Citation: Allen B.. "My Heart Aflood With Bliss: An Experience with MDMA (exp95104)". Erowid.org. Feb 27, 2013. erowid.org/exp/95104
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I’d like first to implore those intending to undertake their first roll to venture forewarned, for the drug may prove disastrously deleterious if used profligately. Furthermore, the amount of MDMA needed to inflict substantial damage to one’s neurological structure and thus daily mood is far below that of other more benign drugs. In other words, the weekly or even bi-monthly use of the drug may prove dangerously superfluous, however belated the adverse effects may be. I’d concede also that the harm one may potentially incur is found in an unexpected place: the ineffable beauty of the roll itself. This is to say that one who has only disdain for sobriety – the state into which we are irrefutably born and in which we are to spend a majority of our days – may find the quality of one’s sober life irreversibly tainted by the brief glimpse of perfection afforded by MDMA. That said, the roll is an experience incomparable to any other and certainly one which I feel holds ample value for those in the appropriate mindset.
Before enumerating the many nuances of the MDMA-induced state, I’d like to portray a few of the settings I’d say befit it. All such surrounding circumstances should be considered carefully, for those prudent users would likely refrain from engaging in the drug’s use no more than a few times throughout their lives. Ask yourself whether you intend to hold fruitful discourse with another, or whether you intend to acclimate to the social setting in a manner far more projective than any you’d think possible without the aid of MDMA. I’d say to experiment in both settings. That is, use once with one or two very close companions, then again in a larger social setting – say, a rave or party, for instance. The use of MDMA in the latter may prove immeasurably useful for those timid or bashful, as suddenly you’d feel prompted therein to explore the contents of the souls of those about you. I would advise you to use no more than two caps of molly in that setting, for any more may catapult you so far into the heavens that such a prospect as communication may seem incomprehensible. I know from experience.
Also, I advise the use of a substance identified as “molly” and not “ecstasy,” as the former title implies a pure specimen of MDMA, the latter an adulterated, enigmatic substance of whose composition I could never be sure. Molly also provides me a far more intense experience and is devoid of the stimulants which give ecstasy it’s “tweak.”
Now, I entered my first roll with none save a single close friend, excitedly and sanguinely. I heeded his advice, he being an inveterate molly-user, and imbibed a single capsule, to again in a half-hour’s time ingest another, thereby prolonging the peak. We sat idling in his bedroom for some time, awaiting the impending bliss. I recall being first struck while playing guitar and gazing absently at my fingers dancing upon the neck. Suddenly images appeared wavy, and a slight euphoria settled upon me. Walking up the stairs, it felt as though I were venturing into some unknown depths, penetrating an impenetrable wall past which lay something elusive and previously unbeknownst to me. The roll rolled in, as it does, and my friend and I soon got to talking, sitting on his porch, I upon a rocking chair and he upon a step.
We spoke for hours of both our lives, the misery and the love and longing with which we both identified. The words so effortlessly effused, the emotional impact of all sentiments disclosed more profound than ever. I internalized each word uttered and understood completely the efflux of purported sentiments and notions. I felt my sorrow turned to bliss, reviewed my life and all that had transpired therein. What struck me most about the experience was that it was one comprised entirely of valid emotions. As someone who’d previously engaged in the use of the most addictive drugs one may encounter, I noted wondrously that what I felt was far more than some deep itch scratched, or some brief departure from reality; what I felt was pure, unabated happiness suffusing from the depths of my soul. I’d concede that heaven is nothing like a hit of crack or dope, but rather something much like the roll.
Let’s now discuss the psychedelic aspect. The air, it was charged with electricity; the earth shimmered splendidly; my steps sped extremely as though some “fast-forward” button had been pressed; the light emanating from streetlamps spiraled toward its center; my teeth chattered rapidly, the sound issued thereby reverberating within my skull. My eyes did roll into the back of my head in exaltation, my entire body given over to bliss.
Then struck the peak. My friend had gone inside for a moment and suddenly I found myself feeling nauseous, though the thought of any negative sensation seemed absurd to me, so this expectation of regurgitation was not at all unpleasant. Indeed I did soon vomit and once I’d finished I turned my head slowly to the night sky and declared triumphantly, “I’m happy! I’m happy!” Truly, that sudden awareness of so consummate a deluge of joy was previously inconceivable, the knowledge of such halcyon exultation unimaginable. My heart was aflood with bliss, and I cried.
The experience is ineffably intense and it will often prompt me to divulge sentiments I would otherwise deem reticent, making it a valuable therapeutic tool. The comedown, however, is brutal; suddenly the joy is sucked from you, and your soul is transformed into a vacuous sack. You may feel some residual depression a few days thereafter, but lament not, for if you refrain from excessive use you’ll rebound fully. Again, I must stress that you stay continent in the face of temptation, for so little of this divine substance is needed to sabotage the course of your entire life. Wait at least 55 days to use again, if you so choose, for studies show that such a duration is needed for your brain to replenish its supply of serotonin. And also, make sure to chew gum, for though it may feel orgasmic just to grind away at your jaw, such behavior may result in a myriad of holes in your teeth, or the erosion of enamel. And water, drink water throughout the night, but slowly, for too much too fast can be as harmful as too little.
Be safe and be smart, my friends. Roll wisely.
P.S. My subsequent ventures into serotonin overload proved vastly different and I intend to record those experiences another day. Also, be sure to research what scientific studies into MDMA have been conducted, however inconclusive they turned out.
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