Citation: Chai Lou. "Experiencing God for the First Time: An Experience with DMT (exp96872)". Erowid.org. May 31, 2021. erowid.org/exp/96872
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This is an account of several experiences I had with DMT over a few days. This was my first time experimenting with DMT and I had read much about it before I tried. I have used LSD several times, shrooms, 4-AcO-DMT, DXM, lots of Salvia Divinorum, high dose marijuana, 2ci-nbome and other various substances.
Recently I had been looking for a spiritual experience. So many people talk and write of spiritual experiences on shrooms, LSD, and 4-AcO-DMT. I had never taken a high enough dose of LSD or shrooms to really breakthrough past threshold to moderate effects. I decided to take a larger than normal dose of 4-AcO-DMT. I believe it was around 40mg. I had a horrible experience. Overdosing on a substance is NOT THE WAY to have a meaningful experience.
I got ahold of about 230mg of DMT and modified a medium size glass bat with a ~1/8' hole. I pressed a ball of #3 stainless steel into it and melted 40mg of DMT into the mesh by slowly and briefly heating it with the heat from a lighter and not the flame itself. I took a single hit from the pipe and put it down because I wanted to see what the substance was like before I went for a breakthrough experience. I had an intense closed eye experience of colors and such. The body buzz was intense like an inhalant high. I had no desire to hold my body up. I had the typical 'carrier wave' that people report, a high frequency buzz that got quite loud, but this was the only time I experienced that sensation. In fact, after my first dose the side effects seem to grow less and less prevalent.
The next day I had a babysitter help me in dosing. I melted a further 30mg into the mesh, assuming about 20mg was still in it. I now believe I was wrong and more was still in there, as I'll explain later. He helped me to take 3 large and slow hits from the pipe which I held for 5-10 seconds. I take a breath between hits because I do not wish to add oxygen deprivation to the experience. After the third hit I was barely able to hand him the pipe and lay back before I absolutely blasted off into another world.
The best way for me to describe it is, you are dreaming while awake. I've had fully emersive salvia experiences before, and this is much stronger. In this first experience, there were various psychedelic patterns and colors, and then I was in a dream-world. There was a black man smiling and welcoming me, trying to reassure me that everything was OK and helping me into a doorway that was held open by a little girl. He seemed to be very human, but the girl seemed strange. It was over very quickly and all I could really remember was the doorway experience. Although I know much happened before then, I think it was merely color and light, and not interaction with DMT beings.
Before I go on, I should explain some of my mindset. I do not believe in a religion. I do not disbelieve in a god, but I'm much more interested in metaphysics and discussions about reality than I am about ancient tribal religions. I am more interested in philosophy than deity. Although I was seeking a spiritual experience through substances, I never expected to have one. In fact I met a 'god' character in a salvia experience but when I came out, I figured it was merely a figment of my imagination. She offered no solutions (she seemed angry?). She didn't even offer any new questions. It was just a being that I perceived to be a deity while under a salvia trip. I have always looked at people who couldn't admit that they were on a substance and everything that was happening, was happening in their heads and not in another world with other beings. I still know that I was under the effects of a strong substance when I experienced the things I'm writing about now, but something has caused me to question the reality of the situation. Is this a drug or a doorway? Is DMT the gateway drug to enlightenment or psychosis? I know it has offered me no answers, but it has created many questions and ways to think about the questions than I had ever had before.
To continue, after some time incorporating the experiences and talking about it and other things with my friend and babysitter, I took another dose about 1.5-2 hours after the first. This time I loaded 40mg and turned on the song 'Bjork - Heirloom' so my friend would not be bored for the few minutes I was under. I tried more carefully to hold the DMT in and take in as much as possible and on my second hit I actually exhaled a strong DMT cloud. Watching the flames as I took the third hit, I started to hallucinate strongly and I laid back into another world once again. I launched. I felt the G force that some people experience and before I knew it I had lost track of my entire body. I no longer breathed or felt my heart race. I experienced a presence which I later understood to be the black man and child by my right side. I now feel they were guiding me through the experience. I HAVE A SPIRIT GUIDE and as I write this my eyes are tearing up.
I was suddenly inside the kitchen area which I understand to be inside that storm door that I was led into in the first experience. The counter comes alive with color and bends up until it is flat in front of my vision. The colors break up into fractals. The being wants me to see that there was many dimensions to existence as these pieces churn and move around forward and back like colorful cards being swung around one another, suddenly I am seeing into the other dimensions and not just seeing the countertop of color. Each little piece of the countertop is now a viewing glass where I can see what seems to be the same being in many different dimensions. I am viewing him from the side as he has his head down. This being is incredibly alien in nature, but I can not describe it. I want to say he was grey, but the fractals of color flying around were distracting to the imagery. The being was doing something with his hands in front of him near his waist and had his head bowed to look, paying close attention. I now feel that this was 'work' being done. Sewing the patchwork of the multiverse together. I got the impression that 'god' is working as hard as he can just to keep what we call reality in place. If you can imagine the great force required for the big bang to happen, and if some consciousness created that, what amazing power they must have and what incredibly hard work it must be to keep this creation from crumbling apart and having to start over? The idea that intervention on his part is impossible without causing some incredibly bad effect. The being(s) looked up from their work very briefly and saw me, merely acknowledging my presence.
Just then I leaned forward and said 'OK', finding my body and breath again. I tried to open my eyes and realized that I had prematurely stopped the experience. I knew that if I didn't start talking about it, I would forget so I started kinda babbling. The words did not make very much sense but in talking I was able to keep the experience in my foremind long enough for the drug's effects to leave so I could transplant the experiences from my subconscious into my conscious memory. I laid back down and watched the ceiling turn into prisms of light, churning and morphing before my eyes as I slowly came out of the dreamstate.
Each time I dosed a strong dose, I feel fantastic afterwards. It feels like I took a fantastic afternoon nap after days of not getting enough sleep. I wake up more alive than ever. Stretching is amazing. After attempting to explain it to my friend, I was really unable. I didn't fully incorporate the experience until much later.
That night I dosed again in candlelight, and by myself. Each time I dosed by myself, it wasn't a great experience. Each time I dosed at night, I experienced a baleful reality with potentially malevolent beings. This time I saw another black man, who seemed to have a crazed voodoo witchdoctor vibe to him. He was smiling strongly but I felt he was trying to lead me astray. I told myself that it was a chemical and it would be over soon. It was, thankfully. Then I had a fantastic color display for a little while. When I went to put the last 40mg or so of DMT away, I spilled it onto the floor and lost it.
The next day, I woke up in the absolute best mood I have ever been in, in my entire life. I mean absolute nirvana. I went to work and just felt absolutely blissful. when hearing 'Bjork - all is full of love' on the radio, I incorporated the experiences of the previous day. It occurred to me that this multi-diminsional being that I saw to be god, working to keep reality stitched together was what I had seen and that my spirit guide was the people taking me to see him. They were the ones in my side vision.
I decided to see if there was any DMT left in the pipe and sure enough, there was even visible DMT re-hardened on the surface. It had been collecting quite a bit of content with every hit I believe. I decided to watch '12 Monkeys' feeling the combination of insanity and intense visuals would be interesting. I wanted to try to use DMT casually. I had an absolutely profound experience and that day I felt amazing. I also had some 'realizations' that I would characterize as dangerous. Things like, 'it's not a big deal if I die. There is definitely something else going on and this world is just an illusion.' This is not to say that I felt suicidal in the very least. NO WAY. I felt amazing, but I was considering getting some more DMT to take orally with a MAOI in order to have a longer experience and worried that the cardiovascular effects of the extended experience would be dangerous. That was when I had the 'revelation' that it wouldn't be so bad to die in a DMT experience. This is when I decided that this line of thinking was dangerous, and that I should be more careful. In fact, if this being is real and working so hard to keep the fabric of reality from imploding, it would be wrong of me to do something to prematurely end the experience that 'god' is working tirelessly to make possible. Back to the final doses...
WARNING: This is where the graphic sexual content begins.
I took a dose and do not remember the experience. I know I experienced the spirit guide in my peripheral vision. I took a break from the movie to masturbate. It is important to note that I had a lot to drink that day and had ignored one impulse to urinate. The feeling passed and I did not notice as I was very comfortable in my chair. I took many small hits getting threshold effects, slight open eye visuals and enjoying the movie. What a great movie to watch under the effects of strong substances. I took another break to masturbate again. Now is the time for a little biology lesson. When a man has an orgasm, there is usually residue left in the penis. The first time I urinate afterwards is usually slightly uncomfortable and it passes quickly. If I masturbate twice without urinating, the effect is compounded. The 'twinge' I feel that signals my conscious to make way to the restroom is accompanied by a stinging sensation.
Unfortunately for me, this sensation happened right after I inhaled a second hit. I had put the lighter far under the screen and was inhaling the hot shaft of air coming up from the lighter. It was a strong effect and right as I finished the second hit, my penis stung painfully and I realized that if I didn't go quick, I was going to pee all over the place. I wobble-ran into the bathroom, well under the effects of DMT, tripping mother fucking balls, and ended up making quite a mess of things before correctly aiming. I grabbed some tissue and attempted to clean up behind myself while I was standing there. After I did so, I leaned forward and closed my eyes for just a second and quickly slammed them back open. It occurred to me that I was 1/2 way into a fairly strong DMT trip, naked, and standing near all sorts of very hard countertops, a toilet, and sheets of glass that would be no fun to shatter with my falling dreamstate shell. After I slammed my eyes open and leaned up a little I laughed at the situation I was in.
It was hilarious for a brief moment until my spirit guide showed up. I don't mean I felt his presence, but I saw him standing next to me, in my house, watching me pee and laugh hysterically. The child was hiding behind my bathroom door and sort of peering around the door at me. Things became very unfunny in very short order. I said 'transient psychosis, oh fuck this shit.' I knew I was hallucinating and there was no one there, but I couldn't stop myself from checking behind the door. That brief moment of fear was absolutely mind blowing. I pulled the still DMT-laden mesh from the pipe and destroyed it carefully, then threw away the cheap pipe and the mesh. I did not wish to attempt to clean this pipe. Typically I destroy my MJ pipes when I take a break from smoking pot. I just find it's easier to buy a $10 pipe on the off chance I decide to get some pot than to buy the expensive cleaner to clean it between uses. Not to mention I dislike the idea of having a dirty pipe laying around the house somewhere.
So this is my story. I consumed roughly 180mg of DMT in a couple days. I met 'god'. I have a spirit guide. I finally had a meaningful spiritual experience on a substance. I feel that I have really accomplished something meaningful that religion never offered. I feel better now than ever. I am already contemplating getting more DMT, but it is clear to me now that this is truly a spirit molecule. It is not to be used casually (for me) and it is not to be used without a babysitter. Proper dosing is also a must and I will be buying a vaporizing bulb-type bowl if I get more DMT. I do not like messing with the steel mesh. It's too easy to burn and not good to inhale steel gases. I have found a drug of choice to replace my much less powerful taste for high quality MJ.
Thank you to the shamen for discovering DMT, and the chemists for making my experiences possible. And a big thanks to the multidimensional alien deity that is keeping this reality together for us to attempt to figure out! :)
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