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The Most Beautiful Lobotomy I Ever Had
by viscosity
Citation:   viscosity. "The Most Beautiful Lobotomy I Ever Had: An Experience with Dizocilpine (ID 94476)". Feb 10, 2013.

  repeated oral Dizocilpine (liquid)



As someone with a keen interest in both dissociatives and neurochemistry, I often run across the infamous ďMK-801Ē or ďdizocilpineĒ in research articles. Usually I think nothing much of it beyond the context of its usual use in research, as who would actually use *that* stuff. But every so often some insidious desire to try the chemical creeps up on me and I wander back into the same mental traps, only to talk myself out of it a few days later. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Based on the limited human data available, I have long been aware of its reputation for producing creepy, dysphoric experiences and the potential for full force cognitive slaughter under dizocilpineís heavy NMDAR blockade. After all, the compound is often used to mimic psychotic states in animal models and this should disturb any sane individual.

Yes, I know I should just leave it at that and move on, yet underneath there seems to be an inexplicable allure . . . Oh sure, I can read up on binding affinities all day long, but that doesnít tell me the true nature of the animal. Even if it is the kind of animal I take out of its cage just to see what it feels like when it bites me (interestingly enough dizocilpine is one of the few compounds that inhibits rabies virus replication).

So I keep wandering back just to stare at it with some kind of sick fascination and think 'what if . . .'

A week later I find myself stuck in the same mental traps, staring at it again. But this time itís different than before: the vial is in front of me, clearly labeled.

(+)-MK-801 maleate

You see, when that much deliberation is involved, breaking the cycle is only a matter of time for me.

I feel . . . Excited?
Part of me feels like Iím taking this far too lightly. However, having been quite experienced with other NMDA receptor antagonists such as dextromethorphan, methoxetamine, ketamine, 4-meo-PCP, memantine, nitrous oxide, diethyl ether, and various combinations and binges involving them, I think ďhow bad can it be, really?Ē I have no real obligations for the moment and at least my scouring of 80ís literature for clinical trials gives me a place to start as far as human doses go.

I mix the white powder into enough distilled water to make a solution thatís 0.5mg per mL. Measurements are to be taken with a 1mL pipette that has marks every 0.25mL. There is no way anyone should attempt to eyeball doses of this stuff. Just donít.

Trial 1 (the test): 250 micrograms
(Start time 9:30am, times are recorded as time after this point)

0:00 250 micrograms in 0.5mL of solution is swallowed. It has an odd but not unpleasant chemical taste to it, maybe a bit like ketamine, but less bitter (a higher concentration solution was later found to be more bitter, but still had a strange, almost savory metallic aftertaste).

00:07 I feel a slight calm feeling of quietness come over my perception, like a cloud passing overhead. Could be placebo. My stomach feels a bit weird, but itís not nausea per say.

00:26 I definitely feel a mild dissociated feeling. Maybe leaning more towards a spacey and hypnotic version of first plateau DXM. Music starts to flow a bit better and I imagine one note pouring into the next in my head. Dancing might be nice, but movements donít seem to feel as fluidly enhanced as on DXM or ketamine (I later found this likely to be because of the low dose I took as I found dancing on 1-2mg to be fantastic). I feel a slight effect of mood amplification.

01:04 In my head I visualize a glowing ball floating behind me. Just out of sight, it moves to the music. It follows my movements around the room, then spirals up around me to dive into my head. This is somewhat interesting to me and I play with it a bit. I find it similar to my ability to manipulate things in my head on other dissociatives but I feel more spaced out for the effect Iím getting.

01:25 Dizocilpine has a very weird and selective effect. Do I even feel like Iíve taken anything anymore or have I just gotten used to it?

02:00 I still feel a relaxed, calm kind of spacey, but I think Iím reaching a peak and not really anything else interesting is developing. Iím still in a pleasant mood and music is nice to listen to. Low doses could be nice as a meditation aid although dizocilpine still feels heavy on the cognitive impairment side for the effects it produces.

04:22 I feel itís starting to drop a bit, although cognition still feels a bit off. Effects taper off further after that.

06:00+ The effects seem pretty much gone and cognitively I feel pretty much back to normal. Maybe a bit wonky. Everything seems somewhat sharper than usual for a few hours afterward and I seem to be in a more pleasant mood, but nothing really else to note.

Trial 2 (the binge): 3.5mg total
(Start time 3:35pm)

00:00 750 micrograms

00:08 I notice that same quiet feeling come over me that I felt before. Itís kind of eerie, but very interesting. Like the calm in the air before a thunderstorm breaks; you can feel the electricity in the air but it feels a little too quiet.

00:25 Iím starting to loose words when I think about things. A darkness sets in, like a thunderstorm building. However it doesnít feel foreboding to me at all; more tingly in an electric way and it gives me a real sense of excitement. Then again, Iíve been known to really love going outside before a good thunderstorm because thereís just something fascinating about it (of course I do stay out of open areas to avoid lightning).

00:33 I put on my jacket and smell it; it smells like memories from the times Iíve previously worn it. I go outside to get the mail and thereís a slight breeze. I get the sensation that the molecules in the air go straight through the gaps in the molecules in my own body and donít even touch me.

00:50 I get kind of lost in the shadows my body makes on the wall in the hallway. The way they are created by me blocking light from passing is somehow entrancing. Iím in a pretty good mood as well and really donít find the substance to be dysphoric so far. Oh dizocilpine, I donít think youíre really evil. Maybe just misunderstood.

01:13 I feel pleasantly dissociated but being the insane dissociative fiend I am, somehow feel I need more to experience the true nature of it.

01:15 I take another 750 micrograms (1.5mg total).

01:36 A real tingling launch into dissociation kicks in. The words I write in my notebook feel all wrong, like I canít convey concepts properly at all (From looking at it later, it turns out my perception of this at the time was far worse than any actual errors I made).

01:53 I walk by the Christmas decorations and candles on my fireplace mantle. I smell each one and they all have beautiful memories attached to them. Like memories of me taking decorations out of the old cardboard box in the basement as a child and the excitement of putting them out, knowing Christmas was coming soon. The different colors on my LED Christmas lights have a sharp, shiny and vivid look to them. Fancy.

02:10 This is a very nice feeling; calming, relaxing, content and oh so quiet inside. Kind of a disturbing quiet but somehow pleasant to me. A strange tingling runs through my brain . . .

02:15 I take another dose, 500 micrograms (2mg total). Another dose? Oh yes, please! Iím finding it very easy to get lost in the music Iím listening to; caught up in the notes in my head. Definitely an entrancing substance.

02:23 Yet another dose of 500 micrograms (2.5mg total). I find this funny at the time. (Looking back, I wonder what on Earth possessed me to continue re-dosing as I did).

03:01 The dark sense of quiet I feel around me is so warm and inviting. Very peaceful and beautiful in my eyes. I take more: 500 micrograms (3mg total).

03:05 Another 500 micrograms (3.5mg total). Maybe I am truly insane.

03:29 Mmm . . . Dizocilpine. So nicely hypnotic and lovely.

03:41 Thereís a whirring around me. I feel quite dissociated and out of it and this continues to progress as I get more and more lost in ďdizolandĒ.

04:24 Language feels seriously screwed (handwriting neatness, spelling and syntax in my notebook all take a nosedive from here on out). I see myself on the video preview for the webcam on my laptop and find the thought of me starring at myself quite strange but canít quite make proper sense of it. Itís much like the strange sensation of staring at myself in the mirror I get on other dissociatives but far more pronounced and without all the other visual gunk/strobing obscuring it although there is a pronounced vibrational energy and sharpness to my vision. I know it would be an easy concept for my sober self to grasp but I seem to be missing the ability to process it properly at all.

05:25 ďSeriousl, whd jut hahapedĒ (This is the last entry in my notebook for a while). I somehow am able to use the webcam on my computer and take many random video clips where I start recording only to forget what I wanted to say or why I even began recording in the first place. So I make some short 5 second comment about how Iím really far gone and just use undescriptive phrases like ďWhat just happened?Ē ďIím not really sureĒ ďI donít knowĒ and ďWow. Just WowĒ. My ability to communicate verbally is pretty messed up as Iím stuttering, taking with a heavy speech impediment and keep loosing words in the middle of sentences. I canít seem to convey in English what the drug feels like at all. Itís so intensely strange and surreal the words completely escape me.

In some videos I obviously have no clue what Iím doing or that I am even recording. I record myself eating something, then wander off camera only to come back at the computer to stare at it, trying to make sense of it, then wander off to mumble some incoherent gibberish off camera. At one point I cannot locate the trash can to throw a food container away for a good couple of minutes and am completely mystified as to where it had gone. It was actually only one and a half feet from its usual location but I could not remember that I had moved it there, and its new location was seemingly invisible to me despite it being directly in my field of vision. Iím not in a bad mood, but I am completely shot at this point and very confused. I even somehow manage to record a video of me watching a video of myself that I had just recorded of me watching myself on the video preview (that one was pretty funny to watch later. By the look on my face I seem to be kind of amused, yet absolutely bewildered and unable to process the sensory stimuli in front of me).

06:00+ At some point I put away my laptop and pass out in my bed, succumbing to the heavy grip of dizocilpine.

~6:00 - 09:00 (I came to only to scribble down part of the experiences I had over the past few hours. This is from what I wrote/recalled of it): I am completely unaware that I am in my room or even human. There are many different groups of conscious entities above me in the darkness, almost like different groups of animals (like fish, birds, snakes etc.). I am one of these groups as well, although I am not aware of what my groupís identity is. All of us are moving towards a point, a golden spark above (later I would recognize its location as the northeast corner of my ceiling). However, in another way it doesnít feel like weíre moving at all, just hanging there in the darkness of space. It all feels extremely peaceful, like I have no cares or inkling of concern at all.

The next thing I remember there are many more groups of entities forming in different layers around me, both above and below. The identities of the other layers remain ambiguous, but I find myself part of a group of dark cloud entities in the night sky. I am wrapped up in the other clouds around me and find myself riding through the upper atmosphere. This is extremely exhilarating, but at the same time very peaceful and freeing. I am several thousand feet above the ground yet feel no fear of falling, just a sense of amazement as I fly above the ground carried by the movement of the wind underneath me. I canít feel the cold of the air around me either as my surroundings feel quite comfortable in my current state.

There is an extremely pure and angelic quality to the experience as the type of entity I am is beautiful in its shear simplicity and feels quite spiritual in nature. Iím not a person or even an animal; Iím just a cloud high above, unconcerned with anything below. (This calm, floating, freeing feeling of peacefulness and the velvety encompassing darkness I felt around me had an extreme resemblance to an actual near death experience I had over a decade ago [although the real near death experience was not nearly as euphoric as dizocilpine]. As NMDA receptors seem to be involved in near death experiences, I do not find this surprising but very interesting none the less). Somehow, I am able to select my favorite songs on my MP3 player that I am listing to throughout this (I later remember doing this despite completely unaware of looking at it or pressing the buttons at the time). The music surrounds me, as if it has become a part of my very existence and I remain in this state of loveliness for some time, although time had long lost all rational meaning whatsoever to me (later it turns out it was my comforter that I perceived as the big, black fluffy clouds I was a part of).

09:00 - 12:04 I again return to the world in my bed, this time making a tent under the covers. It feels very comforting and nostalgic in a way being under there. Wrapped up in the lovely enclosed space; a whole world of my own (later I wonder if this feeling is somehow some deeply repressed memory of me being in the womb, a trace of a memory from before I was even born). Then while under the covers I feel as though Iím watching myself as a child and re-experiencing some of my old memories in a kind of disembodied way. It feels as though Iím some sort of third person viewer, yet I feel all the emotions and perceptions of the world around me as if I was actually there at the time the memories were recorded.

I watch myself at an early birthday pool party in my old backyard where everyone is in their swimsuits having a blast throwing McDonaldís French fries at each other (the adults are not amused). In another memory Iím walking around the pool, my pink foam thong sandals clacking against the warm, tan concrete. Iím imagining the huge suds from the cleaning foam in the pool are giant Antarctic icebergs floating through the cold waters, only to melt as they traveled further North. I also watch myself sneaking out of a lame 9th grade school dance to explore the nearby construction site and use the port-a-potty there just for the hell of it.

12:04 I ďget upĒ, although I never actually fell asleep. I still feel I really donít know what the hell just happened and still feel completely blasted. Similar to coming down after a 4th plateau DXM trip but much more intense and with a very surreal ďsqueaky cleanĒ aspect to it. Visually everything is vibrating, and despite being incredibly clear, even disturbingly so, I feel I canít fully make sense of my surroundings. I sit in a chair downstairs and lean my head into the wall, pressing my forehead against it. My mind sort of melds with the wall and I become a part of it. I mentally expand outward across the wall, move on to the other walls touching it and eventually become the entire shell of the house that I am still sitting in.

~14:30 Iíve spent the last few hours wandering around my house trying to figure out what the hell is going on. Iím starting to feel the return of sober perceptions but things are seriously whacked. Everything around me feels very focused, like the wavelengths of my perception are more in phase than theyíre ever been before. However, in another way they seem completely knocked off and the edges of everything are really jittering. Every time I blink, the afterimage of my vision is lined with visions of colorful, detailed and thinly lined geometric shapes, mathematical formulas, and decoupage like patterns that make up my surroundings. Thereís an insane amount of detail right down to the subatomic particles contained in everything around me. My brain is filled with an overly intense sharpness, like the amplitude of a certain frequency I was previously unaware of has been cranked up to a level impossible to ignore. Another time I blink and perceive someone to be there in the corner of my vision as soon as I close my eyes, but I quickly realize there isnít anyone there as soon as I open them again. Really odd.

~14:30 - 19:30 Iím recovering slowly but feel completely traumatized by the experience. Maybe this is what a lobotomy feels like. You see, dizocilpine is a very stealthy substance. It feels like a sniper that silently disables all of my NMDA receptors with tranquilizer darts and nobody in my head is fully aware of the situation until itís far too late and all sense of awareness is lost. Then the next thing I know is my NMDA receptors come to in an utterly dazed, confused state, regaining the ability for the bare minimum of contact with the outside world and everyone looks around wondering what on earth just happened. But even in this state where I come to, my spatial skills and short term memory are rendered pretty useless at performing previously basic real world tasks like entering passwords to log in to my email accounts or even spelling simple things like the word ĒthreeĒ.

The thing is, my brain understands the concept of separate letters like A and B just fine, but when asked to put them together, it just isnít able to make the connection at all. Itís like all the usual bridges are out so the signal ends up going the long way to reach itís intended destination but ends up getting lost, forgets what it was looking for in the first place and ends up sending the wrong signal back. So when typing, pís become substituted with sís, tís with eís, random letters are missing from words and all such manner of nonsense which I donít fully notice until I reread what I just wrote and wonder how the heck it just happened. My speech is garbled in a similar manner with wrong words being substituted in place of correct ones or simply not being able to find ones remotely similar to what I want to express at all. So I just make long awkward pauses in the middle of what should be fluid sentences because I canít find even simple words like the word ďwordsĒ. Itís a really strange feeling because everything else works fine in my brain, but one group of personnel in the line of signaling just keeps messing things up because theyíre still hammered. Iíve had milder versions of this effect after high doses of other dissociatives, but this is much, much worse in that it is so intense and selective of an impairment.

Thereís such a strange look to the world around me, like Iím looking at the surface of a mirror reflecting the surface of another mirror back at me. Both are made with such exquisite precision and perfection that I feel almost like Iím looking straight at nothing at all, like a loop of infinite mirrors. Thankfully I do not find this disturbing, and extremely fascinating more than anything else. I feel no real bodily effects besides being pretty hungry and thirsty and having a somewhat elevated heart rate, but mentally Iím utterly smashed (I did eat and drink during the trip, but I seemed to require an excess replenishment of sustenance due to the experience being so taxing).

19:50 I find myself overcome with intense emotion because of the sheer intensity of the experience Iíve been through. The super smooth, sharply defined elegance of the world around me is just so grippingly beautiful I canít take it anymore. I had a burning question as to what dizocilpine was actually like. That was really all I asked of it and it answered in what I consider to be the most amazing way possible. Mentally, I feel as though Iím staggering out into the bright sunlit world I love after being lost in the dark for a long, long time. Itís like Iím a newborn looking at the world for the first time ever, but at the same time it looks so familiar at the same time like an older person reminiscing the most beautiful parts of their life.

The floodgates open as I break down into tears of joy and fits of laughter on my kitchen floor for a good 10-15 minutes. I thank dizocilpine for giving me such an intensely beautiful experience and touching something so deep inside of me. This is simply incredible and no words can describe how I feel in these moments.

~22:00 I fall asleep, pretty much just passing out from pure mental exhaustion. I have several vivid and pleasant dreams about my future and potential turns it could take. Again I take on the third person view of these events and find the outcomes quite fascinating, regardless of if they actually come true or not. I choose to keep these to myself. (Later it turns out these events did become reality, and they were every bit as magical as I have previously envisioned them. Funny enough, I didnít even plan these events much at all, and I wasnít even in direct control of the details, but I somehow had a feeling that things would just fall into place. It felt as though they were perfectly coordinated yet somehow completely spontaneous moments that magically fell into place because I just knew they would be there for me; like they were just waiting for me to pull them out of my dizocilpine induced vision and into reality).

38:50 I wake up in a fantastic mood, but I also still feel the effects and feel quite mentally impaired. At least by this point basic tasks are doable and Iím somewhat aware of the things a normal human should be aware of. I email/pm a couple of people who I hadnít talked to in some time, just because it felt right to do so at the time (Iím later quite surprised those letters were as coherent and well received as they were, considering my state at the time. One of them later asked me how I knew they had been feeling so pathetic and burned out lately [when I hadnít talked to them for over a year] and I didnít quite understand how, but somehow I just ďknewĒ if that makes any sense).

43:00 I test my blood pressure and heart rate and they are both somewhat elevated still (by about 10-15 points each; neither were seriously high, but my blood pressure was in the lower end of the prehypertension range). I knew this was a potential side effect as a study I had read on MK-801 mentioned a statistically significant increase in blood pressure for oral doses 0.5mg a day and higher.

~48:00 Still not 100% mentally, but getting there. Typing is definitely more coherent again.

~55:00 I feel much better cognitively. I feel a little wonky, buzzed and mentally worn out still, but Iím sure that will fade. My speech is almost completely back to normal. I fall asleep again.

62:00 I wake up still feeling kind of tired and weird, but mentally pretty much fine. Perhaps a bit spacey. Iím normally very hyperactive but I still feel unusually calm from the after-effects.

86:00 After another nightís sleep I finally feel back to what I would consider ďnormalĒ mentally. Iím still in a great mood but also still a bit tired. My blood pressure and heart rate have returned to normal by now.

96:30 My mental abilities feel as sharp as they did before this whole adventure, but I still feel kind of worn out. Interestingly enough I feel as though my recall of past events is actually kind of enhanced, and I find myself thinking about all kinds of random old memories. They are all in much more detail than I would expect from my usual recollection of them.

112:00 Still a bit tired, but other than that I feel just fine.

136:00 I no longer feel tired (finally), but I still feel great mood-wise. Oddly enough, I find myself able to remember a few more details from the peak of the whole experience.

144:00 I still feel unusually calm, social and cheery; a trip to the grocery store is unusually fun and I enjoy talking to the people there. I usually take methylphenidate, prescribed for ADHD (I of course did not take this when taking dizocilpine), but found that for sometime after I could skip doses or take half doses without getting the uncontainable impulsivity, hyperactivity and mental resistance to doing things that I normally have. These anti-depressant like and calming effects trail off slowly and persist in some weak form for maybe about two weeks after taking the drug.

(after several additional trials: 2.5mg, 1mg and 2.5mg on separate days)

If going by textures, dizocilpine is much cleaner feeling than DXM as it lacked its rough, grungy, animalistic nature and potential for paranoia. It is also much cleaner and sharper feeling than either ketamine or methoxetamine, which have a certain blurred smoothness that I feel smoothes out some of the more interesting effects of the dissociation. Dizocilpine is metallic like a front face silver mirror thatís polished to an incredible smoothness, right down to the atomic level, and sharpened to an incredibly fine point, like a super sharp sterilized surgical knife puncturing straight into the brain to do its business without hitting anything else. However, I find that the metal itself is made with such angelic sweetness that I canít possibly view the experience as negative.

Dizocilpine seems to have a really sneaky hypnotic and entrancing nature. Sure, you notice the cognitive impairment creeping up on you, but youíre not fully conscious of the chemicalís real effect until itís far too late and you feel like your brain has been sliced into a million pieces without ever even feeling the blade. I will say that the next day cognitive effects were not nearly as bad from doses of 2.5mg and 1mg as they were from the 3.5mg dose I took (which seriously slaughtered my spatial skills for days). As I was able to function pretty well the next day after and wasnít nearly as blasted as before, I think it just has a pretty steep dosage-response curve, especially when you pass the 2-3mg point. The impairment also has a real strange ďsqueaky clean ďcleanliness to it though, like part of your brain was simply deleted and you canít quite put your finger on what exactly is missing.

Due to its long lasting nature, I find it impossible to sleep the night of the day I take it, even when I take it around noon. It seriously makes insomnia from DXM or amphetamines look like a joke. Sodium oxybate (GHBís sodium salt) plus melatonin took hours to actually let me sleep after a day I took 2.5mg of dizocilpine and was up until 5am. And even a combination of melatonin, kava tea and quetiapine (seroquel) also took hours to finally let me sleep after taking 1mg (I looked up potential interactions before mixing these, although I would be wary of combining other substances with dizocilpine due to it not having been used much in humans).

Resisting the urge to re-dose is important with this substance; it takes 2-3 hours for the real interesting effects to develop and during this period of time it is quite tempting to take more thinking you arenít feeling the effects that much. However, I urge those who consider taking this substance to be patient. I was not, of course, on the day I took a total of 3.5mg and even though I found all my re-doses very funny while heavily dissociated, I was completely unable to properly calculate the latency period before my stacked doses kicked in. I donít believe that dose was particularly dangerous for me physically or mentally as I am in good shape normally (although perhaps slightly underweight), do not find NMDA receptor antagonist neurotoxicity (Olneyís lesions) applicable to humans based on my own experiences with dissociative and articles Iíve read, and 3.5mg was actually lower than daily doses used in some clinical studies (one of which went up to 12mg a day for Lennox-Gastaut syndrome; it completely baffles me that patients were given that high of a dose) However, my sober self hadnít intended to dose anywhere near that high on that particular day.

If anyone is considering trying this substance, I would recommend clearing your schedule of any obligations for the next 2-4 days, because it can be quite unforgiving if you fail to do so. Although a low dose seemed to clear fairly quickly, the peak and recovery period were both quite extended after higher doses, and especially after cumulative doses. Sure, dizocilpine is not physically impairing at all, but itís one of those things where your body can keep going long after your mind is gone. After 3.5mg, I could get dressed, brush my teeth and microwave my breakfast just fine, but I could not even spell my own name to save my life. Fortunately, I experienced no permanent impairment and strangely felt certain aspects of my mental abilities were somewhat enhanced for a week or two after using it.

Considering the nature of the experience, I find it very odd how my memory of events seems quite lucid during the trip despite me feeling pretty much lobotomized for some time afterward. I feel it is much more memorable than high doses of DXM, methoxetamine or ketamine, which are heavily dissociating in high doses but leave me with a much fuzzier recollection of the experience. I find this particularly interesting since I could get much further ďout thereĒ on 3.5mg dizocilpine than I have ever been on any other dissociative or combination of them (even when I took them in insanely high doses, which I find ultimately leads to an experience that is frustratingly not very memorable). I found dizocilpine was similar to how far one can get from normal reality on 5-meo-DMT, although the nature of these compounds is of course qualitatively different.

If one has a preexisting psychotic disorder, bipolar disorder, or any characteristics of those, I would recommend they stay clear of dizocilpine. After I took it two days in a row (2.5mg and 1mg), I was hearing all kinds of 'radio chatter' and random voices/background noise. I also saw extremely detailed, colorful, and exquisite decoupage like visions every time I blinked and felt completely jacked up from all the dopamine running through my brain. Of course I felt fantastic mood-wise and it didnít bother me as I was well aware that it was just the effects of the drug, but itís something to be aware of. Binging on this substance would likely be a great way to cause a nice mixture of a psychotic break and long lasting cognitive difficulties, even in someone without preexisting psychotic tendencies.

Although other reports of intentional use may regard dizocilpine as dysphoric, I very much disagree based on my own experiences and the experiences of two of my friends who have tried it. Even despite feeling very traumatic, I found experiences with 3.5mg, 2.5mg and 1mg to possess a certain angelic bliss and would rate dizocilpine as my favorite drug out of everything Iíve ever taken by a long shot - even topping DXM, DMT and AMT. I found it quite strange that I actually found something I liked even better than DXM, as Iíve done 75+ different substances in my life and it had previously been considered my ďfavoriteĒ for the 11 years I had used it. The extreme cleanliness is what I love about dizocilpine; it makes me feel like Iím looking at the world for the first time, but everything is so lovely, fluffy and familiar at the same time. Of course just because I enjoyed the substance does not mean everyone will; I imagine it would feel way too weird to many people out there and I can understand why others found the substance disturbing (in submitted reports). To me, the funniest thing is that I feel no pressing need to take dizocilpine with any frequency. Once every month or two seems about right for me, and for what a hardcore dissociative user I am considered to be by those around me, I am quite surprised that I feel no real pressing need to take it more frequently.

I will say the substance is not really recreational in the usual sense of the word and is not very user friendly. Dizocilpine has been around for many years, yet remains unscheduled and is territory where few dare to tread. Understand that there is a very good reason for this and it is not simply a substitute for other dissociatives. Donít even try to take it as such as it really is something else all on its own.

Exp Year: 2011ExpID: 94476
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 26 
Published: Feb 10, 2013Views: 15,250
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