Citation: wfan420. "A New Light: An Experience with Amphetamines (exp94818)". Erowid.org. Jan 6, 2013. erowid.org/exp/94818
Hello, well first let me get you started on some of my past drug history: cannabis regularly, herbal incense also regularly, dimenhydrinate, diphenhydramine, DXM, shrooms, Ritalin, Vicodin, Percocet and of course Adderall. I've experienced my fair share of substances over the years starting about 2 years ago when I started smoking herbal incense with my friends (best Halloween ever). I'd say my favorite drugs to do are the pills because they all have their own very unique effects and they last a decent amount of time, plus I can usually act OK on them.
Now a bit about me. At the time of writing this I am 18 years old, 6'4', I live with my parents and little brother in a small town in New Jersey. Drugs were always pretty common where I live with a little effort and good timing you could get pretty much anything you want. I have a girlfriend whom I love with all my heart and would be devastated without. Sorry to get all mushy. I've been struggling with ADHD, short-term memory loss, and lately bi-polar 1 (not diagnosed but I am 100% sure after vigorous research). The troubling thing about the bi-polar is I don't know when it began. I know I didn't have it forever and yet I can't remember not having it. I have it so I'm either my normal self or completely depressed. When I'm depressed I usually start arguing with people with little reason as to why. All of which go unmedicated due to my conservative parents' ignorance. I actually used to take Adderall when I was in 5th grade and it helped tremendously. I took Ritalin before but Ritalin and I don't mix very well. I felt like the Ritalin would force me to concentrate on things I wasn't supposed to (e.g. focusing hard on blowing leaves outside). Also it made me puke in the middle of the night once and was then prescribed Adderall, it just felt more natural, it didn't feel controlling and no puking but my parents pulled the plug on that out of fear of future health risks and I've been completely unmedicated since.
Anyway on to the meat of the report. The day was February 9, 2012 at 11:30am. I had just woken up and I was feeling slightly depressed because of last night but I won't go into that. My friend/dealer X called me up and told me he had Adderall, three bucks per 30mg pill. I got excited because I've been looking for something to keep me awake and alert for work and Adderall is my preference when it comes to ADHD meds. So I got twenty bucks together and hopped in my car and drove to X's house. When I got to his house we just made some small talk for a bit while smoking cigarettes in his yard as we always do. I was feeling pretty excited as I usually do when I know its gonna be a good day. Finally we went upstairs to X's room and he pulls out an Rx bottle completely filled with 30mg Adderalls and asks how many I hand him the twenty bucks and say six, he counts out the six pills and hands them to me in a little bag. X tells me that him and his girlfriend were about to leave to sell the rest of them so I had to leave. I leave and go back to my house which was empty and prepare for a fun day.
01:00 PM: I arrived back to my house and excitedly ran inside and up to my room I felt like such a fiend but I didn't really care at that point. I got up to my room and argued with myself over how much I should take. I hadn't eaten anything at all that whole day but also I weigh a bit more then the average bear. I decided to search online for dose info and to read some reports. Eventually I decided I wanted a lot and I took the first four pills, opened up the capsule part and one by one poured the beads in my mouth followed by a gulp of Pepsi. Something I do whenever possible is to take macro photos of my drugs. It's kinda weird I know but its cool to see drugs thirty times bigger and all the details of it so I took the remaining two pills and placed them on my laptop and took my pics until I was satisfied.
01:30 PM: I felt a bit of a tingling through my body I was surprised it came on so quick. I've heard it's common to wait an hour before any serious effects it blamed that on the fact I hadn't eaten anything and I ate only the beads and not the capsule.
01:45 PM: I started to feel really euphoric and at peace with everything. I decide to lay down in my bed and watch movies on my computer and surf the web and just enjoy what was happening to me
02:00 PM: At this point all I can feel is happy and euphoric. Music sounds wonderful, movies seem to be a lot better. Nothing could bring me down from how happy I was feeling. I truly felt as though I was on top of the world. It was amazing feeling like that especially since those types of feelings are few and far between so I savored the moment.
02:30 PM: I began feeling these tickling sensations underneath the skin of my cheeks and forehead. Also my mouth was dry
! Way worse than I had any time smoking weed. It concerned me so I began to check myself out by basically giving myself a basic police sobriety test. I was able to do the tests pretty well although feeling the way I did so I checked my heart rate as I always do on high doses of stimulants. It was a little fast but it was nothing to really worry myself about at the time but I would continue to check for the duration of the experience just to be sure.
03:00 PM: Laying down has become boring as I have reached the peak and am full of energy. I get up and grab my jacket, keys, phone, and smokes and head outside to take a nice long walk. When I get outside I realized it was actually a beautiful day which in itself made me smile non-stop. The feeling of the cool winter air on my face brought back the previous tickling sensation which I enjoyed more this time around. After about 15 minutes of walking I realize I have 2 more pills left. I think about it for a minute then I decide to open up the last 2 capsules and eat the remaining 60 mg bringing my total dose to the full 180 mg.
03:30 PM: Now the first wave is starting to fade away (barely) and the second wave is starting to come on. I was feeling really good, my hair felt like it was weighed down making me think I was wearing a hat. I was getting kind of tired of walking around my neighborhood so I went back to my house had a smoke in the backyard so my nosy neighbors wouldn't see, then I went back to my room to think about life in general.
05:00 PM: I was back in bed where I was thinking about my life. I was amazed at how the Adderall helped the thoughts flow freely and in greater detail. I was remembering some of the good old days with me and my friends that I had previously forgotten, stuff from way before we all got into drugs. The act of remembering those days was comforting but troubling at the same time cuz most of my friends were in college or moved to the other side of the country and I had dropped out of college due to my mental issues. I began to start feeling depressed remembering that. Then I began to think of my unofficial bi-polar disorder in more depth than I ever have before. I was thinking about the things that make it come on and how its affected me through the years when suddenly a realization smacked me upside the head
I had remembered when it was that I first started having these episodes. Back up 4 years to 2008 I was a freshman in high school and I was nervous beyond belief. I had transferred from another school district so I was the brand new freshman. I had trouble making friends at first and I was feeling kind of down but only to a normal level. About 2 weeks in I meet a junior we'll call him Y. Me and Y start to hit it off and we develop a friendship. It felt really good to finally have a friend in the school. After 6 months or so it became known that Y suffered from clinical depression but I never thought much of it partly because, I had limited knowledge on mental illnesses outside of ADHD and also because he always seemed really happy all the time I didn't think there was anything horribly wrong. In the month of May 2008 Y committed suicide by jumping in front of a train.
05:15 PM: The moment I realized that, I remembered exactly how I felt when I first heard the news. What I remember most was a feeling of abandonment because at that time Y was my only friend and now he was gone for good. I remember also feeling really guilty because I knew about his depression but never thought enough about it to talk to him and see what was going on and now the world was short one smart, funny, and talented person. I remember feeling the worst I've ever felt and that was the very first time I felt a bi-polar episode it was the exact same way then as it is now, isolation from conversation, hostility, suicidal thoughts. I had never felt those things prior to that day. I saw this as a very positive thing, because now I know the event that may have awakened my bi-polar disorder which could prove useful in treating it. I felt kinda bittersweet cuz I possibly figured out the cause of my problems but also a little like duh cuz it was a major time in my life but better to find it out later than never.
07:00 PM: The effects are wearing off but very very slowly. I still feel fairly euphoric and my focus is still improved. I've been reading long news articles online, nothing really that interesting but I was able to dissect the story and really think about it thoroughly. It was almost like stepping back to appreciate a fine piece of art. I usually can't think about things in that depth so its very welcoming whenever I'm able to do that. I'm probably most amazed at Adderall's ability to make me think about things in different colors where even something mundane could be really fun. Usually if I'm not interested in something I'll have no desire to continue with it but today reading about local town affairs is really fun.
07:30 PM: In what I assume to be the final bit of the experience, I begin to reflect on it and I decide to begin writing it out trying to describe it. Again I'm so amazed at my ability to just maintain focus on writing this with my ADHD. I'd have forgotten about this after first paragraph I'm aware I'm slightly rambling but that's really how I feel.
08:50 PM: My dad came home with dinner and still being partially under the influence eating was the last thing on my mind but I went down anyway and grabbed some food because at this point I still haven't eaten anything and I like living. Despite the experience being in its true final stage the Addy still had one more surprise for me. I was sitting at the table with my dad barely forcing down my pizza when suddenly I felt as though I needed to tell my dad what was happening. I felt as if I was being controlled by some divine force because I would never admit something like that because me and my parents aren't really close or anything. I told my dad I was on Adderall although I only told him I took 2 and he was just as shocked as I was with my sudden burst of honesty and we just kinda started talking about our experiences with other drugs it was honestly something I'd never see myself doing but I was really glad I did because I was able to talk to him about my problems and got him to agree that medication is the best option.
Present time: All I can say about today is, WOW. This definitely surpassed all my expectations in every way. I had no idea this stuff could be so insightful in high doses. I helped me think of things in a different light, and it helped me open up to my dad which I never thought would happen, and it resulted in potentially getting prescribed this stuff which would help me out so much in work, school and life in general.
Everyone out there has a drug that affects them more positively than any other. In my pretty decent history drugs after experimenting with quite a few things I believe I have found my miracle drug. Adderall has helped me learn some of the answers to questions I have been pondering for quite sometime. Its helped me get a bit closer to my family which makes me feel good because now I feel like I have people to talk to rather than avoid. Despite the great day I've had today if I was prescribed it I wouldn't do it recreationally. I respect it too much and I will not abuse such a valuable resource for work, school, and relationships. I'm not saying to go out and take 6 Addys because that could be really dangerous for some. I wrote this purely to show how it affected me in a very positive way for some it might affect them very negatively. I'm saying there's a substance out there for everyone and I hope anyone looking for it can find theirs as I have.
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