Citation: vibes. "A Long Tail: An Experience with 2C-P & MDMA (exp96222)". Erowid.org. Dec 20, 2012. erowid.org/exp/96222
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A note to readers...too much time dilation for me to even approximate and such a strong afterglow that I have no idea when I returned to 'baseline'.
Well, I will do my best here: a buddy of mine got a hold of quite a bit of it and came over to share. They were supposedly pre-weighed into 10mg caps. Initially I took one. For the first two hours nothing happened, maybe the slightest change in perceptions but that is it. The visuals first started to appear as what I would call bubbles. They were similar to the spots traced in your vision after staring at the sun and then looking away, except they had a bit more colour to them. For me this is what most the visuals consisted of besides just basic brain 'glitch' type visuals, it is a bit hard for me to recall though and even harder to put into words. Anyways after about the three hour mark I decided to re-dose 5mg. Then I impatiently dosed about 125 mg 'MDMA' in quotes because I am pretty sure it had the slightest speed cut with it which likely wouldn't have made much a difference but while tripping, I most definitely noticed, I had a few waves that felt like what I could compare to someone on a high dose of methamphet, not sure if this was something in the molly or what.
Shortly after this the buddy I was tripping with left rather unexpectedly. Well this was alright, I ended up wandering around my yard naked and I decided to take a shower at some point. While in the shower my visuals really picked up. My previous experiences with higher doses of psychedelics has only been shrooms before this. Anyways those bubble blotches were coming on strong and geometric shapes were popping out the wall at me, all while my body was feeling really speedy from the 2c-p and also speedy in a different way from the molly.
Well this is where things get rather difficult to explain, my best bet in retrospect is karma kind of hit me right here. I all of the sudden got kind of a stabbing pain in my chest, my heart was beating fast but this was so shocking it almost resembled a cardiac arrest for the slightest second, like a brick hit my chest for lack of better words. I wasn't to worried at first. I somewhat wondered if I was not breathing or something while staring at the visuals. I decided it best to turn the shower off though. Also around this time I got a flashback type visual (or more like a thought, it was imagined) of the shroomery home page, and one of the first articles in the stream 'man dies in sweat bath'. This was a bit disconcerting and I would say the first sign things weren't going to be as little kidish and exploitative as when this trip started out.
Anyways I got out of the shower and looked into the mirror (try this on mushrooms if you have not ;)). At first, it was beautiful and intriguing, borderline dissociative I felt like I was seeing myself for the first time in a long time, I needed this moment, I was in love with myself, so beautiful, such a perfect creation.
Now what happens next is much similar to what happened in the shower earlier with staring at the visuals except I was staring at myself. Slowly I started to go deeper and deeper, this is the point where I'd say the 'parasite' (in reference to part of our belief system based on fear/lies) showed itself. I began to feel like I was falling into the mirror for lack of better words, so hard to describe, I was still feeling completely blissful, then once I reached a certain point the 'parasite' reveals itself, I got scared. At first for a second. So I looked away to the wall next to the mirror. The wall started to eat me up as well though; at first the visuals were like geometric shapes, then it was like I was entering a place with more than our standards 3-dimensions, impossible to describe at this moment, perhaps DMT like but so much different I would hardly want to compare. It really seemed I was leaving. Something in me resisted it though. Then the heart attack feeling again only so much more realistic, my heart was beating FAST, and it was as if in the moment I resisted it had a very hard squeezing feeling (like a muscle cramp you might get in your leg). Then the parasite showed itself I was forced to face it (or I made myself face it really, I didn't take that high of a dose for no reason).
I resisted but to no avail; the most I could manage to do was leave the bathroom completely freaked out in hopes of not remembering what just happened or something. Well this scared part of my mind kept showing itself, I was mortified, I had no clue what to do or say or think, everything hit me. Everything I had been hiding from, and all the lies that for quite some time (probably since around 3 - 4 years of age) I had been completely convinced were the truth. I kept on trying to hide though. I ended up making a phone call and asking my cousin if he could talk (he has some psychedelic experience and lived in the same neighborhood at the time) and he agreed. Once I saw him, I realized I had no clue what to say, how could I define what was going on, and better yet what did I want from him? I gave him absolutely nothing to work with, but he was doing his best to help me. I would seemingly start a sentence, then realize that I was lying and stop, then I would look for truthful words to describe (and I mean on a completely pure level, like even everyday expressions used and what not, just every little thing that we lie about and don't consider on a daily basis I forced myself to look at). He didn't know what to do, I'm sure some amount of 'telepathic' communication was occurring but even that could not get my point across. He ended up taking me back to the house when I told him perhaps smoking weed may help. So I packed a bowl, and he left shortly after.
Yes, cannabis certainly helped, but it didn't put me back in that little kid state just yet, I had to finish this healing process and that wild spirit of Cannabis threw my animal instincts through the roof, waves of fight or flight type brain activity. I stopped smoking when it just wasn't getting me 'higher' and the effect it was having on my heart rate was staring to seem dangerous.
What happens next is so blurry, but essentially I continues to try to run from my self. Or at least the part of myself I did not agree with but did not yet understand it was my choice to change it. I decided to walk around or impulsively just did, thinking, thinking, wandering all around my house exploring and learning very very quickly. The next point that frightened me completely was my own image in the mirror in my room, I looked like so scary that I scared myself, I didn't even realize who I was. I had a lava lamp on but it just would not bubble anymore around this time, just made goop.
Anyways I basically lost my mind at this point, madness took over me or something as it would seem at the time. I started to analyze so much, as I usually do with Cannabis and tend to enjoy philosophizing and what have you. But this was much stronger. No words can describe but I was learning a lot at hyper rates. This divine force was showing me so much: a lot of which I find best not to share and a lot of which I am just not evolved enough yet to have the words to describe truthfully. Essentially though truth smacked me in the face and I slowly lost resistance to it and was realizing it was not so bad. It seemed though as if every time I came to peace with the truth it kept getting stronger and stronger and more would be revealed to me.
For example at one point in the trip around this time I was very astrally projected far out probably towards the edge of the big bang and the physical universe, and this like fractal effect happened where I was looking into the edge of the universe, and passed through it back into my own eyes. As I came back to this reality there was a tickticktickticktickticktick of a clock or the like and I basically saw that I was just playing games with myself because I have nothing better to do for eternity, or perhaps God saw this through me, I would say both though. Then I moved onto realizing the oneness of absolutely everything and connecting the dots, much like mushrooms.
Eventually I laid down went back in forth between under the covers and getting out because my body temp would rapidly spike, then I would feel cold much like approaching ego dissolution with psilocybin. At some point everything absolutely dissolved though, I never really thought I was dead like some people describe with ego death but more I just realized life was my imagination anyways (or God's, doesn't make a difference how it is stated after this point since we were merging and becoming one again). I realized that some frame of consciousness had reached this point before but that it was likely from death in a previous life or something of the sort, this time there was no narration of whether I was dead or alive, I just was.
I came to again that morning. Felt so refreshed and got out of bed and a couple of those bubble visuals passed by my vision again. This is when a thought hits me, first its 'am I still in a psychedelic state?' then 'no no no, the question I really am wondering is where is the line between that state and sobriety?' It was at this point that the parasite resurfaced, I was scared again. This time it was much easier though to see it for what it was, lies, and it was losing strength as I was refusing to feed it or respond.
I had a tough time rebuilding after this, it has taken months, and I am still in the process of becoming exactly who I want to be and being in agreement with that. It seemed for probably about 8 months after that experience I would relive the same flashback every morning as the morning I got out of bed after that trip, except making further and further each time - further and further as in I would wake up feeling as a child would perceive the world, then say while brushing my teeth or something the lies would catch me for a moment: learning to live life while still understanding that we are all one. I have faded in and out of this lesson, and tried to run a few times more but I have just come to peace with that the most that there can be is cycles, so because Yin will have a Yan: no matter what, I just have to let both the Yin and Yan synch up with my true intent or just not enter into a cycle.
Another way to put this, learning to make decisions and even changing my own thoughts a to understand both sides of an action-reaction and enjoy them both and embrace them both, and always realizing neither one of them is permanent but just cycles we place upon ourselves, on a physical level and even on a divine level (no difference really, only perfection exist the only thing else there is to do is be one and be one and be one and be one and be one and be one and be one and be one and be one, infinite void) and I am okay with that. I can still have a perfectly meaningful life from this point of perception of the human that is being experienced or is experiencing life, if anything it makes it more meaningful knowing that I have seen the truth and no longer want to run at all.
I definitely had effects similar to HPPD which have subsided now (since a trip where I just let go completely without resistance, yes, psychedelics healed my 'HPPD'). I really just think the visuals persisted though because I was still learning from them, once i decided to imagine out of unconditional love (still working on but have made enormous progress), they subsided.
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