Citation: Jen. "Same Reality, Different View: An Experience with MDMA (exp9688)". Erowid.org. Sep 28, 2001. erowid.org/exp/9688
||(pill / tablet)
This all happened about two years ago, but I still remember it perfect. This is one experience I will never forget.
It all started out a Friday morning at work. I was at the time working as a programmer, and all the people at work were my friends. The friendship was great, and one of my co-workers, we can call her L, had became one of my best friends. I knew that there was a rave held at a place in a suburb this Friday night, and I had plans to go there. At lunch time me and L discussed the plans for the night, and she told me that she had a surprise. I have always had strong opinions about drugs, but I knew that L had tried ecstacy once before so I considered it for a while, and then made up my mind. 'Ok, i'm in', I said and she smiled at me.
At around 17 I got home, had a shower and called L to deicde when and where to meet. She had already got the ecstacy. I was a bit afraid to take it since I had heard that i could contain just about anything, or maybe even nothing at all. I searched for some information on the net and tried to remember all the details about drinking lots of water etc.
-- Ok, this was just some background. We have now reached the party. --
I looked at all the people and heard the music, and I found myself smiling. We took the pills, one each, and danced a while. I felt a bit warm, so I bought some cold juice to drink. L joined me and we sat down and talked a while. I started to feel a strange, but not unpleasant, feeling in my stomach. The feeling slowly increased and I thought 'this feels good', but I still was a bit disappointed. I thought that this should be so much more.
Suddenly it felt like the world just stopped for a second. I felt the most intense feeling I have ever had in my life. A warm energy filled my body, rushed to the head, and surrounded me. It felt so strong, I thought that I was going to pass out. I just sat there, looked at L, and felt the feeling grow stronger and stronger. After a little while the crazy acceleration started to slow down, and all I could feel was an incredible happiness. I looked at L and she smiled. We hadn't spoken to each other in a few minutes and now she asked 'what do you think?'. I started to say 'great', but then I realized that in that exact moment, she knew exactly what i felt. I only smiled and said 'you know'.
We decided to go dance. Even though I didn't feel like I HAD to move, I felt like I had an infinite amount of energy. Everyone seemed to be happy, and in that moment I couldn't understand why there was evil in the world. It felt like the love was surrounding me and everyone in the place. I looked at L, and I had to tell her how much I loved her. I grabbed her arm, and shouted in her ear 'I love you'. She looked at me and reached for my hand. I felt her hand in mine, and it was an intense feeling of love. Not in a sexual way, but a feeling of love that seemed to come straight from her heart into mine. She gave me a long hug and said 'you know I love you too'. We decided to go talk, and we went into a room with UV lights. We were almost alone, and it was cool and kinda quiet. We talked about our friendship, about me and her, about everything. I opened up completely. I felt that there was nothing she shouldn't know. I had to give her a hug again. I looked in her eyes and told her my secret. I knew it. I had known it for a long time, but what i felt right then made it feel so pathetic. She was my best friend, I loved her more than life. I had to tell her about my sexuality. 'I am lesbian. Homosexual', I said. She looked at me. I looked into her eyes and couldn't believe that eyes could be so beautiful. Her eyes was so beautiful it almost hurt, and I wondered if it was for real. I started to understand that I my feelings for her wasn't anything new, or something that the E made me feel. I had felt this was for a long time. She looked at me, smiled, leaned towards me and closed her eyes. I knew what was about to happen. She kissed me. My entire body was filled of pleasure and joy, and I felt more love then I thought could exist in the known part of universe.
It was about 01, and we decided to go home. I wasn't really tired, but it felt like I have had my share of dancing and music that night. We walked home, 7 km. I asked if she couldn't spend the night with me, and she said that she would love to. We were still not back to normal, and I started to wonder how long the experience would last. We lay down in my bed without taking our clothes of and talked. We just talked about everything. Finally I just looked at her, silent. And she looked at me. I held her hand, and gave her a big, long hug. My face was close to hers, and I closed my eyes and felt happier than ever.
We both feel alseep pretty soon. I woke up in the middle of the day. I felt thirsty, and I decided to get up and have a glass of orange juice. I looked at her, sleeping. On my way to the kitchen I looked out the window and saw the green grass, blue sky and huge trees outside. I drank some orange juice and had a good feeling about everything. The world, the reality, was changed. An invisible filter I had observed the world through in my whole life was gone. I did never see the filter, but when it was gone I knew it had been there. I thought that L was thirsty too, so I grabbed another glass and the packet of orange juice into the bedroom. I was a bit afraid to wake her up. Maybe she wouldn't feel the same for me when not under the influence of E?
I woke her up though. She opened her eyes and looked at me. 'I have some orange juice if you are thirsty', I said. She looked at me, smiled and said 'thanx'. I felt happy again.
I know now that if we had never been on that party, and had those pills, my life wouldn't have been the same.
The reality hasn't changed. My reality hasn't changed. Now I can see what I couldn't before. I'm more honest to myself with my feelings, I know more about myself, my emotions and love than I could have possibly done without this experience.
The reality dosen't change, it appears.
Finally I want to say thanx to L for being there for me, and thank YOU for reading all this!
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