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Redefine My Position on Life
by Zackmann
Citation:   Zackmann. "Redefine My Position on Life: An Experience with AMT (exp9500)". Feb 22, 2002.

T+ 0:00
40 mg oral AMT (powder / crystals)
  T+ 2:00   smoked Cannabis (plant material)


Intro - This is my fifth experience with aMT. All have been positive experiences. And all but one has been with W, including this one.

Set - There was a weird mood the day of the trip. With the bombings just days earlier, I knew my mind would be overloaded for this journey into the unknown. But still, I was in good spirits and anxious to trip. I also hadn't eaten anything that day, and was on the tail end of recovering from a cold.

Setting - My house, with music/blacklights and lots swag cannabis.

6pm - W and I take our approximately 40 mgs of aMT in soft gel cap...

T + 1/2 hour - Definitely feeling something come on...just us 2 at the house...

T + 1 hour - I have entered the land of psychedelia, and am racing towards a +3...smoke some swag...too fucked up to roll a cone and W decide to go outside for a while and sit on the porch....

T + 2 hours - Come inside, and see that time has almost nausea.... Well into the plateau right now....very visual....everything has motion.... also very speedy.... the door to sharing ideas and opening up has flung wide open, and me and W start to discuss the situation that has just arose between us and Osma Bin Laden...conversation grows pretty deep, I am impressed with my ability to think and reason....more on this later...

T + 4 hours - Roommate R gets home from work...he has developed my cold, so decides not to trip and just to smoke and drink...This is where a my trip started to go bad....My other roommate, BJ, gets home from the bar, and brings in 3 other drunks (who don't do any drugs)....the conversation with them was very hard, and my extreme state was starting to get to me with all the people in the house...Some didn't know what I was on, and they were asking too many question that required me to defend my self....then 2 more show up....then 5 more show up.....FUCK....too many people at the house.....too many cars parked outside.....This is where paranoia started to set in.....My mind just kept thinking this many people and cars would attract the police and things would go very bad from there....More paranoia.....have trouble getting first bunch to leave...

About 2 hours later (maybe less, but seemed that long), they all left except for me, W, and takes me about 30 minutes to calm myself back down and get back into a good mind set.....from there we smoke lots of cannabis, listen to good music, and talk.....At this time I was still going strong (+3)....The visuals had actually increased....My auditory is messed up too....I am hearing very high pitch sounds (like a cell phone) that others are not....These high pitch sounds also seem to be inducing little flashes of light here and there.....Most visual aMT trip yet....

The thinking and reasoning done in my head during this trip, was amazing....I was able to define, and redefine my position on life, death, this crazy situation, and war.....The same line of thinking kept popping into my head....It went something like this:

I am not a religious person, I have faith in my body and internal workings, not faith in a higher power waiting for the best time to take me from this sinful state to a blissful state....Thinking, reasoning, learning, experiencing, are what makes my life now a blissful state....But as of last Tuesday my blissful state has been interrupted by the accumulation of ego, greed and evil.....Not just by one side doing evil, but by too much evil caused by wanting everybody to believe the same way....

We are on the steps of a worldwide holy war between the Christians/Jews and Muslims....Both sides have killed, and both sides are not done killing....I do not promote the breaking of morals in defense of morals....Every life is equally precious, regardless of beliefs or actions...The realization is that the human race is destined to die off some time. The likely cause will be religious tension + accelerated technology beyond what we can handle safely + over population that promotes chaos.....But I, like most, had always accepted this would happen after my lifetime.....The latest developments has human race pushing the envelope of self-destruction...Right now, the stage is being set, and we are about to play out the most important world wide conflict to date, with the most ever at stake....

Scary....My beliefs have nothing for me to look forward to after this life....So, in this life I want to learn as much as I can about me and my environment.....I am not ready to die.....If the unthinkable of a draft happens, and I am called on to support my country, I will not put myself in a situation where I could kill someone or get myself killed...I would rather be in jail with my brain and morals intact....

Everybody's lives and paths will now change with the outcome of this.....Since I am neutral to both sides as of right now, I can only hope there are others like me, that when the time comes, will stand up against mass military actions and fight for life, not life for some and death for some, but life for all.....

Conclusions - I finally went to sleep around 6 am, making it a strong 12 hour trip. Sleep was short and restless and a minor body load was experienced the day after. I also had a headache (possibly a change in brain chemistry). Cannabis once again proved to have great synergy. All previous trips with aMT were not too intellectual, more just social. The amount of thinking done about this important event and how I am effected by this event, was very powerful and very intellectual. The bad 2 hours I had in the middle forced me to get a hold of myself from the inside. Somehow my confidence was heightened by this (possibly a MAOi side effect). The whole experience was exhausting, with some great and some bad parts, but in the end a trip that made me more comfortable with me and my ideas....The next night, I ate some pot brownies and got very very stoned...Could have been the brownies or a residual effect from aMT and very little sleep...

I want to share a quote I read while in middle of peaking, that had a powerful effect on me and my thinking during the trip. It comes from an interview with a current underground rock band, when asked about Timothy McViegh being executed.

'I really have no concerns for what happens with life or death. We are all irrelevant. Some how or another, we must all experience bad fortune and good fortune. You may think it's a shame that all those people were killed but at the same time, from a perspective of universal logic, it is inevitable that something like that will always occur. The more activity you have mingling in a concentrated area, the more chaos you promote. The planet is so saturated with social, environmental and psychological chaos that it is really no surprise to me that a man like Timothy McVeigh existed. I put the guilt on society for Timothy's McVeigh's actions. We can't all be good when evil is readily available for vulnerable minds.' -Kenneth Schalk of Candira

Exp Year: 2001ExpID: 9500
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Feb 22, 2002Views: 12,783
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AMT (7) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Difficult Experiences (5), General (1)

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