Mushrooms - P. cyanescens
Citation: Franks. "Realizing Infinity: An Experience with Mushrooms - P. cyanescens (exp94000)". Erowid.org. Jan 16, 2014. erowid.org/exp/94000
The second time I ever did mushrooms when I was 16 I had a terrifying experience. I wasn't very familiar with mushies yet (my first trip was a low dose of cubes) so I didn't really know the respect that a high dose of psychedelics demands. Hell I figured it would just be like being high on cannabis with more visuals. Anyways, somehow I managed to come up on around 4 grams of Cyans and a few grams of some dank.
I skipped school that day and ate them at home, in the morning, by myself. Within twenty minutes the visuals/mindfuck was already becoming overwhelming. At about 45 minutes in I puked up a small portion of the shrooms. I remember sitting there being mesmerized by the insane swirling fractal patterns of my own vomit that seemed to stretch out into infinity. Minutes seemed like hours. Around that time I called a friend over because I was becoming worried. I believe the conversation went like 'ate shrooms,... too much,... need help..'
Said friend had no experience with psychedelics and looking back it was a mistake calling him over, shoulda just rode it out alone. He thought weed would bring me down so he basically kept forcing me to take bong rips which had the opposite effect of relaxing me. He thought it would be funny to put on a 'Bum Fights' DVD and I just remember feeling so horrible for those people who were willing to degrade themselves for money (ripping their own teeth out with pliers, fighting, etc..) Terrible thing to watch while tripping balls.
I eventually had forgotten I had even eaten the mushrooms and thought that I just woke up that morning completely insane. Around this time 'ego death' set in and 'I' had no idea who or what 'I' was. All concepts of myself and the world I lived in were wiped clean. Time no longer seemed linear and was more cyclic in its nature, reminiscent of a single point (the eternal present). 'I' was the void and that was all there is, infinite voidness. This is only from what I can remember.
This whole time my 'friend' was basically laughing at me and looking at me like I was crazy. He said the whole time I was experiencing my ego death I was 'curled up on my bed mumbling incoherent nonsense' (word salad). Needless to say Im not friends with him anymore. After around 4 hours (which felt like an eternity) I began coming down. That feeling of realizing that I was coming down can only (for me) be compared to what its like to be released from jail. Relief and ecstactic joy. The rest of the trip was unremarkable. 7-8 hours in I was baseline, but still very shooken up.
It took along time for me to get over that trip. For awhile after words just thinking about taking mushies would send me into a full blown anxiety attack, trembling, cold sweats, heart palpitations etc.. Eventually I was able to intergrate that experience and after years of introspection and reflection I can say that that trip definitely changed for the better.
I have taken many trips since then but nowadays I mostly just smoke the herb (medical patient) and trip a few times a year.
Some positive changes I've noticed from that trip (and psychedelics in general) is I find my self much more open and compassionate. I no longer care about the competetive games many of us play in our social lives, careers, and society in general. I have a much deeper appreciation for nature. Before that trip I was a unhealthy, repressed, depressed, insecure, confused Christian who had not yet to learn how to truly enjoy life.
Not saying I don't have hard times now (I most definately still do) but everything seems less serious. I prefer stillness and silence now and practice mindfulness. I have taken a serious interest in my health and no longer eat fast food/processed garbage and prefer fresh, whole and preferably organic foods. I also excercise regularly and practice hatha yoga and qi gong. I feel so much more vibrant and alive. Quite the change from an overweigth 16 year old with suicidal tendencies.
I will always regard the mushroom for what it is, a sacred teacher plant that deserves respect. I am forever thankful for that experience.
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