Support honest drug info & help us reach a new high for the
number of $5+ donations in a month. Our goal is 1,268.

Donate by Bitcoin
The Infinite Love
Huasca Brew (Syrian Rue & M. tenuiflora)
by Dillfizz
Citation:   Dillfizz. "The Infinite Love: An Experience with Huasca Brew (Syrian Rue & M. tenuiflora) (exp92817)". Erowid.org. Apr 3, 2013. erowid.org/exp/92817

 
DOSE:
  oral Ayahuasca (liquid)

BODY WEIGHT: 180 lb


The decision was made when I received a phone call from a close friend. He wanted to get together as it had been a while since we had talked. We had spoken over facebook a few times and I had told him about ayahuasca and what it had done for me. He was interested, and he said he would get a hold of me about it. Well he called sometime the next day, and since he was going to be in the neighborhood anyway, decided he would stop by. Before we got off the phone, we agreed we would be drinking aya, and I began to brew. He called me back sometime, perhaps an hour after we talked the first time. He said someone had hit his car and he had to deal with it, but still planned to stop by. So the brewing continued, as I had already made the decision to drink with or without him.

The brew was ready sometime around eight o clock. I put it in the fridge to cool and settle. My father and I discussed what was going to be happening and although he was apprehensive, he did not try to talk me out of it. Eight thirty the brew is in me, I decide to go for a walk as it will be easier to vomit if necessary. I walked slow to still the nausea. I made it about two blocks from my house when the nausea became too much to bare. I sought refuge up against a power conduit box. I laid my head on the top of the steel box until the urge to purge subsided enough for me to sit down. Out of nowhere the trip began, a translucent violet being sat before me on the sidewalk, grinning, I could barely make them out but they was there, of that I am quite certain. I heard a voice say 'arise', at least I think I did. Whatever the case, I listened. Fear fell off of me like a thousand pound weight belt. I was 'there', but I was still in my body, and walking was still relatively easy, so I decided I would walk to my favorite meditation spot to zone out and listen to some Sphongle. The journey was long but I can not say that I did not enjoy every second of it. Everything was coming alive before my very eyes. Colors were vivid and crystal clear, but so far, there were not many visions to speak of, just a feeling of joy as if I was looking at the world for the first time.

I reached my destination just as my vision began to become much more altered. I sat down next to my tree and put on the headphones. I closed my eyes and instantly I was immersed in the most intense visuals of my life. I removed the headphones as I was interested in the sound that had been building in my head, and I thought would explore it more fully. The sound was like the most beautiful music I have ever heard, although it had no melody, just rapidly changing pitches and tones, accompanied in harmony with the sounds of crickets and other nocturnal noise makers. Then she appeared, and she did not have to say anything, I knew she was love itself. She told me she loved me, had always loved me, and will always love me, and that I would never have to be afraid of anything again. She would always be with me, and who I am is eternal. 'Do you remember? she said?' 'Yes' I replied,' I remember', she smiled and was gone as fast as she came.

I felt the strong urge to return home and share what I was experiencing as it was happening. I gave it my best but words were just not cutting it. I had gone deep, and wanted to go deeper. I decided I was going to drink the second dose and repeat the process of returning to nature. I said my goodbyes to my lovely new family, and ventured out again, with a fresh dose of aya, and still very much under the effects of the first one. I did not make it as far this time, before the urge to sit brought me to a parking lot with a wall and parking spot rails to sit on. I drifted off again on to the other side, only this time there were no entities to greet me, just symbols, circling around me in three dimension.

There were no more thoughts, just awe, and gratitude. Love was all I could feel.

I sat for a few more minutes, perhaps an hour, its hard to tell as time completely lost all meaning in this space. Sometime later anyway, I returned to my body. I knew where I was but I could see nothing but hallucinatory, 3 dimensional patterns. I arose somewhat off balance and finding it hard to stand straight. Realizing I should probably get back home for now, I began to walk the best I could. After a few minutes I adjusted to the loss of equilibrium, and started to rely on my intuition rather than vision to steer me. I can not explain the bliss I experienced on that walk home, the sounds of nature were singing to me, and I was dancing to the beat. The walk only took about 10 minutes and as I made it into the house, my dad was there to greet me. We talked deeply about what I was experiencing, and although I believe he tried to understand, he was clearly not feeling any of what I was saying resonate with his being. So I stopped trying to explain, and just listened to him for a while. Now mind you I am still tripping absolute ballsack at this point, and I believe the full strength of the second dose hit me like a ton of bricks. I decided now was a good time to lie down and listen to music, but as soon as I got there, I received a phone call from someone I was very closely intimate with for a long time, but to whom I had not seen in months as she had moved to California. Once I again I began the process of attempting to explain, only this time with more success. This girl gets me, and we have been through hell and back together. We talked about her experience on dmt a few moths back and I was almost brought to tears. We talked for perhaps an hour about what I was feeling, and then we said our goodbyes. She then sent me this text.

'There's a private spiritual world within all of us... A magnetism that connects us all. But what you feel and know is a personal secret...ineffable. You can only share droplets of your truth with others by interacting ... By living. But to share one must be strong and that means that u must first take care of you. I love you. Many love you. What matters most is that you love u'

I could barely make out the words on the screen of my phone, but after about 10 mins, I finally read it all the way through and got what she was saying. I was touched, and grateful for her words. I sat in them for a while, digested their meaning.

If this note seems overly detailed, I apologize, but I feel the only way I can tell it is to give you the whole thing, as best I can. I am not telling this story for you to know how my trip went, I tell you so that you will recognize the truth in it and feel it within yourself. No detail, no matter how small can be left out, because the message only makes sense if you hear all of it. If you find what i say to be incomprehensible, then you most likely do not yet feel that which I try to speak of within you. If you are bored? The best is coming I promise.

Now when I drink ayahuasca, it has to come out of me, one way, the other, or possibly both. I can not tell you how many times I went to the bathroom in the span of something like 8 hours, but let's just say this, I had no idea just how full of shit I was. Now all of these trips involved walking, naturally, and my cognitive thinking, and motor skills were still not working for shit, and may times I had to have help from my father with everything from walking, to taking off my shirt. I must have drove him nuts, I'm sure he believed that I was in some sort of predicament, but that couldn't have been further from the truth. I was in heaven.

Sleep was unattainable, I had completely ruled out even trying. Hours passed by, but the experience continued. Joy was all I could feel, and I wanted to go out and share, but unfortunately, other than Facebook, there is no one to talk to at 4 in the morning. So I waited until dawn, mostly outside on the porch, smoking cigarettes, and listening to headphones. I became in love with the sound of crickets, and I began walking towards the sound to find them, but as soon as I would get close they would stop chirping. Everything was alive, so ridiculously alive I almost couldn't bare the love I felt for creation.

Night slowly became day, and my entheogenic visions slowly became simply a feeling of deep peace, understanding, and reverence for the miracle that is life. I was startled by the sound of the loudest engine I believe I have ever heard, and the only thing I could help but do was investigate. My neighbor across the street, whom I have never met was standing over a maroon colored late 70's ish Chevy Nova. This car was a beast. I'm not the most car savvy person in the world but i know a few things so I decided to go and start up a conversation with him. No spiritual talk, no meaning of life speech, just a regular conversation about his car. I asked him if would take me for a ride in it around the block and he delightfully obliged.

I have never felt so much raw power in a car. I asked him the horsepower and he told me 'oh about 550' Five hundred and effing fifty? I was once again in awe, this time by what mother nature had managed to do with the power of the human brain. After the ride was over, we talked some more about his life and he spoke to me as if he were speaking to someone he had known for sometime. He seemed to be an honest hard working man, but I could tell there was something missing in his life, and although he did not know what it was, it disturbed him greatly. I felt his pain, and I wanted to take it from him, and give him my joy, but I sensed my powerlessness to do so. We shook hands and said our goodbyes before he went off to work. I sensed he enjoyed or conversation, and my assumption was confirmed when he told me to stop by anytime.

I returned inside to get on the computer and try to share some more on facebook while the experience was still fresh in my mind, however, I knew that I could not possibly forget or lose any of this experience. It was burned into my being.

I am still left with a peace so deep that it defies all understanding, and I will be doing my best, as I always do, to share this peace with you all, and anyone else that life puts in my path. I hope you at least enjoyed reading this, even if it did not touch that most sacred of places in your heart.

Exp Year: 2011ExpID: 92817
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 25 
Published: Apr 3, 2013Views: 11,205
[ View as PDF (for printing) ] [ View as LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Switch Colors ]
Ayahuasca (8) : Various (28), Entities / Beings (37), Music Discussion (22), Nature / Outdoors (23), Mystical Experiences (9), Glowing Experiences (4), Preparation / Recipes (30), General (1)

COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid and you agree not to download or analyze the report data without contacting Erowid Center and receiving permission first.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.


Experience Vaults Index Full List of Substances Search Submit Report User Settings About Main Psychoactive Vaults