Citation: Porridge. "Hospital Hell: An Experience with Mushrooms (exp95189)". Erowid.org. Aug 25, 2012. erowid.org/exp/95189
It was New Years Eve, and I had no plans or preparation for the night. I went over to my friend's house and he mentioned that he had a baggie of shrooms. It wasn't a fair trade, but since I had never taken mushrooms before he agreed to exchange my bag of weed with his 3.5 grams. I ate it with peanut butter and it was dry and crunchy. Within minutes I felt so nauseous I tried to induce vomit in the bathroom. I couldn't do it so I gave up and went for a car ride with my friend. 45 minutes had passed as we began down the road, my tripping really started. The tree's were coming at me so fast, I felt compelled to greet every one of them. He put on loud gabber music and I danced and saw closed eye visuals of patterns and dragons.
We picked up our friend from a meeting and I felt too uncomfortable to enter the building in my state. He ran out to us and I noticed the ground was covered in fungus looking red dots. Back at his place, he turned on a strobe light and played metal through some sub woofers. I figured I would have fun and move to the music, but it made me disoriented. I tried to keep my mood lifted, but things became so cartoon-ish and distorted, I felt like I didn't know where to put my focus. My thoughts began racing and the paranoia elevated. I went to get a drink of water and it was suggested that we go to yet another friend's house.
I figured we were just stopping by, but he told us to come inside as it would take a while. And I enter this sketchy, freezing cold crack house. The place is trashed and it is filled with addicts. I tried to find solitude and some peace in the bedroom but on this poor excuse of a mattress all I can see when I close my eyes is moving patterns like a built in kaleidoscope.
I watched some people play guitar hero but at that point I begged to be driven home by my friend. We finally left and I have a video of myself in the car of us stopped to let a train go by with me yelling for him to stop the car or we will hit the train (we're at a complete stand still). Sifting through my iPod was useless as it was covered in red and green neon dots, obscuring the titles. My friend turned into a demonic shadow, but soon I was dropped off at my house around 3:30 a.m.
I entered the house and joined my sister on the couch. I attempted to sit there like I wasn't on the verge of a panic attack and watched her and her boyfriend laugh at South Park, which was featuring Satan figure skating and burning things. I couldn't believe how awful the world we live in today is and couldn't endure the trip any longer. My sister and her boyfriend retired to bed, and it was when I was alone in my room did things become horrifying. I recall the feeling of being completely alone. I looked at my computer and saw the words on my friend's away messages, stating 'Happy New Year' as the words melted down the screen.
My computer desktop had a picture of me and my friend lying on the ground. We looked like corpses and I couldn't bear to look at it. I went to find my cell phone for someone to talk to, but the moment I picked it up I didn't know how to use it or who to call. I forgot what I was doing, all I could do was look at the clock in pain at how slow it would take for one minute to pass. My mind took over and I began to believe that time was stopping. The room around me became dark and overwhelmingly evil. Everywhere I looked there was nothing to turn to for comfort and it seemed as if all of my possessions were turning on me and reminding me of how bad of a person I am. I was still a teenager during this and I called for my mother half heartedly, not knowing if she would be there or if she could hear me. She entered the room looking like a monster. It was at that point I was convinced the world had ended. She asked me what was wrong with me and I told her I was in Hell. She called my sister into the room when I curled up and began crying hysterically on the ground. My sister came in not understanding and my mother explained that I was having a bad trip. She knelt beside me and in her most comforting voice, tried to explain to me that it was only a drug and I was perfectly fine.
Her face was twisting in front of me and her pupils became slitted. They both looked so disgusting to me, they could not be my real family members. I believed she was a demon, mocking me of my drug use from my past life. I then lost all control. I stood up and went to the mirror, screaming at my own distorted reflection. I cleared everything off the dresser and the shelves. I pushed the computer onto the ground and threw my furniture. I never, ever have lashed out like this. I remember bits and pieces of it, but according to my family it was the worst psychotic fit they had ever witnessed. I ripped down my dress, yelling that I looked like a whore. I saw a police officer walk almost robotically up my stairs. I felt that he too was a monster sent to torment me. I knew him from somewhere, but I couldn't place where (he turned out to fill in for the officer at my high school from time to time) and I was forcibly handcuffed on the ground. I remember the pain I felt of being overpowered and man handled by these 'monsters' and believing it could only worsen.
The police carried my writhing body down the stairs and out of the house, onto the street and into an ambulance. They put me on a stretcher and I was terrified and out of touch with reality, they might have given me a sedative I don't recall. All I could do was take in my surroundings and feel anguish. I have no idea why I thought all of these awful things, but in my head I believed them. I entered the hospital where within moments I saw a nurse. I looked right at her and said something so horrible I regret it to this day. I figured she was there to torment me for the mistakes I made in life. Once in the hospital bed, I have vague memories of them attempting to use medical equipment on me and I flipped out. The nurses left the room save for one. She tried to put heart monitor patches on my body but I slapped her in the face. I saw a cop watching me from outside in the hall and made crude gestures at him, I couldn't think rationally. He walked away ashamed for me. My mother came in several minutes later after they sedated me and hit me again after I was babbling about something. I just recall her telling me the world did not end. The trip was beginning to lessen and the sedatives calmed me down. When I realized what I had just done, it was hard to balance the relief that came with me being alive, but also having to live with myself after what I had done. It was a silent car ride home.
I had to come to terms with the fact that I am not mentally able to cope with prolonged tripping, as interesting as I find it. With lower dosages, friends and a familiar setting, this all could have been avoided. However in my mindset, morality and rationality are seemingly thrown out the window with my skewed perception.
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