Citation: Jaggerjack. "A Comfortable Place: An Experience with 6-APB (exp94734)". Erowid.org. Jun 4, 2012. erowid.org/exp/94734
I was back on winter break after my first semester of freshman year and was looking forward to rolling with my girlfriend of seven months, S.
S was a senior in highschool and we decided to continue going out while I was in college. Being in a long distance relationship was hard but completely worth it. My parents were out of town for a week and I only had the house alone for the day as I was leaving for a ski trip at 6 the next morning. That made this day a pretty damn good day to roll with S as we had the entire house to ourselves. It also meant that I would be leaving the next day which was very tough for her.
At this point I had a lot of experience with psychedelics and a few experiences with ecstasy like substances and other stimulants. I tried 4-FA about 10 days earlier and Adderall a week before that. I last did bk-MDMA (which Iíve done 3 times) around Halloween. S had tried a few psychedelics and bk-MDMA once over the summer with me. When we did bk-MDMA S didnít really feel any of the effects except for some openness and talkativeness.
We dosed around 1.45 PM, I ate a light breakfast a few hours before and S, my girl friend of 7, had done the same. We each had about 135 mg 6-APB dissolved in OJ. I could barely taste it but S, who was searching for the bad taste found it pretty putrid.
My timeline of events is a bit messed up since Iím writing this about 3 weeks after the experience but all the major points are intact by themselves. We went upstairs and had sex and then lay down in each others arms just waiting for the effects to come on. Like usual I started to feel the effects first, a lightness in my chest and limbs with in 30 or so minutes. S wasnít feeling anything and was hoping that she would actually feel the empathic effects of 6-APB.
I knew she was feeling it when she exclaimed ďI luuuuuuuv you!Ē We talked for a while about the pleasures of being in love, our great desires to stay together for life. While many would consider this thought premature at our age (and we realize it is) it still holds true while sober. We continued talking, kissing and rubbing for a while as we both basked in the emotional warmth that our bodies, voices, and general presences provided for each other. The physical sensations were also great; I felt warm and her skin felt softer then the softest fur. At some point I turned a chillout/IDM/dub playlist on and found it very appealing. I would frequently interrupt S and tell her how much I loved the song that was playing, closing my eyes as the beats coursed through my body and I snuggled into Sís chest.
Our relationship is an incredibly open one so we werenít talking about any big secrets but the talks were still very fulfilling and generally everything about S was fantastic and pure. There were no sexual feelings even though we were both completely naked, perhaps it was because I couldnít have had sex even if I tried or perhaps it was because it just wasnít something I was interested in then.
My mom texted me that it was time to take my dogs out for a walk so we slowly got out of bed and dressed. Usually when Iím walking my dogs Iím in a hurry and donít let my dogs sniff around all too much. However I was quite fine letting my dogs take as long as they wanted because the cold air and movement brought tingles to my skin. After walking the dogs we put them back inside and walked to a playground because the air just felt so good. Walking released pent up euphoria and every step was amazing.
S sat down on swings while I watched and we talked. We had a pregnancy scare sometime earlier and she was telling me how hard it would be to abort the kid for her because it would still be ours and even if it wasnít born she would be sad for it whereas I really wouldnít be. We discussed the how an event like that would have the possibility of breaking us up and then talked about how awful a breakup would be. She told me it would be incredibly hard because she wouldnít be losing a romantic partner but a friend. Her best friend. This was the first time she told me this and I agreed with her. We were best friends. We told each other everything and cared immensely about the well being of the other.
It took some coaxing but I convinced S it would be a great idea to go inside and take a warm bath. We sat down in the warm water facing each other enjoying the increased tactile sensation the drugs provided. We continued talking while playfully splashing water and messing around. After a bit I filled up two balloons of nitrous, one for each of us, and we hit them. She leaned back into me as we hit the balloons simultaneously. It was one of the most euphoric things Iíve ever felt. I was incredibly comfortable in the warm water with her warm skin on me. I felt like I was floating through a warm, friendly, space. We repeated this once more and washed off. I rinsed her hair and could imagine doing so every day when we lived together. This was comforting as I love it when I see us together when weíre older.
Finally we finished washing and went back to my room where we did two balloons of nitrous simultaneously. I was feeling S up while we did it and her smile and my imagination of the pleasure she was feeling brought me an extreme amount of physical and mental pleasure as well. It was almost as if I was feeling some of what she was feeling because of our emotional closeness in that state. It should be again noted that the physical pleasure she got from me feeling her up was not at all sexual in nature. Any stimulation I received was the same. If we were to have sex it would have only been for the emotional benefits it construed.
Around 8 (T+~6.00) the effects were noticeably wearing off and I began feeling tired. While on bk-MDMA I found it very hard to talk and had no energy during the comedown but I was still decently talkative now. At some point during the comedown I was feeling S up and I noticed over the course of a few seconds that the previously solely physical stimulation became sexual in nature. I started to become mentally aroused but she asked me to stop because she didnít want to feel that way at that point and I did. After that I no longer felt sexually aroused, it was only in connection with S. It appeared that the 6-APB removed sexual desires during its peak and even afterwards I was only aroused when my partner was as well.
At some point I had some soup and found it very difficult to eat and devoid of taste so I only drank the broth which I managed to get down because it was warm. I found that on many stimulants and empatheogens my sense of taste is compromised. Additionally there was a persistent bad taste in my mouth that I couldnít get rid of by brushing my teeth (which I did many a time, the minty taste was quite pleasant and refreshing).
It was time to go so S and I walked the dogs one final time and got in the car so I could drive her home. She expressed that she was feeling very down about me leaving. So much so that she wasnít sure if it was worth it to have done the drug. I was completely sober, albeit tired, but I had pronounced halos around lights which made it somewhat difficult to accurately perceive depth. I would not drive again afterwards due to that effect. [Erowid Note:
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]
Of note, I didnít notice any visuals in the form of movements which I was expecting as 6-APB is structurally more similar to MDA than MDMA. We got to Sís house after a round trip back to pick up a phone and she asked me not to come in to wish her a more proper goodbye because it would upset her. I was slightly saddened by this but let her go inside and drove back home to hang out with other friends. While my hangover manifested itself more in the form of exhaustion and apathy hers was very depressing.
I stayed up until around 5.15, as I simply had no desire to sleep, and then passed out after setting numerous alarms to wake me an hour later to take a taxi to the airport. When I woke up I tried to masturbate and still couldnít get a boner. I took a few Etizolam during the plane and drive into Colorado and slept the entire day, feeling beat but not depressed that night. The next day I felt mostly fine although slightly emotional and my jaw was pretty sore (as it was the day before and right after the experience).
I sent this report to S for her to look over and she commented that my summary of her depression didnít do it any justice so she wrote this bit as an addendum:
ďAs it got later and later in the day, it started dawning on me that my time with you was very limited. Being in a long distance relationship makes every second of time together more precious, and the fact that the whole day was so perfect and emotionally fulfilling did not make the end any easier. Even though you were just leaving for a week this time, I felt this hopeless sadness, like I was doomed to feel sad and be left behind forever. The worst part was that I couldnít shake the feeling, even when you would try to cheer me up or get my mind off of it. On the ride home, you would have to warn me a couple minutes in advance if you were going to let go of my hand for any reason, and even with the advance warning, I couldnít brace myself for the horrible feeling of abandonment. I couldnít have you come into my house at all because then you would leave me alone again and I donít think I would have been able to bear it. The next morning was better, and I took a few Etizolam that you gave me, so I just didnít care about anything. That was the best thing I could have done because otherwise it would have been hard to recover from, since that had been the worst Iíd felt in a very long time.Ē
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