Citation: Psilosomniac. "Pushing the Limits: An Experience with LSD & DMT (exp94874)". Erowid.org. Nov 12, 2012. erowid.org/exp/94874
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I've never experienced anything remotely close to the intensity of this combination. I rarely detail experiences I've had because words simply don't do them justice, but this is an exception because I feel it is something I need to share. Of course, the more incredibly intense it gets, the harder it gets to explain. Nevertheless, I'll at least make an attempt.
Lately I've been having weekly tripping sessions with a group of 4 friends. I introduced all of them to LSD, and we've been having some incredible experiences together. I absolutely love this drug. I've introduced DMT to three of them, and I've had mixed responses. They all had trouble smoking the stuff (as I use an oil burner pipe), but one of them didn't feel it very much at all, another had a pleasant mild trip, and the third had an extremely unpleasant experience (though she only took one hit, so it wasn't too difficult to handle). I decided to try my hand at smoking DMT on LSD the other weekend, and took two hits of it and had an incredible time. It wasn't a breakthrough by any means, but it was a pleasant intensifying of the LSD visuals that blew me out of the water at the time. It was good stuff, and I wanted to emulate that experience this weekend.
So this time I went for three hits of LSD, as we've all been gradually stepping up our dosage. It was an incredible day, and we dosed about 9:30am. We spent the first few hours of the experience indoors handling the peak, listening to music, watching Milkdrop, etc. Then we went outside, and explored the creek near one of their houses that we were staying at. It got cold, and we decided to head back inside, and I wanted to smoke DMT again. My friend said he was down, and the other two decided not to. We sit down and put on the Grateful Dead. So he takes two medium sized hits, and lays back and starts to have a good time. I was relieved because of the bad experience our other friend had, so I felt confident in doing it this time. We had started a stopwatch on one of our phones to keep track of how long we held the hits. I had switched it on when my friend started taking his hits, and so I started taking mine probably 3-5 minutes after it had started.
So I took a small hit, held for thirty seconds as always, and let it out. Then I lit up another, slightly bigger hit, and repeated. When the third hit came around, and I started inhaling, the bulb of the pipe completely fogged up with the vapor. I don't think I had ever taken a hit that big before. But I took it, held it in, and that's when things got real. I have no recollection of letting that hit out. In fact, as any of you who have experienced a breakthrough dose of DMT should know, much of the experience was blacked out.
The next thing I knew, I was lying on the ground on my stomach. I didn't know where I was, what was happening, why it was happening, what time it was, or who I was. I struggled to get a hold of reality. I opened my eyes wide and couldn't see a single thing at some points. The world was replaced with a horrid nightmarish world. When I could get glimpses of what was around me, the room was a huge swirl, like a blender. Stuff was EVERYWHERE. All of the things we had on the floor were scattered everywhere, and there were dozens of each object. I saw so many copies of my cell phone and the oil burner pipe, and jars and clothes and all sorts of things. Nothing made any sense. I pulled my hand out from under me, and the pipe was clenched in it. As I was looking at it, it completely vanished and reappeared on the ground next to me. I was dizzy and completely delusional. I kept thinking 'what time is it?' and 'what's happening to me?', but most importantly, 'am I hurt? am I okay? am I dying?'. I looked up to see my friend kneeling by me trying to talk to me in a calming voice, but I couldn't understand him. Not a word he was saying. It was complete gibberish. All the while these thoughts were swarming my head, and I struggled to ask him if I was hurt, but I couldn't articulate the thought into words. I kept thinking 'I have to ask him if I'm okay. Ask him!', but I couldn't speak. I just looked back up at him when he was speaking nonsense, and shook my head and curled back up into a ball. I had to just lay down and recede into myself. I had no choice.
I faded in and out of consciousness several times. My life was flashing right before my eyes. It was like a blurred tunnel of visions that came to me from my past. It felt like I zoomed through my entire life in a flash, going over everything that happened to me. It got to that day, and the day's events flashed through my mind. I made a tremendous effort to figure out at what point my memory stopped. I remember being at the creek, jumping on rocks (which I'm hugely fond of doing on LSD), and climbing on the rickety maintenance bridge we found. Had I fallen off? That was the only possibility I could think of. I must have fallen and hit my head, and had been rushed to the ER.
I pulled my head up and looked around the room. It wasn't the room I started in. It was somewhere else. It looked huge and tiny at the same time, pulsating. It looked nothing like the room we were in. I looked around and saw that all three of my friends weren't in there with me. The police! The police must have come and found out what happened. We were busted. It was all over. My life was ruined. I figured my friends were in the other room talking to an officer and explaining that I was on DMT, and they were waiting for me to become sane again. The dread of that combined with the feelings of sheer terror I had felt already, and I was losing it. I saw everything important to me before me demolished and destroyed. If I wasn't dying already (and the thought had occurred to me several times; there were times when I thought this was the only explanation), my life may as well have been over. Everything and everyone I cared about vanished before my eyes, destroyed. I had become insane. Lost my mind. Even if I survived this hellish nightmare, I would never be sane again. I would never be happy again. I managed to look up, and saw that my friend was back in the room and sitting on the couch. The window was behind him, and the light shining in obscured his face. He looked divine, but it was no comfort to me. I rolled back over and fell into it again.
I came back to and pulled myself up and flopped onto the couch. I faded in and out of reality as all these thoughts of dread and loss flooded my mind and broke me. I've had a few bad trips on mushrooms, but they don't compare to this. Not even close. I was convinced I would never feel happiness, which has happened to me on a horrible mushroom trip before. Then the thought hit me as I started to realize what was happening. The concept of a bad trip came back to me, and I remembered I had smoked DMT, and things began to make a little more sense. I was completely delusional, though. Intellectually, I knew that this would all be over soon, and I knew I had to remind myself of this, but the negative feelings overcame all rationality, and I became extremely depressed. The door opened and my friend came back in and sat on the chair next to me. He asked me if I wanted some water, and I weakly nodded and he handed me the bottle I had brought and I carefully cracked open the cap and took a sip. I just then realized how much my throat and mouth burned. The water helped, even though it gave me a bit of a coughing fit. I started burping quite a bit, and my friend said 'you're not gonna throw up on me, are you?'. I sort of chuckled and said no. My head nodded back over and I closed my eyes. Things were still horrifying, but reality was slowly starting to fade back in.
I remembered that the only way out of this nightmare was to let go. It took more effort than I'd care to admit to just lay back still and ride it out. All the while I was muttering things like 'holy shit...fuck... that was bad... really bad... really bad idea... why did I do that? Oh my God...'. But at least now I could understand English again, and could begin to communicate. I had pieced everything back together and began to understand what had happened to me, but the feelings still remained and I was weak, broken, and destroyed. Our other two friends came back in, and one asked if I was okay, and I told her yes, yes, I'll be fine, just give me another minute. Then I remembered the time. What time was it? I had to know. I had to know how long I was out for. I asked my friend, and he didn't know. I remember in the haze and confusion I looked at my phone and saw that it was 4:03. Now, I looked at it, and it was 4:23. I didn't put that together, and it was meaningless. Just numbers. Nonsense. I slipped back into the couch with my eyes clothes, whimpering and grunting a little bit.
At some point, I got up and went to the bathroom. The concept of time didn't mean anything to me, and the memory of it is jumbled and segmented. I finished the bottle of water when I came back, and laid back to relax and let the rest of it dissipate. The other two had gone back into the other room and it was just me and my friend who had stuck with me. He sat next to me and I was on the verge of sobbing. I started to talk to him in a soft, weak voice, and I kept repeating that that was a bad idea. That was a horrible idea. How could I have been so careless? I started to explain to him a little bit of what had happened, though it was still a mess in my mind. He told me when I was on the floor and he was trying to talk to me, I stared at him with eyes wide open and a blank face, and that my pupils were completely dilated. I'm the only one of the four of us that doesn't have dark brown eyes, and he said that there was absolutely no color in them. I was apparently shaking rolling about a bit. He said he brought the other two out of the room so that things would calm down a bit. Everything was fine. Nothing was broken, the police hadn't come, and I was beginning to grasp reality again. I was going to be okay.
He also said that there was one song that came on right as I started to fall into the bad trip. I had put on 'The Best of Skeletons From the Closet', a best-of album by the Grateful Dead, and the song that came on was called Rosemary. That song scares the shit out of me sober for some reason, and it made sense that that song triggered that negativity. It very well could have been the cause of all this. Our other friends came back in the room, and one of them found the phone with the timer. It was still running. This was at the point when I was just starting to come out of it, and it read 50 minutes. Fifty minutes! I was out for probably about forty-five minutes. In the heat of the experience, I thought it would all be over in 10. In all honesty, I would have guessed I was gone for days. Literally, days. It felt like years. Anybody who's experienced a breakthrough knows that feeling.
Without a doubt, this experience was the most terrifying and traumatizing experience of my entire life. I feel like this sort of experience is the worst thing a human being can go through and come out okay from. It was truly humbling, and has inspired a higher respect for these drugs. That's not to say I didn't have a respect for them already, but I'm surely going to tread with more caution in the future. It'll be a while before I combine these two drugs again, but I don't think I'll ever break through on DMT while on LSD again. I can't imagine a worse thing.
One post on the internet caught my eye upon rereading it:
'This combo will caused me to completely lose all control and any sense of self I still had left after taking LSD. The boundaries that separate my body from my surroundings dissolved and I mesh with the ever morphing energy surrounding me.
The DMT flash that followed was shocking and impossible. Since I was high on LSD I didn't comedown like I do when smoking DMT sober but remained in the dream for a significant amount of time. A lot happened but it wasn't human. After a while I wasn't functioning as a human anymore.
When I finally regained control the DMT afterglow and the LSD combined to give the feeling of surviving an extremely death defying experience. I was in a state of shock for a good while.
I personally love this combo but I have seen it break people before so think deeply about whether you want to subject your mind to something so shattering and foreign.'
I should have heeded this warning. This describes how I felt exactly.
Thanks for reading if you made it all the way through. I'll definitely never forget this experience and the lesson I learned from it. I think we all start to feel invincible at some point in our psychedelic careers. I'm just glad I pushed the limits in a safe environment rather than somewhere where I could have hurt myself or others.
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