Citation: Racoon. "For Once I Did Not Control My Mind: An Experience with Salvia divinorum (25x extract) (exp92637)". Erowid.org. Dec 3, 2020. erowid.org/exp/92637
About six or eight months back, a friend and me were at the university working when he introduced me to the world of Hallucinogens. At first the thought of having drugs itself was scary, but later after my first trip with Ecstasy/white moons, I felt this isn’t too bad, I am sure I can handle this. But at the same time psychedelics was a whole new story. Lucky my friend gave me a lot of information in the form of podcasts/docos from which I gained valuable information. I was fascinated and curious to know what happens when you go on a trip with psychedelics. In one of these docos/podcasts by Allan Watts he talked about our brain being an operating system and having one of these drugs would help overcome and re-write this system. This made me even more curious!!!
I always wanted to do my first trip with someone whom I knew and be confortable with…but here I was all by myself on a Sunday evening sitting at home thinking…Bloody hell I have a packet of 25x Salvia…I convinced myself that I am all good and in the right frame of mind to take it.
So went online to read about salvia before I took it. Wanted to know a bit more about it before I took it. Now that I was ready I prepared my bong, at the same time, I was reflecting on what I should be thinking about. But soon enough I realized there is no point thinking about it, as I wasn’t sure how good or bad the trip was going to be. I just thought that I wanted to think free…so here was my chance. As this was my first experience with psychedelics I got my pen and paper down to write about whatever I can remember but little did I know at that point it was going to be utterly useless ☺. I also got my ipad and put it on recording mode so that I can at least listen to what I was doing. At least I noted the time it was about 5 PM. It was cloudy and felt as if it may pour down any second. But that didn’t matter either. I read online just to be sure. Most of the experiences suggested to be seated comfortably and inhale the smoke and keep it in for 30 seconds and then exhale. But once it hit, everyone had a different experience. Finally I sat down on my comfy chair outside on the deck and lit my bong and took a drag…my mind was racing and involuntarily I was counting one, two, three, four….after what it felt 30 seconds, I exhaled and had another puff. After the second puff, my mind told me to put the bong back on the table but I just couldn’t put it back or at least I thought I couldn’t. My last vague memory that I can recollect of this experience is passing out on the chair and I was gone into oblivion.
I felt I was in a different world at the start. Everything looked too futuristic with tall structures and resembled a lot like DNA. But the interesting part was I touched one of the buildings which crumbled as soon I my fingers touched it. It was as if they shrunk if anyone touched them reminded me a lot of mimosa plant. But somehow miraculously like crystal growth there were bricks (or to me looked like bricks) flew around rebuilding the structure. At this point someone in the background shouted and I looked back to see myself standing there intensely starring at this figure. He was talking really fast but I had no idea what he was trying to tell me. I don’t even remember listening to this language before. I think he was leading me away from the buildings.
At first I had a slight hesitation to follow him, but I gave up and in the end followed him to the end of the road. Good 100 people here greeted me but they all looked funny. Most of them with 3 eyes and seemed they were having merry. There was a long bridge that I could see beyond these people. Something told me I should walk back. Then one of them touched me, her hands were warm and made me feel comfortable. It was as if they could sense what I was thinking. They guided me towards this bridge that was golden in color. Once I was near, the girl said goodbye and vanished. I just stumbled on the floor. For a moment I thought I was going crazy but then I saw the same girl on the other side of the bridge and she appeared to be in some trouble. So I ran over to the other side. At first glace the bridge was small probably looked very much like the flinders street bridge. As I ran, I felt I could not reach the end of this long bridge. I was shouting, screaming but to no good. I wasn’t sure if she understood me. Later I thought I wanted to go to the other side and the bridge shortened and I reached there within seconds. This side there was bright light, I thought it was the sun but it wasn’t hot at all. In fact it was on the ground near me…engulfing everyone there. I now realized she was scared of that. This light came close to me and started talking to me. For some strange reason I was talking back. I don’t remember what we talked, but all I remember is that I started running back towards the bridge but the only problem was that it wasn’t there; instead I was standing on a beach of some sort. I decided to swim across….so I got undressed and jumped in to the water. But somehow I was not getting wet. Finally I gave up and waited for the light to creep up on me and take me away. But it never came. I could see the sun set on the other side.
At this point I woke up for a second and to my relief I was still on my chair…but I was still feeling dizzy. I saw the bong lying on the ground. I was trying to reach it… but it just started to fly away. Now I started to feel a bit afraid. I caught hold of the bong somehow and wrestled with it…but I saw the light again. At this point I was not sure if I was awake or no…the light never came near me instead it was just hovering around and vanished in to nothingness. It was very dark and I could not see a thing. Slowly I opened my eyes only to realize I was sitting on my deck. But I still couldn’t move myself towards the table. I could see everything as the way it was before. Just that my bong was on the ground broken ☹ Once I had a bit of consciousness, I slowly turned my hand to look at my watch it said, 5:18 PM. It really surprised me as I thought I was gone for a long time. I still didn’t feel like getting up...But slowly I got up…I felt really tired and drowsy. I poured myself a nice apple juice and sat on the couch and had it. I felt a lot better. I just sat there for a bit and got up thinking it might be about 5:45 PM but once I looked at my watch it said 8:30 PM. I must have dozed off.
Finally I got all my stuff from the outside, was excited to hear what I was speaking on the ipad but there was nothing. The paper just had my start time. I was a bit disappointed but I could remember everything that happened, which to me was funny…considering that this drug actually knocked me out cold. I went to my room and looked at my eyes. Just wanted to check if my pupils were dilated. But there was nothing. Although for a second I thought I saw myself being very old ☺ I immediately got my paper and pen and jotted my thoughts quickly. It was already 11 PM I just could not judge time now.
I felt tired but I am not sure if it was the drug or just my normal schedule. I just lay in bed listening to Mark Knoffler and slowly drifted off to sleep.
There was nothing spiritual in this but for once I did not control my mind as to what I wanted to think about. It was an out of the world experience that I would probably remember forever.
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