Citation: TOnY. "Intense Paranoid Delusions and Terror: An Experience with Methoxetamine (exp95400)". Erowid.org. Feb 26, 2016. erowid.org/exp/95400
Quite a lot of what I experienced has been left out of this at present as I am still, over 48 hours later, in a state of mental shock after the experience and wish to relay some of the very negative effects more than describe in depth the pleasant effects that are already covered in other reports. I do not think this compound can be trusted. I have been accurate with my claimed dosage, I am not exaggerating when I say I took close to a gram mostly sublingually over the course of perhaps 4-6 hours. It was bought from a reputable online vendor and I have very little doubt about what I consumed being the genuine substance and as pure as is available. I have roughly a decade of experience with various drugs in varying degrees (including extremely potent things like freebase DMT and also ketamine) and have never experienced the level of prolongued terror and delusion that came with this drug.
So here is my attempt at describing the effects. I had planned on taking some methoxetamine and DMT together as I had heard this can be a very pleasant combination. I started off by taking 25mg sublingually, after about half an hour or so I was definitely feeling effects from it and found it very enjoyable.
My previous MXE experiences had been whilst under the influence of alcohol in a friend's house and I had very little recollection of what effect the MXE had on those occasions (I tend to blackout when I drink). On this occasion I was sober, alone, comfortable, well fed and generally in good spirits. My house phone was unplugged and I had nothing that I needed to do for the next day or two.
I proceeded to take another 25mg sublingually followed immediately by 20mg chopped into 2 lines nasally. The positive sensations increased and increased. At this point I stopped measuring how much I was taking and just started irresponsibly taking unknown amounts with no regard for whether it was safe or likely to remain enjoyable. Over the course of about 4-6 hours I ended up taking very close to the whole gram of it, mostly sublingually but also intranasally (all that was left of the gram when I returned to reality was a line's worth lying next to a blood-stained snorter). The effects I experienced ranged from very pleasant to extremely unpleasant and frightening, such as the pleasant feeling that my consciousness was able to move at will from my body and inhabit other objects in the room and that the couch I was lying on was something which I could melt right inside at will, at one point I was concerned that I was going to go too far and melt myself right through the couch, through the floor and right into the downstairs neighbour's house. At times I felt that everyone around me, neighbours and people outside, were able to hear my thoughts.
At times I felt that everyone around me, neighbours and people outside, were able to hear my thoughts.
At other points I felt I was God and that I had direct control over everything in reality (I am an atheist).
I originally posted this on a DMT forum and got several responses from people who have experienced similar delusions with this drug. A couple of people said they could not understand how I was physically able to redose after initial consumption, so I think it is worth me adding here that my redosing required very little movement or perception of reality, it was simply a case of maneuvering an arm towards my snake tank where I had the powder laid out and pressing my finger onto the powder then placing it under my tongue. I was largely incapacitated during a lot of the experience but this was accompanied by periods of lucidity where I was able to navigate my house with serious difficulty, walking in 'spaceman' steps like a badly programmed robot and sometimes finding myself in different areas of my house with no idea how I got there, my body frozen in a contorted position which I would then snap out of and try to make my way back to my couch or bed.
As things progressed I started feeling that something was communicating with me, eventually this communication became very direct and was coming to me through my computer screen. I couldn't properly make sense of what I was being told but I knew that I was being warned of something and offered a chance to escape it.
Now that I have returned to baseline I am aware how ludicrous these things are in terms of the physics of the material world, but at the time it felt as real as anything that I experience in day to day life. So what followed from some of these initial mostly pleasant, although very strange, effects were what I think can only be described as a psychotic episode which lasted over 24 hours (starting from the first dose of MXE). I started becoming aware of a humming noise, which I thought was coming from my computer so I turned it off. This never stopped the noise, it continued to rise and rise in intensity. The hum was accompanied by bubbling sounds, clicks and mechanical 'scanning' (I don't really know how to explain it) and I spent quite a while trying to figure out where this sound was coming from, I turned off everything electrical in my house and the sounds just continued...
I don't know at what point my brain made the jump to what happened next so I'll just tell it as I remember it. I became aware that the sounds I was hearing were neither internal to me nor coming from anything in my house that I needed to turn off but were in fact coming from outside. I started being able to hear people screaming and shouting. I looked out my window and could see people running around in panic. This is when I realised what was happening. My neighborhood was being invaded, the sound I was hearing was the sound of spaceships approaching and they had now arrived and were wreaking havoc on the people in the houses around me. The earlier 'communication' I had been getting via my computer was the aliens attempting to warn me and offer to save me from the fate that awaited the rest of earth's inhabitants. The scanning sound was them trying to detect consciousness within the houses, and when they detected it they would then extract the person from the house and take them away (presumably with bad intentions).
Needless to say I was terrified by this point and was not thinking or acting rationally. I was eventually standing pressed against the wall in the hall in my house (the only area with no windows, which somehow made me feel a little safer) holding a knife staring at my door waiting for it to be breached by whatever these things outside were... a long while after this I started becoming aware that what was going on was almost certainly something in my head, and that the drug I had taken had probably triggered some kind of paranoid delusion or something (I was switching between being aware I had taken a drug and completely forgetting that I was highly intoxicated)
(I was switching between being aware I had taken a drug and completely forgetting that I was highly intoxicated)
, so I decided to just go and curl up under a blanket and try to ride it out. I was eventually thinking quite lucidly and reasonably but I could still hear pandemonium going on outside and was not entirely convinced that it really was all in my head so I just lay there for hours until I fell asleep, terrified, shaking and confused.
When I woke up a few hours later normality had returned, although my mind was still (and still is) very confused. I checked how long this experience had been going on for and concluded that it couldn't really be classed as a 'bad trip' since it continued long after the effects of the drug should have worn off, so must have been something mental that had been triggered by the drug. I looked outside and the sun was shining, people were going about their business and there were no signs that an alien invasion had occurred. I am shaken by what happened and relieved that it was all in my head, but also relieved that it wasn't a state of mind that remained permanent, since I do know of people who have had experiences like this which have lead to hospitalization with schizophrenia which needed long-term medication and psychiatric care to get under control. I didn't think I was coming back from this and at times thought I was possibly dying or even already dead.
It seems likely that what I experienced was a combination of an overdose and a triggering of a latent problem. I have a family history of mental illness and a personal history of some mental instability, usually brought on by alcohol... but anyway, the experience was what it was and I thought it was worth sharing online as a word of warning to anyone else who thinks dabbling with a large amount of MXE will be safe just because the drug is legal. It is a very powerful drug with little to no information (as far as I am aware) of what possible long term problems can occur. It seems to be a real brain fryer. I don't think I will ever take it again. People should be very careful with it and make sure to stick to very small doses. I think if I had left it after the initial few measured doses it would have been a very positive experience.
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