Citation: Lyle. "The Beautiful Chaos: An Experience with DMT & Methoxetamine (exp96444)". Erowid.org. Oct 10, 2012. erowid.org/exp/96444
||(powder / crystals)
||(powder / crystals)
This experience happened nearly a year ago to date and while some of the smaller details may have slipped from memory, I believe what I experienced that night was powerful enough that I can still describe what happened to me with the detail and accuracy that I feel this trip report deserves. However, given the time that has passed some blanks may need to be filled in and I will do this the best I can. While I was on methoxetamine, the true beauty of this night and what I want to describe to you in more detail was my DMT breakthrough. If you happen to read this trip report all the way through, I hope I can successfully convey even just a fraction of the awe and feeling that I felt that night.
DMT had always been something I had wanted to experience, and I had read about it for years before actually trying it. On one occasion prior to this experience, I actually did try it, but I didnít breakthrough to the hyperspace I had read about, I just had visuals and a body feeling that I wouldnít call entirely enjoyable, just strange. Yet I was still pretty determined to get to that place and see what the hype was about so last summer I bought a kilo of mimosa root bark and extracted my own DMT. I didnít get as much as I expected but it was still at least a couple grams of white fluffy DMT to experiment with. Yet as excited as I was to attempt a breakthrough, for some reason I was just too scared to go all the way. Iíd take a hit and get that strange feeling in my body which kind of intimidated me, and then I would back out from going farther. Doing DMT and not breaking through still gives me open eye visuals, it is just too weird of feeling for me to enjoy and I get a prickly sensation all over plus the taste and smell of burnt plastic is just off putting.
Around this time last year was also when I was first introduced to methoxetamine. While I wouldnít call myself experienced with it, I was comfortable using it and had been in what some might described as an ďM-Hole.Ē From the couple times I had tried it before, I found it took about 100mg to get me fully dissociated and in to a hole. At the time I lived in a bit of a party house and it happened to be a work night so it was actually quiet for once. I decided to take advantage of the peace and calm and weighed out about 75mg of MXE at what I want to say was about 9 in the evening, and then insufflated it.
The come up of MXE takes forever for me, about an hour to really start getting in to the trip and about two hours to peak, and from there Iím really messed up for another two hours or so and then begin to get my head back. It find it to be a pretty relaxing substance over all, and my favorite thing to do on it is simply turn on some tunes and just lay in my bed in the dark wrapped in blankets and let the chemical overtake me. I proceeded to do just that, making my bed comfy and I then turned on a local college radio station that plays a lot of mellow tunes from just about any genre you can imagine, but mostly Indy and local stuff Iíve never heard before. I find that station meshes well with the MXE experience and little did I know then, it would come to shape the most memorable moment of my night.
As the time passed I began to drift ever farther from reality. When I closed my eyes, new worlds would seem to appear before me, worlds of color and texture. Even though Iím laying down, it feels as if Iím spinning head over heal and I truly begin to float through these worlds. The music from the stereo shaped the colors and would shift the textures in these worlds. While I was very intoxicated, I could still open my eyes and recognize where I was and was capable of getting up and moving, albeit without much coordination. After what I would say was about three hours, the trip was no longer getting more intense, but it was still going strong, and for some reason, the DMT that was stashed in my cabinet came to mind. I thought what the hell, why not.
The methoxetamine had me quite intoxicated, and the thought of smoking DMT did not make me feel intimidated like it had every other time. I pretty much stumbled across the room, and proceed to weigh out what I believe was about 75mg of DMT, and put it on top of a small amount of weed in my bowl. I go back to my bed, put the covers over me, and take a deep breath. I applied the flame to the bowl, lightly touching the DMT with the lighter and inhale a huge hit of the rather unpleasant tasting and smelling smoke.
I spend all day mowing for my job, and suddenly these two still frames of my boss and the mower I use at work flash through my brain, like moving snapshots. While I didnít have time to think about it then, I now think it was my brain attempting to hold on to some form of the reality that it had always known, and since I spent most of my day on a mower, thatís what came to mind most readily. After this the world went blank and I felt an energy flowing through my body, although I was not aware of my body I could still feel this power flowing through me. Then quite suddenly what I can only describe as a grid enveloped everything around me, while the background was still black, the lines of the grid were coming more and more in to focus.
As all this was happening, I could still think about what was occurring with some semblance of rational thought although I did not remember taking any drug and was both unaware and unconcerned of my body, despite this odd pulsating energy vibrating through me. At first I was somewhat panicked, I thought to myself, boy you really did it this time you really took it too far now, thereís no going back now. As these thoughts crossed my mind the grid then began to morph and change. Patterns and shapes started to come from it, but they were not clearly defined, it was as if a cloak was over top of them that bent the light around their true shape. A shape would emerge then it felt as if the grid would make a ninety degree turn in front of me, and new shapes would emerge, I was entirely powerless to interfere with what was happening around me. Colors began to emerge in the shapes and I explicitly remember pink and green being the most prominent and they were incredibly vivid. I can still remember the way they struck me now, but could never describe in words what they looked like besides pink and green and were shaped.
Then this feeling came over me, a feeling that what I was seeing was an ancient place. While visually it looked sharp and futuristic, I had an overwhelming feeling that it was older than time. This might sound odd, but it reminded me of what I mentally picture as a 1950s soda shop, but much more mystic and magical of course. Like everything is outlined in chrome and it is all flashy and new looking, but it still has the retro feel. Itís the best I can describe it but the ancient feeling of where I was at sharply contrasted the futuristic visuals that were occurring. I was still stupefied about what was going on, but I slowly began to realize that what was happening wasnít a bad thing, in fact it was somewhat pleasant, and accepted my fate that this was reality now, or perhaps how it had always been, for all I knew at that point. In that instant of acceptance the energy that was going through my body snapped and cracked and the pulse in my body became a steady surge, it was as if I was finally plugged in to everything. I thought to myself, this is it, this is what every human in history has strived to reach, this place here is the point of existence. While what was going on around me was visually crazy and it was mentally confounding, I accepted it and I felt it accept me back. Something just felt right about it, I keep calling it the beautiful chaos, and thatís just the perfect way to describe it.
Then, I found that something quite strange began to occur, I believe even for the DMT hyperspace that was expanding within my mind. Out of the corners of this alternate universe, music began to play, and I even recognized the lyrics: ďI am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.Ē It was the freaking Beatles playing the song I Am the Walrus, and out of all the places for this to be playing, it was happening HERE? I couldnít make sense of it and I actually thought to myself that if I was in heaven right now, God must really like the Beatles. The universe was still very much alive with color and movement, even more than it was before, but despite the confusion and beautiful chaos that was happening around me, I could understand every single word that was in that song and I knew it was the Beatles. I was pretty dumfounded about why it was playing, and Iím not sure at what point in the song that it entered my consciousness, but it must have been toward the end. At one point it does a sudden twist in the beat, and as this was happening, the song just shattered everything that was before me. There was no longer a grid, it was as if someone shattered it like glass and shards of color were rippling and then exploding from every direction. Then from all this beautiful chaos, it appeared as if a group of people were coming from it, though I could only get a brief glimpse of their outline.
Then just as suddenly as it happened, I was back in my room, sitting in my bed against the wall with the bowl lying beside me on the sheets it honestly took me a couple minutes to get my bearings back. Okay I told myself, you are in your room, which is in the city I live in, back on planet Earth. I was still tripping very hard and there were crazy ripples of light everywhere and a lot of morphing, but I was no longer in hyperspace, I was back in my room. Then I heard the radio on, which was responsible for the Beatles just blowing my mind and it finally made sense why it was playing. As soon I was a little more settled, I grabbed my phone and called my best friend. I proceeded to tell him I finally broke through, and all I could say after was ďHoly shit, what the fuck, oh my God,Ē and I repeated those three phrase for at least twenty minutes, it really was all I could say. After that I called my girlfriend told her anyways that the most amazing thing ever had just happened and it was incredible! I was just absolutely ecstatic and I felt recharged, like I was truly alive for the first time in years! It was unbelievable!
I believe the MXE was still coursing through my system, because I tripped for quite a while longer, it synergized very well with the DMT and I just sat on the couch taking deep breaths staring at the ceiling watching the fireworks. I canít say how much of an impact it had on my breakthrough, Iím sure it had some, but I feel as though the DMT completely overpowered it for the time that I was out. I continued to just feel really good for quite a while but eventually I fell asleep around 4 a.m., and woke up bright and early for work with a couple things on my mind I could never possibly convey to co-workers. For only having a couple hours of sleep, I felt pretty good if not a bit wobbly still from the MXE, and all I could think about for the next few days was what in the hell happened to me.
The experience itself was one of the most powerful experiences of my life, and no other psychedelic has even touched what DMT did to me. Although I had a couple grams of DMT left, I have never even really smoked any of it again. I was hesitant to breakthrough to begin with, and now Iím equally hesitant to go back now that I know how powerful DMT is. If I had to describe it Iíd compare it to how I imagine someone might describe skydiving, it is just getting out the door thatís scary, but once you do you are in for a ride. Regardless itís something Iíll be forever grateful to have experienced, but Iím satisfied with having experienced it. The DMT was just soooooo powerful to go back so soon, even a year later, though one day I will return. With the remaining grams, I have introduced several friends to the world that is DMT and let them get a taste of what it means to really live, something I think everyone should try at least to know it is there.
And besides, now every time I hear I Am the Walrus I am instantly filled with nostalgia and the feelings come back from that fateful nightÖ
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