Citation: Aetherius Rimor. "Living Countless Lives: An Experience with Methoxetamine (exp94410)". Erowid.org. Jan 27, 2012. erowid.org/exp/94410
Started off the wait cleaning up my computer desk, got some water in my glass ready, and made all the preparations necessary during the first 30 minutes of the come up, then started playing Skryim. At around T+0:45 I was just getting to Ivarstead for the Quest to go to High Hrothgar in Skryim which was already becoming progressively harder to play. Kept forgetting what I was doing, and looking around the environment. My room was pitch black except for the light from the monitor, and I'm wearing 7.1 surround sound wireless headphones. I was fully immersed in the game and the dissociative was definitely contributing to the experience of immersion (need to look into this further, could be fun for games, never tried this before).
I finally figured out what I was doing in the city, and was playing a game around T+1:15. At that point I made it to the bridge and started to climb the mountain. I always hate this part of the game because of how long it takes, and how boring the trip is. This time was different though.
For the 45 minutes I began my trip up the mountain. Throughout I would continually forget who I was or what I was doing. However I would quickly remember my goal was to get up the mountain to discover my purpose (well, my character's purpose in the game). The first time the wolf attacks, I was somewhat startled, and feared for my life. During the fight, I was humorously looking at the HUD and toyed with a 'What if the red bar was actually my life bar, that'd be pretty cool'... then I shortly realized it was my life bar, and was glad it didn't deplete before I killed the wolf.
I continued to climb up the mountain, however hallucinations of the game were starting to take effect. Every so many feet I walked in the game, looked like a completely new area unrelated to the previous place I was just in (despite the fact I was still on the mountain). It felt like I was running in circles or going the wrong direction many times, and I almost turned around and went the wrong way before I convinced myself I was going the right way.
I finally reached the place where the troll attacks. This was the first intense moment I had during the 'trip'. I was not expecting it even though I previously knew it happened here. The fight was brutal, and I was not as quick to defeat it as normal. I actually had to use my health potions and almost died twice. Successfully killed it though, and didn't 'quit playing' despite my desires to. The result was an immense feeling of accomplishment, one which I've never gotten before playing a game.
After that I continued up the mountain, had a realization that I forgot to get a quest that I could have finished once I got to the top, but checked the Chest and my Inventory to see if I did anyways.
Went inside the building and spoke to the Greybeards. This was an amazing experience*. The feelings of self-discovery felt completely real as they told me my purpose, and trained me in the ways of the 'Voice'. I still knew it was just a game, but the immersion was nearly complete including an emotional level.
I went outside to their courtyard and did the final test, and got the quest, and decided I would be too bored trying to walk through random wilderness for an hour, so saved and exited the game.
At this point I realized I had to go to the bathroom. The bathroom door is right outside my bedroom door, it is a 10 foot walk from my computer chair to the toilet. This adventure took me a good 10 minutes. I stood up from my computer chair using the table for support, carefully inched to towards the wall, put my hands on the wall for support, and inched towards the door (1.5 feet away). Opening the door I made all movements extremely calculated an planned. Balance was gone, disorientation was extreme, and the only thing allowing me movement with any stability was physically touching/guiding along objects (walls, floor, etc).
Made my way to bathroom, inched alongside the counter for support, sat down on the toilet (good to be a guy, but no shame in sitting in this situation), took care of my business and made my way back to my room the same way.
Sat on my computer for another 15 minutes probably, that felt like hours. This is the first time I've ever experienced a true 'out of body' experience. My mind would start shifting to random locations I have memories of. In every place, I'd still be sitting at my computer and at my desk, but the room around me would change. Sometimes I was in the living room, sometimes outside.
My rational mind quickly recognized though that while my focused vision was working, my peripheral vision was being filled in with memories from my mind. When I felt like I was in the living room, my 'Mind's Eye' of my surroundings would be of the living room and peripheral vision would appear to be the living room. If I looked left or right away from my computer however, I would see my room. This was absolutely amazing to me. I've heard of OOBEs before, but have never experienced it or imagined how it could be possible.
Despite finally having one though, my brain is still quite capable of detecting it as not-real. For this reason, I would consistently look at my computer screen despite perceptions of being somewhere else, so I could fantasize about the perception being real.
This is when how far 'gone' I was became more obvious. I sat there looking at my screen for a few moments and decided to listen to some music, and defaulted to Shpongle for it's generally relaxing/meditative qualities it has on me (it was a favorite for deep Shroom/Ketamine trips).
Turned on the music, and the feelings it evoked were the same, but it sounded completely foreign. It however brought me to a supreme sense of peace. I proceeded to take the next 5 minutes to cautiously make my way to my bed and lay down.
Once I was in bed, the OOBE became much stronger, and the CEVs much more intense, especially with the music. I was getting full blown colors/3D objects of fluid like consistency. I remember this one point this object made of light/colors would morph back and forth between a square like shape and a sphere like shape, while falling in and out of a lake of light/colors. This specific perception made me equate MXE to being what the 'Shroom' visuals would be like if matched with a dissociative. I always compared DMT visuals to be more Shroom like than LSD like, but MXEs visuals are even closer to Shroom like visuals than DMT is for me.
I went into a perception loop along the following lines:
1: Close eyes and see visuals described above.
2: Have an extremely intense OOBE described below.
3: Open my eyes to see my room for about 2 seconds. My window was opened about 3 inches to let in the cool breeze, and this affected my perception of the room intensely. My room felt like it was wide open, and it's shape/structure would morph constantly into shapes I can't even describe. The window's opening would stretch and change shapes as well throughout this 2nd gigantic room morph.
The out of body experiences though... were the most amazing thing I've had to date in a 'psychedelic experience'. Each mini-trip would take me to somewhere completely different, where it felt as if I'd live out an entire life. I'd come into existence, be given a purpose, fulfill my purpose, and then open my eyes to my room, only for the entire process to start over again.
This happened continually over the course of the next 90 minutes. Each time I opened my eyes, I felt as if I'd lived an entire life, was fulfilled, happy, and completely rested, as if I had a full 8 hours of sleep... then I realized I was on a drug, that it was not over yet, and I became ecstatic. I felt blessed with this seemingly unending cycle of living/dying complete fulfilled lives, and every time I awoke I knew it was about to happen again and that nothing was wrong.
The last one, my eyes awoke and I had a surge of adrenaline. I looked around and knew what has been happening, and looked at the clock. Despite living out countless lives, I'd only been laying down for 90 minutes.
At this point my collection of Shpongle -just- started repeating songs for the first time (lovely playlist for this experience), and I knew the peak of my trip was over. It was 1:45am, and time to sleep.
I closed my eyes once more, and started one more new life that faded into a dream, and woke up this morning feeling completely normal, with only a slight mental fatigue (Acid day after mental fatigue is worse in my opinion).
Generalized Description of Effects: It has the same 'weird reality' feeling that LSD gives me, the feeling that everything is just strangely demented. The visuals are extremely shroom-like but far less blurry. The dissociative quality gives me everything I look for in Ketamine, but it just doesn't feel as 'clean' due to the 'weird reality' feeling.
My personal opinion, is if it weren't for the 'weird reality' feeling, I'd much prefer this over Ketamine. As it stands though, Ketamine feels far more 'pure' because it lacks that perception. However, it does things that Ketamine can not, lasts long enough to be fully enjoyed, and is far more vibrant.
This however does give me a great interest in the arylcyclohexylamine class of drugs since I'm starting to think what experience I truly am looking for is somewhere in it. Ketamine + Mushroom type experience the experience I'm looking for. Combining them however, Ketamine overwhelms the mushrooms, but the mushroom trip does provide a great 'come down' from the Ketamine. Methoxetamine appears to combine the effects. If an analog of MXE can be created, that has all the same effects, without giving the 'Weird Reality' perception, I'll have found my favorite spirituality drug. Until now, the only drugs I've tried that give me spiritual experience are DMT, Ketamine and Mushrooms; this one is now in that list.
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