Citation: Alterna. "Existential Symphony: An Experience with DMT & Banisteriopsis caapi (10X Extract) (exp96562)". Erowid.org. Mar 14, 2020. erowid.org/exp/96562
I pour out a large amount of DMT into my vapor genie. I decided not to measure it out this time and that may have been a mistake.
It was probably somewhere between 60-80mg. I also decided to use a liquid 10x caapi extract sublingually 30 minutes beforehand. This was my second mistake.
I clean up my computer desk and I find a nice wallpaper that has abstract elements to it. I tell myself, 'Everything is gonna be fine. You've done this plenty of times before.' 3 Deep breaths to ready myself and then 3 Large consecutive hits.
I never got to the third hit.
By the time I let go of the second hit I wasn't sure what had happened. My body stopped breathing on it's own and I was almost unsure of how to keep myself breathing as the entire universe was in a complete clusterfuck. I don't know when it happened because time didn't exist. The parts of my brain that were dedicated to keeping track of past and future events were completely non-functional.
The parts of my brain that were dedicated to keeping track of past and future events were completely non-functional.
The universe was broken and there was no way to fix it. I would have to live out an entire eternity in some nonsensical dimension with complete sensory overload because reality is gone. And new reality sucked. Okay it didn't suck it was just way too much to handle. As it hit, there was a feeling of, 'You've been here before but it's been erased from your memory.' I always seem to get something similar to that. A resounding 'Oh! This is what this is like!' Some feeling or emotion that is void of description. I sit there in my chair trying to be calm and collective. I almost want to scream because everything seems so terribly wrong. The universe which consists mainly of the pink abstract wallpaper is shattering into billions of puzzle pieces and rearranging itself at light speed, over and over again.
The universe which consists mainly of the pink abstract wallpaper is shattering into billions of puzzle pieces and rearranging itself at light speed, over and over again.
Rearranging in a completely mechanical and well-thought out manner. It's as if each piece of the puzzle is being controlled by an entity and every single entity is in communication with one another. They are dancing to the music that I brought with me. They are dancing all over my existence. And for each movement of their dance, I lose more and more of my sanity. How can a human experience an event like this and come back alive-? I thought that if I ever did return I would probably be stuck in psychosis.
The laws of the new reality were completely different than old reality. It wasn't this boring 3 dimensional space that we are so used to. There were probably 5 or 6 dimensions that I had to fathom. It was completely bizarre. The conflicts that I am presented in this new reality are much harder to manage. I'm not worrying about financial stress or how much my job sucks. Things like that don't exist anymore. I'm much more worried about how to live out an eternity in which I have absolutely no control over. Trying to figure out how to collect myself as I loop endlessly through dimensions that are nonsensical to human perspective. Trying to hold onto that one little aspect of yourself that defines my humanity. Not that it works. It's been stripped away from me at the start and since it is now gone, it has always been gone. I've been here my entire life and there is no past of when I was once human. I am just a soul, filtering through the universe's endless dance...
And then something happens.
The dance is slowing down and each puzzle piece is becoming something that I am familiar with. Each part of existence is a piece of the puzzle and every minute or so a few of the pieces line themselves back into old reality. Am I going to come out alive? Is eternity finally over? I'm overjoyed at the fact that I may be able to experience things on a human level again. I can see the room starting to form again. The entities are placing more and more of old reality back to how it was. Everything was piecing back together exactly how it used to be. I can see that I have a body again but I almost panic because I find that all of my limbs are completely fuzed into my surroundings. I sit there for about 5 more minutes as more puzzle pieces are mechanically lined into my environment. It's a rather beautiful sight. An existential symphony slowly coming to an end.
I would try to explain everything that I felt and experienced but it's impossible to convey in words. I was further away from myself than I ever thought was remotely possible and for every minute that has passed more and more of the experience is harder to remember. It truly is similar to a completely vivid dream that never fails in escaping from memory. Maybe it will come back to me the next time I light up the pipe... although I'm not sure if that will be any time soon. I'm going to be reflecting on this for quite some time.
The addition of the MAOI to the mix with DMT definitely made the experience extremely difficult to the point where I thought I would come back as a vegetable.
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