Citation: Paul. "Fear: An Experience with Opioids (exp96133)". Erowid.org. Sep 12, 2018. erowid.org/exp/96133
I Fear to stop using opiates I'm scared of the pain, the depression but most of all I'm scared of being me. My addiction troubles started when I was 13 and I had this deep pain inside me that I wanted to cover up. (some bad things happen to me as a child and for a long time) I wanted beer to help me forget and it did help, I went on to use Xanax, weed, cocaine, adderal, crack, mdma, and alot of oxycontin. I spent 3 years chasing oxycontin taking money from my family friends I went down way down. But at the same time I dont hate Opiates I love them they saved me, and gave me a way to get past my pain.
But now I have to get past opiates. I live a normal life I go to work every day I pay my bills I just have to have Opiates to get by. I'm in treatment with suboxone I'm not sure its helping I'm 7 days from my appt, and I have been out for 3 days already but I have another source for some morphine. I'm trying to take the smallest amount as possible to get by and take the withdraw pain.
I Fear the pain I fear not having the drug I'm weak with out it I'm strong with it. I just keep thinking how to get out of this it controls me. I know there are others out there and they know what I'm talking about so when you read this just know I am thinking of you. Tomorow I have to work a ten hour shift I only have half a morphine 30mg. I'll wait as long as possible to take it. I fear I might take it tonight.
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