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Not the MDMA I'd Hoped for
Bad/Suspect Ecstasy
by monipooples
Citation:   monipooples. "Not the MDMA I'd Hoped for: An Experience with Bad/Suspect Ecstasy (exp94326)". Erowid.org. Apr 27, 2020. erowid.org/exp/94326

 
DOSE:
1 capsl oral Bad/Suspect Ecstasy

BODY WEIGHT: 122 lb


This all started out when my good friend and I decided we would try MDMA together for the first time. Unfortunately though we lived in different states, and so the first time we were together after making this pact, we never found any and nothing ever happened. A few months later we were together again, and decided we would do it. We picked a night and started to mentally prepare. Since we were in the city my friend lived in, he was the one in charge of getting the drugs. He knew a girl, but after a lot of texting it was already 10pm before we got anything, and since he had to go to class the next day, he backed out. I, however, was on vacation, and after a lot of discussion we decided that I would take some on my own and he would keep me company.

I took what I believed was a capsule of molly, however I now know it was obviously not molly
I took what I believed was a capsule of molly, however I now know it was obviously not molly
, as it really looked nothing like how it was supposed to--the capsule was almost full with white powder which caked to the sides when it was moved around. But as I had never done drugs before and I was quite gung ho, down it went. My friend and I stayed in his room while we waited. It was winter, so his house was pretty cold, but we had a heater going. I had also not eaten anything since about 4 in the afternoon, but I wasnít hungry at all. I was surfing the internet to pass time waiting for something to kick in, and after about 30 minutes I found I could no longer read any of the words without intense concentration, so I turned my computer off and talked with my friend. My stomach felt a bit bubbly and I started to get a bit anxious. I was also pretty cold, but I figured it was just from being outside recently, so I went and sat next to the heater. My friend was kind of surprised I was cold, since he said the room was warm, but he came and sat with me anyway as we continued to wait for the supposed euphoria of MDMA. My stomach had stopped feeling bubbly but it felt like my heart was pounding really hard.

After some time my friend complained of being too hot, so we went and sat on his bed away from the heater. When I stood up I was immensely dizzy and my muscles all felt really weak. I had a hard time walking to his bed, but when we sat down I was a lot less dizzy. However, being away from the heater was causing me to be so cold I was shaking, and I started to feel a bit nauseous and thirsty. My friend went and got me some water, but the water was quite cold and it just made me shake more, so he got some more that was a lukewarm temperature, which was a lot easier to drink.

He lit a candle and turned off the lights for ambience, but the flickering light was starting to scare me so we ditched the candle idea and just turned on a lamp. We also decided on some music, and after I skipped through my whole iPod I finally settled on some Crystal Castles. He also tried giving me a back massage to help me calm down a bit, but I just felt really uncomfortable and made him stop. I was still really cold, so I put on more layers of clothes and got under the covers, but I was still shaking. My stomach was still turning incessantly, and I was beginning to think whatever it was I had taken, it wasnít MDMA. Thinking about taking some mystery drug was freaking me out a bit, and caused my heart to pound, which wasnít a feeling I was enjoying, so I tried to push it out of my head.

My friend was being really supportive, even though I kept talking about random things to keep my brain occupied, and kept asking him to refill my water glass as I was still having major difficulties standing. I ended up laying down holding my stomach to try and calm it, and he spooned behind me and held my stomach too, but nothing would stop the nausea. I also tried sitting in lots of different positions, similar to how I do when I get cramps. After a while I started to see flashes of light out my peripheral, they were mostly white and happened whether my eyes were opened or closed. Sometimes they would happen in the front of my vision, too, but they were mostly to the sides.

Time sort of flew by for me, it felt like it hadnít been very long but I knew the CD had repeated several times already. At around 2am I needed to use the bathroom, so I got off the bed and almost collapsed. My muscles were so weak and I was shaking so much, I was also getting vertigo. I held on to things all the way to the bathroom, and as soon as I left my friends room I realized the rest of the house was freezing. I couldnít help but check the mirror when I got to the bathroom, and I looked pretty normal, if not a bit blurry. My pupils were a bit on the small side
My pupils were a bit on the small side
, but the bathroom was a bit brighter than my friends room had been. However I checked again when I left the bathroom and my pupils were a bit larger, but not insanely large, as I had been expecting.

At around 3:30am my friend was exhausted and had to go to bed. By this time I was no longer as shaky when I stood, and my muscles felt less weak. I was also starting to warm up a bit, which was such a relief. I was, however, wide-awake and still feeling sick. The idea of sleep seemed impossible, but I bid my friend good night and decided I should try and sleep too, perhaps if I was unconscious I wouldnít be nauseous. As I was laying in the dark I was still seeing light flashes, which was okay because I had started to find them comforting. After lying there for a while however my eyes started to adjust to the dim light, and I could make out shadows in the room. Then the shadows sort of started to move around, which was not comforting. I kept reminding myself it was only the drugs, and nothing could hurt me. At one point something demony flew towards my face and I swatted it away in panic. I tried to keep my eyes closed but I was so alert it was difficult.

After my initial bathroom use, I went about six more times before I finally gave up trying to sleep at 8am. Iím pretty sure I hadnít slept at all, and I still felt wide-awake. I also still felt completely nauseous.
I also still felt completely nauseous.
It was around this time I remembered that sometimes if I donít eat enough before going to bed, when I wake up I feel sick until I eat something. Normally when this happens I have to eat something simple, so I decided to try and eat a banana. The nausea was so strong it was almost impossible, but after about 30 minutes I managed to eat the whole thing. I still felt awful, so around 10am I made some toast. I could hardly manage to eat that, either. I was still drinking large amounts of water, but other than that the intense nausea was the only other symptom that remained. I decided to try some antacids to see if that would help. It did a little, but mostly it just made me feel mentally better. I ate a couple more throughout the day, but still felt sick for most of it.

And then for the following weeks I searched the internet to try and work out what I had actually taken! Iím still not 100% sure, but after looking at a lot of different sites and getting the opinions of a few people, I believe it was TFMPP. Potentially with some other stuff mixed in, who knows. But one thing I am 100% sure of was that I didnít take any MDMA that night.

Exp Year: 2011ExpID: 94326
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 20 
Published: Apr 27, 2020Views: 304
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Bad/Suspect Ecstasy (567) : What Was in That? (26), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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