Citation: Bee. "Fun But Not Amazing: An Experience with MDMA (exp95510)". Erowid.org. Nov 13, 2019. erowid.org/exp/95510
I had my first experience with MDMA two weeks ago today. The session had been built up for about a month, and I was really excited. My long distance boyfriend decided we would do it together over my spring break from college. He was not a first time user, so I felt really comfortable with him.
Before I start the report I figure I should give a little background of myself. I'm 18 years old and currently in college, and I consider myself very smart, some of which I’m sure has to do with the fact that I come from a family that stresses education. My drug use has not been very extensive at all, I’ve only smoked weed occasionally, and been drunk once, which was not fun for me. I always had the mindset that if I chose to do a drug, I would be responsible about it because my family has a history of addiction. So I researched MDMA very extensively leading up to the session. I felt confident that I knew what I was in for.
It was a Friday night, and I had just arrived at my boyfriend’s apartment after a long and boring drive from my city to his. Despite all the research, I was pretty nervous since this was my first “hard” drug. We emptied the capsules and parachuted the Molly. I just sat there waiting for what felt like forever. It probably didn’t help that we ate pizza before we took the drug.
It probably didn’t help that we ate pizza before we took the drug.
Eventually we decided to take a shower and I noticed that I started to feel a bit funny. I couldn’t really identify what the feeling was, but I decided that I liked it. I then began to smile and just didn’t stop. I remember thinking to myself that my cheeks should hurt by now, and maybe they did. I was just so happy that it didn’t really matter.
After we got out of the shower we decided to have sex, because I’d always heard it was great on Molly. That was when we peaked. I just remember feeling this incredible love for him, and thinking “It’s always this way, it’s just a stronger feeling right now”. All I could seem to say to him was “I love you so much”. At one point the feelings of love and admiration were so strong that I started to tear up a bit, but it was extremely happy tears. After we finished we decided to go downtown, which was exciting to me not only because I was rolling, but also because he lives in a large city, and I live in a smaller town that doesn’t even have a “downtown”.
As we were driving I noticed that any “euphoria” feeling I had was quickly diminishing. I still felt really good, just not nearly as euphoric as I had expected. This had only been about 1 hour after we peaked. I later found out that the Molly we got was not as pure as we had thought. It had been cut with baking soda, I believe. I was relieved to know it wasn’t cut with other drugs though. As we were walking through downtown, I couldn’t stop smoking cigarettes. I’m already a smoker but I began smoking a lot more than I normally do. My boyfriend and I went through a pack that night. The cigarettes felt really good, and for some reason I thought I just looked cool doing it.
We ended up finding a trance/dubstep show that was ending as soon as we got there. I was disappointed because I have never gone to one, and have always wanted to. However, we got to talk to some really nice people, and I was really happy about that. I felt like these people could be my best friends, and I kind of wanted to talk to them all night. Unfortunately my boyfriend was ready to go home.
When we got home, we were walking into the apartment building and we decided to let our dog outside so he could go pee. My boyfriend walked down the sidewalk with him and I sat on the grass. I looked up at the stars and suddenly felt so connected to the world, and everything around me.
I looked up at the stars and suddenly felt so connected to the world, and everything around me.
I kept thinking how beautiful the stars were, and how wonderful just being alive is, and how great it is to be able to be a part of humanity. Then I looked at my boyfriend and again was overwhelmed with intense feelings of love and compassion for him. I’ve always known he will be my life partner but at that moment it felt so wonderful to think about that and realize I get to keep this man forever.
After our dog was done going to the bathroom, we went back inside. My boyfriend was ready for bed, which I thought was really strange because I couldn’t even imagine sleeping at that point. So we laid in bed, and he fell asleep almost instantly at around 2 A.M. I, however, did not. I didn’t feel “high” anymore, but there’s no way I was sleeping. My eyes were closed and my body was very still and relaxed, but my brain was going a million miles a minute. I thought about anything and everything, and at one point thought I heard a woman speaking to me. I can’t remember what I thought she said, and I don’t think I actually had the auditory hallucination, I think my brain just didn’t know what to do about being up for over 24 hours and made something up for me.
At one point I looked at the clock and it was 6:45 A.M. I estimate that I fell asleep around 7 A.M. I woke up 3.5 hours later at about 10:30 A.M. and felt extremely rested and happy and peaceful. I almost felt like I was still lightly rolling. That happy feeling wore off the farther in the day I got though. Both my boyfriend and I became a bit irritable and snippy. However, I realized that I could either choose to be in a bad mood, or I could choose to be happy. My boyfriend seemed to have a harder time than I did, and we got in little tiffs throughout the day. We kept in mind that we weren’t really angry with each other though, it was our serotonin trying to regulate itself. The rest of my trip to see him went very well, and we were both happy as a clam.
Overall, I would say my experience with MDMA was a good one. I will definitely do it again, but I’m going to make sure it doesn’t become a regular thing, because while rolling is fun, I love my life and I want to live it without being under the influence or at the mercy of a drug. However I have decided that next time, I’m going to get better quality Molly, so I can really experience the euphoria I’ve heard so much about.
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