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E As a Tool for Survivors
MDMA (Ecstasy)
by Respondent 87
From Ecstasy.org Collection
Citation:   Respondent 87. "E As a Tool for Survivors: An Experience with MDMA (Ecstasy) (exp97011)". Erowid.org. Jul 23, 2012. erowid.org/exp/97011

 
DOSE:
  oral MDMA


Just wanted to share a bit about my new-found tool.

I am a 26 year old mother of two, divorced, incest survivor. To put it in short, my life has been a complete mess for as long as I can remember. I have always been a very sensitive, loving, kind, sexual human being but only on the inside. As a child I learned to mask and hide all of these things, a necessary thing when you are abused. With time this became the only way to behave - cold and cut off from all emotion I kept all of those good feelings that people naturally have away from the outside world. Needless to say I have lacked much joy in my life.

Two years ago I became involved with a new partner. He is very emotionally available and a very healthy man. At first I felt reborn and able to experience a freedom I had never felt before. But through no fault of his or mine I lost that feeling after a few short months and fear, flashbacks from my childhood, and a wall flew up again.

Around three months ago I tried E for the first time. That night, for the first time in my life, I held, loved, and was able to tell the man I am in love with how much I adored him with no fear. And after that beautiful experience I sat in bed and was able to tell him why I could not do that before without feeling any pain or fear!

I could go on and on about how this drug works for me in a million ways and how each time I do it I keep with me just a little more freedom and new tools to use in my 'everyday life ' but I am sure you get the picture.

So, to survivors or anyone in pain, I say godspeed in your healing - its a great tool.

Exp Year: 1999ExpID: 97011
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 26 
Published: Jul 23, 2012Views: 3,386
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MDMA (3) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Sex Discussion (14), First Times (2)

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