and well-rested.
I assume the substance made available that night was genuine ketamine, as the organizers of the event were experienced users and seemed totally confidant in what they were providing and using. I am unsure of the exact amount present, but others estimated it to be multiple grams.The ketamine was in powder form, continuously being laid out in lines by dextrous hands on a large glass table. As it was my first time, a few people suggested I test the waters with one of the smaller lines and go from there. Others, who presumably had more experience with the drug, started with two lines and came back for more periodically.
This was also my first time insufflating something, which was not as unpleasant as I imagined it would be. There was an energizing psychosomatic rush for the first few minutes until some discernable changes began to kick in. I felt somewhat removed from my body and the environment around me, plus a mild euphoria. Over the next 30 minutes or so, I relaxed on a couch by the ketamine table, drawing and socializing. The act of drawing required more concentration than usual, but I would not say my ability was strongly inhibited. My creative process was also affected and the resulting picture was a pyramidal maelstrom of fractal-like doodles featuring a mushroom erupting DNA, sandy piles of ketamine and more.
By the time I finished the drawing my first dose seemed to be wearing off, so I insufflated a slightly larger line of ketamine, and my friend did the same. Nothing could have prepared me for what came next. If my first dose were charted on a graph measuring its effects on me, this second dose would blast through the roof of that graph and spiral off into space!
Within minutes of my second dose, I was standing near the table when I was abruptly yanked into an extremely dissociative state. I did not have trouble balancing myself and was in no danger of falling, but any attempt at movement was a highly disorienting and alien procedure. At this point I became frightened, and seemed to be losing my grasp on who I was and what was happening, but my friend reassured me and we embraced in a wonderful hug for several minutes that made me feel much better.
During this hug, it was impossible to discern where my body ended and my friendís began. As we breathed in and out, our chests seemed to occupy the same space, undulating through and around each other. It was as though our bodies were a single, nebulous blob with our heads attached at the top. I struggled to find words for what was happening, but my friend did an excellent job by saying: ďI feel like Iím hugging myself.Ē
Eventually we ended the hug and slowly sat down on the floor. Once again feeling the need to stabilize my mind, I put my hand on his shoulder and my friend did the same to me. We stayed very still for awhile, and I felt rooted in place. In fact, it seemed to me that my friend and I were like two trees with our arms (branches) and legs (roots) intertwined as one. The strangest aspect of this was my hand resting on his shoulder, which at first felt numb and then lost all notion of ďhandnessĒ. Instead of feeling like my hand, it seemed to blend into the rest of my friendís being, such that my hand WAS my friend, and vice versa.
Forming coherent thoughts (or any thoughts, for that matter) was very difficult during this time, and it was as though my consciousness was detached from the mental resources required to do so. I donít know what would have happened otherwise, but I believe that by keeping physical contact with my friend and trying to share how I felt, I was keeping my mind intact and precariously tethered to reality.
Eventually I felt confidant enough to stand again, and I would guess 10-15 minutes had passed since I insufflated that second dose, but Iím not sure. Around this time I heard another k-reveler say ďitís hard to tell what is and what isnítĒ, which I considered to be a hilarious and accurate description of what I was experiencing myself.
I then decided to bring out my juggling balls. I had some initial difficulty but was eventually able to juggle up to 5 balls fairly well (though I quickly went back to 3 for fear of causing a mess), which was surprising to me given how incredibly dissociated I still was. There seemed to be a disconnect between my conscious mind and the part of my brain which governs movement and muscle memory, such that I had the curious sensation that ďIĒ was not actually juggling: rather, I was watching my body juggle. It was during this time that, to my intense delight, I discovered a new 3-ball trick (new to me, at least).
I should also note that the act of juggling triggered an intense tingling in my hands, which began to feel as though they were vibrating at an impossibly fast speed. The closest thing I can compare this feeling to is an arcade game I played once, where the goal is to see how long you can hold onto some metal rods that produce increasingly strong vibrations.
The tingling sensation subsided fairly quickly, and the intensity of my second dose died down over the course of an hour. I was content to wander around for awhile juggling. Iím unsure of the exact timing here, but I would guess that around 2 hours after my second dose I insufflated a third line of ketamine. This bumped me back up to a more altered state, but was nowhere near the intensity that the second dose had brought.
The pinnacle of the evening occurred a short while after that third dose, when whippets and a cracker came my way. I had tried nitrous before on two other occasions, but the results that evening were very different from my previous experiences with the drug. I did about 8 nitrous capsules over the course of an hour or so, and while some of them just felt like a more intense version of nitrous as I knew it, others blasted me out of my normal reality and into a hallucinatory realm more potent than anything Iíve ever known.
During one trip, sound became extremely distorted, skipping like a record. Amidst a haze of intense visuals that pulsated wildly, I could, with some difficulty, still make out what was going on around me. The spoken words of nearby people from 5 seconds ago seemed to repeat and compress infinitely on top of what they would be saying 5 seconds into the future. I would like to believe that I perceived time in a larger space than the single moment our minds are normally confined to, but I suspect this was a false impression of the extreme distortions I experienced.
I feel much more certain about the following experience. My consciousness as I understand it is essentially a product of the activity occurring in my brain. On the strongest of these ketamine-fueled nitrous trips, my consciousness was turned deeply inward, and was able to perceive the architecture from which is it is generated. I believe I actually saw the ineffable structures from which my thoughts and perceptions (and thus myself) arise.
If youíre wondering what such an incredible thing looked like, well... Iím not sure I can properly describe it, but Iíll try anyway. My vision was superimposed with a series of points in a grid pattern. From these points emanated waves that oscillated and cycled through the colors of visible light very quickly, forming undulating rainbow patterns. The speed of these color cycles waxed and waned almost imperceptibly, in tune with a high pitched sound that echoed into infinity. There were further layers of complexity to this, and while I have clear memories of what I experienced, Iím afraid my words can go no further.
These nitrous trips (particularly the aforementioned one), were extremely euphoric, and I could not help but smile during and afterwards. Though they were short and wore off quickly, they left an impression that positively enhanced the state that ketamine had put me in, which persisted for at least an hour after my last nitrous capsule.
I should note here that my friend also inhaled nitrous, and seemed to have the opposite experience. According to him, the nitrous brought him into a higher dissociative state that was not unpleasant, but that after wearing off he found himself in a less desirable state than before.
Somewhere between 1 and 3 hours after my third dose of ketamine, I insufflated a fourth line. Much like the third dose, the intensity did not even begin to approach what occurred after the second dose, and by then the supply of nitrous capsules was exhausted and most of the guests had left. My friend and I ended up crashing on couches, and though I did not feel tired I had no trouble falling in a dreamless sleep. My brain felt a bit hazy the next day, but it was not unpleasant and I rarely noticed it. My friend had a headache, but nothing out of the ordinary.
In addition to having a lot of fun with ketamine and nitrous that night, I feel I gained some deep insights into existence itself, and how my brain and body processes it into the intelligible thing my sober mind calls reality. I am definitely interested in trying ketamine again. Furthermore, I can conclude that for me, ketamine and nitrous complement each other extremely well. Overall, my first night with K was a powerful, wonderful experience I will never forget!
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