Citation: Inner Light. "Brigids Magic Bullet: An Experience with TMA-2 & Cannabis (exp97684)". Erowid.org. Sep 26, 2012. erowid.org/exp/97684
8:17 pm I ingest 25 mg of TMA-2 (sprinkled approximately 65% of the substance out of the 45mg capsule onto my pie. My friend Moonwatcher takes 45 mg of the same in his capsule instead of his pie. This is my first experience with the substance, but not the case for Moonwatcher who’s enjoyed it many times before.
Moonwatcher and I have just finished raising energy to Brigid, an Imbolc Goddess – as this is the night before the eve of the Sabbat which falls on February 1st. I’d had a large, late lunch about five hours earlier of chicken parmesan, a Caesar salad and garlic bread. Moonwatcher and I went out for a drink around 6pm – I had a beer and he had two.
9:08 I feel cold and notice goose bumps on my skin, despite the fact that my heat is registering 76 degrees. It had been a fairly warm winter day, though the previous days had been bitterly cold. I am normally very sensitive to temperatures below 70 degrees, so I’m not too concerned about feeling chilled, considering I am experimenting with a new substance. I cocoon myself in a wool blanket, and relax beside my friend on the couch. He too is chilled and huddled under a comforter on the opposite side of the couch from me.
9:21 It feels wonderful to stretch my neck and hear all the cracking. I’d aggravated the muscles in my neck and shoulders a few days before so that I had limited range of motion until just the day before. I sip orange juice and enjoy the feel of sunshine in my mouth.
9:45 I share my second pipe full of marijuana with my friend and notice that the first puff tastes strangely reminiscent of bacon and eggs. Maybe it is the orange juice that inspires the sense of breakfast?
9:56 – 10:03 When I return to the couch from a pee break, I decide it would feel nice to stretch my limbs a bit, so I flow through some yoga-like movement meditation poses. In the immediately following moments of returning to the couch, in discussion with my friend, I finally decide upon a tattoo design I’d been struggling with for many years. I doodle the image in the notebook I am writing this trip report.
10:14 I am definitely enjoying my journey, and find the physical and emotional effects remind me of MDMA but much lighter in intensity. I don’t notice any real visual effects, but aside from a single candle there is nothing especially interesting to look at in my apartment to inspire any. Unfortunately, my friend is not having as much fun as I am since he is feeling stuck in thoughts about a challenging relationship he’s engaged in. While he alternates between stretches of silence and periods of explanation, I am doodling and writing poetry. My haiku reads “Life is feeling. Good/ by each other’s side we stand/understanding life” and for whatever reason the accompanying doodles all touch only the d’s in the poem.
10:23 My friend returns from a cigarette break out front, and attempts to discuss old, black and white, Hollywood movies – but I have no interest in the topic and am instead feeling bouncy and bopping my head to the music while seated on the arm on the couch. We instead talk about the children in our lives: his friend’s two kids, and my sister’s newest daughter. I show him pictures of her on my computer in the next room.
10:31 We return to the couch and he reveals to me that he’s realizing how dark he’s feeling while I’m experiencing the light side. We’re content with our duality however and agree that it’s all interconnected and timely – that what he’s shadowing is what I need to shine light on in my own life as well. Then we start talking on a more emotional level and I find myself talking about my personal experiences with childhood sexual abuse. We move on from that to discuss aspects of our spiritual paths, our love of word play, and our fascination with time. I write another haiku where the first line is what began our conversation and the last line is what was last said which reads “My first kiss/Playing with words and with time/I’m older than stars.
10:48 My friend Moonwalker is talking about how lonely he’s been lately, and how he’s struggling to relate to people in general and we begin talking about masturbation and other ways to love yourself. I give him some advice and find pieces of it to be so profound I’m moved to write it down.
“When you’re dating yourself, you’re not just pampering, seducing,
and soothing yourself. You’re also surprising yourself. It’s great to
ask permission to touch or get intimate with others, but you can feel
free to just sweep yourself off your feet and ‘take yourself!’ With force
or with tenderness, but always with a lot of passion and a little curiosity.”
We continue talking about all kinds of silly things, like how I as a Gemini don’t want a twin, but a clone. How he wants a bear that he can dress up to take his place at work.
10:55 I move our conversation toward how much I love my friends, and then I realize afterwards that I often have this conversation when on any kind of emotional high (substance induced or not) and I begin to wonder if I am feeling as stuck as my friend appears to be (but on the other side of the scale) and ask myself if I’m avoiding something I might fear like a chronic darkness of mood or loss of my self-control as I see being exhibited in him. I try to counsel my friend as I usually do, but my focus isn’t as clear. I notice that I’m using big words and can’t decide if that means I’m not feeling as trippy as I expected or if I am having big trippy thoughts to match my big trippy words.
11:09 I return from another pee break with the realization that an old thought of mine is incorrect. I used to feel that people ingest substances for one of two major reasons: either to escape their minds or to explore them. I now see that some people might want to engage in this activity in order to also explain themselves, examine their lives, exacerbate their situations, etc.
11:14 I’m having all kinds of “big idea” thoughts. I get my friend rethinking his own perception of the terms “hope” and “wish” when I give him my definition of them as the former being the active verb while the latter is the passive verb. I describe to him the sensation I get when I’m meditation or falling asleep of my head and body alternative between a sense of being big and then small in smooth transitions which used to scare me but now comforts me. When I returned to writing, Moonwatcher says “I hope to write more” and we both acknowledge his intentional usage of the word hope instead of wish.
11:23 I drink my third glass of orange juice and note that I’m not feeling the acidic taste as bothersome as I recall it to be when I used to drink only that during trips in college.
11:36 – 11:41 I sit in silent meditation, with my legs crossed underneath me and my hands resting in my lap, while the blanket covers my body.
11:47 My friend Moonwatcher is still struggling to communicate with me while he watches overwhelming streams of thoughts race past his third eye. I again write down what I consider to be the profound wisdom I share with him.
“Change the channel. Turn off the infomercials! Go picture-in-picture
to multitask, but pick up the remote, tune to the program you really
wanna watch, and know the other shows will be available when you
have time to watch them.”
I then doodle a whole page of a tree and rainbow of sorts until my neck feels achey again. We rest quietly beside each other on the couch until Moonwatcher has another cigarette break. I am missing my boyfriend with whom I’d had a tumultuous week of emotional downs and ups – lower lows than we’d ever experienced together and a nice high that just occurred two days prior.
12:24 am Moonwatcher and I are now sitting on the couch, snuggled under our own blankets, holding hands and I giggle at the image of us as the picture of contentment. I am starting to feel quite tired and notice my eyes feel puffy and swollen.
1:00 I lay down in bed for a meditation, nap, or whatever state of rest overtakes me. I feel a bit selfish about leaving my friend alone especially considering his slightly melancholy mindset, but I assure him I will be there for him if he just knocks on my open bedroom door.
2:26 I awake to the sound of my friend coughing, which I first mistake for his vomiting. I realize the music has stopped so I know at least an hour must have passed. I feel warm and rested. I enjoy a wonderfully satisfying bowel movement and go back out into the living to join my friend on the couch.
3:17 am Moonwatcher and I are babbling about things of little import. The last topic I remember is how much we both like boobies, mine and other women’s. I’m feeling physically restless, but completely unmotivated to do anything about it. All we can do is alternate between sitting quietly on the couch, smoking marijuana, nibbling strawberry licorice straws, talking and doodling for the next hour and a half.
4:44 am I’m feeling sleepy again. Moonwatcher and I agree that the come down is smooth and easy, slow-paced instead of sudden. I’m pleasantly surprised by the clarity of my sight despite the puffy swelling of my eyelids from the resulting sleepiness. My friend begins his drive home, and I go to bed.
1:30 pm I awake nine and a half hours later feeling well-rested, but a bit lethargic. I feel drained from last nights efforts to stifle my highs so as not to rub them in the face of my friend who was feeling low. I also feel a sense of dread about my ironically inverse plans for the evening where I expect I’ll attempt to disguise or hide my gloom in order to celebrate the birthday of a friend who’s in a similar relationship quandary as my friend Moonwatcher – both are pining for and desiring to heal an addict.
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