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As a Nootropic - My Best and Worst
Modafinil
by madmrmad
Citation:   madmrmad. "As a Nootropic - My Best and Worst: An Experience with Modafinil (exp98450)". Erowid.org. Dec 2, 2012. erowid.org/exp/98450

 
DOSE:
  oral Modafinil (pill / tablet)

BODY WEIGHT: 87 kg


All I can say is, what a substance!...
There are many mixed reports on Modafinil and I feel that my experience is definitely worth sharing.

About 6 months ago I found myself in search of university study aid. The level of work required was becoming very overwhelming for me and in addition my memory had seemingly deteriorated from Summer-time alcohol abuse. I went ahead asking all my ADD suspected friends for ritalin and adderall, but ended up discovering modafinil online.

Conducting some research, I immediately saw it as the holy grail of alertness for my needs - I found that it had low reported side effects, low addiction potential, low withdrawal symptoms... in other words, a consequence-free study booster (so I thought!).

Indian pharmacies were able to get the substance into my pocket within a week. I started on 200mg of Modalert with zero stimulant tolerance. Modafinilís alertness and wakefulness was fantastic for what I needed it to do. Modafinil allowed me to escape lethargy and progress through my studies without the drawback of recovery periods or sleep debt.

Tolerance built for me as I was using it daily - the more I used it, the more often Iíd need to take it in order to get back to the sweet spot of attention. I would use it 10 days in a row, getting between 3-8 hours of sleep each night. My mood during those times was normal and unaffected, except I had to make sure I was getting enough sunlight during the day or my mood would be a little bit lower.

I could easily take breaks with no real withdrawal effects except for maybe 24hrs of feeling slightly more tired (back to normal alertness!) but this usually only occurred if I had run out of modafinil and was waiting for more to arrive!

However, there was one train-wreck I had with Modafinil just last week and it was a wakeup call that I was in need of.

I had been taking 24mg ephedrine + 200mg caffeine at once, and I was taking this fat burning stack 3 times per day to achieve a desired body fat percentage. I am 86kg lean and I go to the gym 6 days per week. I was feeling invincible 24/7 while on ephedrine and my daily routine had become eat, sleep, ephedrine, study, modafinil, repeat!

Little did I realise that I had begun to neglect my friends and social life. I am usually an extreme socialite and I had let myself slide into recluse, and I only realised too late that 3 times daily hits of ephedrine was clearly affecting my mood and I had obssessed with the gym & hitting ephedrine.

My physical health okay because I had become so obsessed with my diet and nutrition.

Then one morning I ran out of ephedrine which felt like no big deal at the time. That morning I found myself racing around the house trying to find some ephedrine tablets but no luck. This was the first clue that I had possibly developed a mild addiciton. I then suddenly realised that my final exams were 3 days away. My incoming addiction withdrawal symptoms were not impressed. I was running on caffeine still because that was easy to obtain through large cups of coffee, but I was also experiencing minor ephedrine withdrawal symtoms, including light headaches, lethargy, minor hallucinations, short temper and mild anxiety, especially walking around my house at night and feeling uneasy with all the shadows.

Then came the night before my most important exam - I had to power through some pretty dense anatomy study, so in order to keep alert I took the most modafinil Iíve ever taken in one night... This was approximately 8 x 150mg Armodafinil pills between 2pm until 9am the next morning. 8 Armodafinil pills is equivalent to 12 x 200mg Modafinil pills. I gained 90 minutes of sleep before the exam, and as soon as I woke up I felt like an absolute wreck. I was sleep deprived and began questioning my reality, who I was and why Iíd let myself sleep so little... My motor coordination was reduced and my sense of balance was disturbed. That day I had 5 hours worth of examinations, and I took one 150mg armodafinil again before the exam. Confused, light headed, and having ingested a ridiculous amount of stimulants, I was strangely able to perform okay in the exams. My processing ability was definitely hindered, but I feel that my recall memory of information that had been skimmed over the night before was able to be effortlessly retrieved from my brain and this enabled me to burn through 80 multiple choice questions in no time.

I took a 25 minute nap between Part 1 & 2 of the exams which did nothing except make me pity myself for not what the exams had done to me, but for how I abused my body through preparing for the exams - overdosing like an idiot and having total disrespect for my mental health.

At the completion of the exams, I noticed I was unable to experience the usual euphoria that is expected after completing such a ridiculous exam. This, in conjunction with my inability to experience any sort of shivering sensations led me to believe that the modafinil use had really depleted something in my brain, and may have something to do with 12+ modafinil pills using all my dopamine. I got home at 6pm after the exams and I immediately retreated to my bedroom - not only did I still feel wide awake because of the extra doses I took just before I began writing in the exams but I was hallucinating again. I began to lightly trip and felt as though I was finally seeing who I really was. If I closed my eyes I could see the usual vivid dreams provided by modafinil side effects, but I was seeing these vivid dreams wide awake. On modafinil I am able to imagine more fluidly and can picture ideas extremely well, but at this time I could see some of these visualisations as open eye visuals. I have double dropped 2C-B pills once before, tripping quite hard in a Nightclub, but right now it was 6pm in the afternoon sitting in my bedroom... I was seeing sets of eyes in the posters on my walls. I could see mouths opening when I closed my eyes. I could see strange factory production assembly lines simply by imagining them. I played with these hallucinations for a while, but in hindsight, I really should have focused on trying to doze off because I was severely sleep deprived and absolutely drained from the 5 hours of exams, public transport, and high energy socialising for 10-30 minutes after the exam.

I had difficulty sleeping of course because of the stimulants, but I finally passed out, only to wake again at 3am. I was still confused and frustrated at how much I had disrespected my mental health over the previous 48 hours.

But the worst happened when I woke up at again 7am. I began to ask myself if I had done permanent psychological damage from all of this drug use. How had I done this to my own body? I had not only been abusing my liver & kidneys with three large daily doses of ephedrine and caffeine, but also allowed myself to become addicted to an amphetamine (ephedrine). Anxiety had been building up over my caffeine overuse + the ephedrine withdrawal + the 12-15 modafinil tablets + worrying about my health... It was 7am and I began to fall sharply into some sort of depression - Having never experienced depression like this, I feared that I had depleted ALL my dopamine with the modafinil and that I had no adrenaline left in me. I was overreacting in my overworked state and I began to cry violently. My nose started bleeding and I believe this could have been due to my ridiculously high cortisol levels and insanely high blood pressure from all the things going on. I could not stop crying, it was extremely intense as I am a 19 year old male and I felt as though I had betrayed myself and everything I have worked for in the last 6 months of university studies. My abuse of fat burners, study drugs, and total disrespect for my sleep cycle pushed me to some serious mental limits at that moment. I cried for 40 minutes into my pillow, unable to understand why I was tearing so much. I feared some unusual suicidal thoughts could actually become a reality for me. I was truly in a delusional state. I needed immediate help and searched for a telephone help-line on my iPhone. I am quite head strong during the day, but I just needed someone to help me get out of this and fast. I frantically dialed the help line number, tears were rolling down my cheeks and I was shaking all over, literally convulsing like Iíve never cried before...

The dial tone rang until an automated message with rather childish music came on... and then I heard the most beautifully calm voice Iíd ever heard. The girl on the help line was an angel to me. It was now 7:40am, after 72 hours of sleep deprivation, and I was unable to speak to her through my tears, but she knew how to take care of me. Her voice was so soothing, and she began asking what my name was and how old I was. I was in good hands. No one else in my house would be able to understand what I had done to myself in the 72 hours prior, no one except a beautifully voiced stranger called ďMillyĒ. I was losing it, fearing that I was going to be permanently stuck in this dreadful, depressed and anxious state. We talked for 40 minutes about my daily stimulant abuse, modafinil overdosing, how I had been neglecting my friends, and about getting myself back on track. On the surface, I am an incredibly confident student, studying upper level science, and competing against ~300 medical school hopefuls. But on that day I had prostituted out my brain through stimulant abuse, no sleep, and undergone a pathetic level of preparation for my exams - utter betrayal of what I had worked for in all my prior education.

I will never forget how deep my mind sank that week, it was the first time Iíd ever felt truly depressed - not even extended family deaths or the comedown from 220mg of pure MDMA was as bad as how I was feeling that morning.

That morning was one of the most mentally overwhelming experiences I have had to date. I am gaining respect for that part of myself. I have generated a new traumatic experience that I never want to endure again. Luckily I understand how I got there and how to ever get out of it if I arrive in that state again.

Other than this one occasion, Modafinil and I have been working together to build a new business, reduce sleep if need be, and achieve new academic success that I may not have been able to achieve if I had not discovered beautiful Modafinil.

Exp Year: 2012ExpID: 98450
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 19 
Published: Dec 2, 2012Views: 48,674
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Modafinil (217) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Difficult Experiences (5), Health Problems (27), Performance Enhancement (50), Overdose (29), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Various (28)

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