Citation: notspam. "I Had Developed a 'Casual' Eating Disorder: An Experience with MDMA (exp98051)". Erowid.org. Nov 12, 2019. erowid.org/exp/98051
MDMA and Eating Disorder Development
I started using MDMA in October of 2011 as part of the growing electronic music scene with a group of about seven close friends. At the time we'd done only enough research to ascertain that we'd be 'safe enough' and that there would be no immediate downsides to the experience. As a group we'd participate about once monthly, and I was taking .4 to .6 gram in about 3 doses.
Considering my mental background (family history of depression, family history of self-harm, huge self esteem/body image issues from an early age) I should have been more careful with my research and the regulation of my serotonin/dopamine levels.
I should have been more careful with my research and the regulation of my serotonin/dopamine levels.
By January I had developed a 'casual' eating disorder that escalated into severe by May. I wouldn't blame this on the drug, of course, but I am suggesting that the constant depletion and struggle to get back to normal may have left me more susceptible to my own weakened self image/other factors weighing in.
With the intent of going to a 'massive' the group started to research the effect of use over three days and subsequent pre and post loading with 5-HTP and an assortment of antioxidants in addition to Vitamin C about two weeks prior to the festival. I didn't take this seriously. After the festival my disorder worsened to a point that I was consuming perhaps 500 calories a day that were not expelled promptly afterwards.
My significant other and I split a few months later as a result of my recognition of my dissipating mental and physical health, after which I temporarily discontinued use of MDMA. I began taking 5-HTP regularly as a way to stave off binge eating and the resulting depression and this helped IMMENSELY in regulating my mood and appetite.
I would not be who I am if it weren't for my MDMA experience. I would not be as openly caring about the people around me, I would not be able to be as honest in my personal relationships, I might not even appreciate myself to the extent that I do after recovering. I do still participate occasionally, but not with the regularity I had before and I always (ALWAYS) pre and post load and analyze my depression cycle before I plan on attending an event at which I will be taking.
PLEASE UNDERSTAND the longterm effects of screwing with your serotonin and dopamine/norepinephrine levels especially with regard to your tendencies/your genetic predispositions. I'm not saying don't have fun, I'm just saying take care of yourself so you're able to continue having fun.
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