Citation: Respondent 38. "Polyamory, Ecstasy and Jealousy: An Experience with MDMA (Ecstasy) (exp97023)". Erowid.org. Jul 23, 2012. erowid.org/exp/97023
Here is a short history of a recent experiment with ecstasy which certainly went beyond - but also included - fun.
Now the story. My wife and I live in a relatively remote rural area that is home to several other 'New Age' (old hippies) families. We experimented considerably with E when we were courting, and I would have to say that those experiences contributed to a remarkably honest, trusting, and loving relationship. Although we had done E with other couples, we had never explored 'deeper' relationships with those couples.
While building our house we had help from several of our friends and neighbours, and one of these was especially generous with his time and labour. We realized that we really liked this fellow and when the project was nearing its end, we offered to turn him and his wife on to E. We all had a wonderful trip together-lots of hugging, a little kissing, etc.
Well, the next day we get a call from the husband who says that his wife has been crying because the E experience released some pent-up guilt and anger over an event in her early adolescence which amounted to gang rape. Reflecting on the previous day's experience, she worried that we (my wife and I) were trying to seduce her and her husband, and the group seE scenario was too close to the gang rape experience for her comfort. At that point, we honestly had nothing so carnal in our hearts, but with the abject honesty so characteristic of E (remember, it had just been the day before that we were tripping), I responded that I would never want to hurt her, that I certainly did not have seduction on my mind the previous day, but ... I had to frankly say that I felt so close to them that the prospect of a loving sexual relationship with them sounded nice to me.
Nothing happened further at that point. We all just laughed a little nervously. I added that I would certainly not make any unwanted overtures, so they should not be worried by my honesty. Nevertheless, I think my off-the-cuff remark planted a seed that soon began to germinate.
The husband in the other couple, Dave, saw what he believed to be real progress in the emotional growth of his wife-call her Ann. He opined that more E trips with us would help her even more. So, we did it again. More hugging, more kissing, but I deliberately limited even those things between me and Ann so as to not trigger the emotional response in her that had followed the first trip. Well, when we got together the evening following that second trip, my wife admitted that she was attracted to Dave and that she was not afraid to express that, even sexually, as long as everyone else was okay with it. Everyone said that, yes, sounded quite intriguing, but we didn't think we could do it without the benefit of the openness and loving atmosphere of the E.
Now, I must admit into evidence what was, in retrospect, the seed of our undoing. Ann did not talk much. She seemed to listen and agree with whatever was being said, but I did not truly realize until later that she did not offer much of her own ideas or opinions; rather she responded to what others said.
So we had our first sexy E night with this other couple a week or so later. Dave and Judith got along famously, but I suffered from impotence, a not uncommon state while on E. Actually, I didn't 'suffer,' as I was quite happy, very turned on, and starting to fall in love with Ann. However, with Ann it turned out to be another story. While we were actually tripping, she was fine, but the next day she had her first pangs of jealously and also worried that I was not attracted to her (witness the impotence). So we had a long post-trip discussion. During this discussion she admitted that she didn't think that she was feeling the same loving feelings the rest of us were. She offered the suggestion that perhaps she needed a higher dose to feel what we were feeling. We were willing to try that, but I insisted that another thing we needed to do was TALK while our hearts were full open while we were tripping.
Okay. A week or two later we trip again, she with about a tab and a half. When we're all obviously seriously high I asked her, 'So, do you think you're okay with all of this now?' She answered by grabbing me and laying the biggest, sexiest, wettest kiss I may have ever had the pleasure of receiving. That night the four of us made love in front of the wood stove, with wonderful loving music playing in the background. We switched partners several times and it seemed as if we could do it all night. I felt suffused in a golden, glowing bubble of love.
That was peak. That was the best it ever got. It was damned good and I hope I never forget it. We had some more hot seE on two other occasions (once on E and finally once without), but when not on E, Ann's feelings of jealousy began to grow. Dave, my wife and myself, were talking group marriage, making plans for group farming enterprises, group child rearing, etc. Ann was stewing in her jealousy. Periodically it would erupt. Dave would talk to her, and she would seemingly agree, but it never went away.
This is just a short synopsis of all that actually occurred. There were a couple of other subplots, but basically it all ended in recrimination, regret, and hurt feelings. We had thought we had Ann's tacit approval throughout the affair but would be repeatedly surprised when she'd suddenly explode or start pouting.
We don't even see each other any more. BUT, for awhile we thought we had something really special, a truly greater love. My wife and I are closer than ever-we had to comfort each other when the whole affair broke down. I'm afraid that the other couple is not in the same boat. They're still together, but struggling. In fact, that is why I asked my initial question: they have found what they think is ecstasy, but I've never seen or heard of it in this form. They hope to try it again, just the two of them, talk, and try to work this thing out.
Lessons? Morals? Well, one is the same lesson repeated elsewhere: Don't 'marry' anybody while on E. We did not spend enough time with Ann when we were not tripping to discover who she really was. And we never really had the open, heavy conversations while on E that we should have had. Also, don't overestimate the power of E. It can open the gateway to the heart, but it's difficult for some people to keep those doors open when not actually under the influence.
Would I do it again with another couple? Yes, but I don't expect to for at least two reasons: 1) This couple was close to us geographically, shared many similar interests to our own, and was attractive to both me and my wife and 2) We've learned the lessons mentioned in the above paragraph and don't really expect to just bump into another couple that could do it. It's tough. The rewards seemed worth it for awhile.
At one point Ann said that she could have sex with us if we could leave the loving out. I couldn't do that. The 'loving' makes the loving. We actually fell in love with this other couple. E made it possible... almost.
Up to the situation with Ann, my experience with X was that it was a never-fail heart opener. I suppose with Ann it worked to some degree--at a higher dose and only while she was on the X.
If I look at all four of the participants in our romantic experiment, I would have to say that three of us were 'pre-conditioned' to be open to the experiment--we are readers, free-thinkers, and explorers of the nature of consciousness. Ann, on the other hand, while a fine person is not particularly intellectual or even particularly curious. So, once again--like my experiences with LSD 25 years ago--I discovered that there is nothing inherent in the drug itself that leads to love, wisdom, insight, etc. Rather, the drug releases or allows the love and insight that is basically already there but suppressed for whatever reason.
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