Citation: Zeke Ralston. "Standing in the Light: An Experience with 2C-B (exp92173)". Erowid.org. Aug 12, 2011. erowid.org/exp/92173
[This report originally appeared as typewritten pages pasted into Book 3, pages 445-6 of the Shulgin Lab Books.]
||(powder / crystals)
REPORT OF EXPERIMENT WITH 2-CB
Date: March 11, 1981
Place: Ralston's Home, Barstow
Subects: Zeke and Holly Ralston
Dosage: 16 m.g for Holly, 20 m.g. for Zeke
1:25 p.m. Start. After ingestion, we both worked outdoors for awhile, awaiting results. The effects came on quite slowly. Shortly after 2, I feel a slight expansion, Holly a slight tingliness. It was a full hour before we began to feel significant effects. Holly observes visual enhancement, a bush beginning to grow. I feel more and more energy, some visual enhancement, a very slight nausea, some of my usual load dragging. Holly was feeling very energetic after one hour, so we went for a walk. It was delightful outside. A huge storm had gathered over the mountains, and we were surrounded by dramatic clouds, threatening rain. It was very invigorating outside, Holly feeling the cold but me not, a reversal of our normal state. Holly was responding beautifully, with much visual and color enhancement. I experience enhancement of beauty, but am aware of a deep block. In fact, I am very surprised to feel the heaviness of the load I am carrying, as it seemed much worse than I thought it was. however, in line with recent learning experiences, and following Kay's advice of dropping the need to understand, I accepted and simply experienced the feelings without resisting them or churning into them. It felt much better this way.
3:23 We have returned from our walk, light the stove. The effects have grown steadily and are now at maximum. While able to function perfectly, it feels best to sit. I sit on the sofa, look out at clouds. The sky is most beautiful, and I am very taken by it, drawn into the experience. The clouds get brighter and brighter, until a hole begins to form around the sun, so that the sun shines through brighter. I ask to be shown the clear light of truth, and the clouds dissipate until the sun is shining almost perfectly clear except for a light haze. I have no trouble looking directly at it, feeling the light of Truth grow. I began to get a little concerned for the possible effect on my eyes, and a finger of cloud obligingly moves across the sun to diminish the light. The sun shining through the wisps of cloud is fantastically beautiful, and I know this to be a very deep, profound experience. I am aware of great energy and great love. I tell Holly the beauty I see in the clouds, and she looks out, and immediately warns me to protect my eyes. This creates doubt in me, and I look away. I feel guilty that I didn't have the faith to keep looking, knowing that with complete trust no damage could occur. Yet I realize that I am always putting myself in those situations to create a sense of failure, so I simply decided to look only as long as comfortable, and to look away when not. I had some feeling that it was a mistake to try to get someone else to share a deep experience, as such experiences are between the individual and the Highest Order, and they are open to anyone who seeks them for himself.
I spent a glorious hour just watching the clouds and experiencing. I would be experiencing ecstasy, and then the experience would turn sour. I was aware that a negative thought had crossed my mind. So I chose positive thoughts, and the
experience would move in that direction. I had an amazing time watching how what I experienced followed my thinking. I decided to create the maximum possible joy.
I worked at this a while, and learned a lot about myself. Then the experience began to grow thin; I was running out of energy and beginning to feel empty. It came to me that you cannot do this alone. My feeling at the moment was that I had deserted Holly to become wrapped up in myself, and if felt better to get back in harmony; the next day in musing over it another interpretation occurred to me, that I had gotten out of touch with the Central Source by trying so hard to get the result. While this is going on, Holly is also having a very great experience. We see an eagle fly before the sun, and this brings her a great feeling of feeling of the Presence, 5:00p.m. the first she ever felt. After a while she feels this Presence in everything around her. I am very happy for her, but am strangely blocked from her at a deep level. She reads Gibran, and is very deeply moved. I find it very beautiful, but it doesn't strike me as deeply as it does her. I am concerned by my inability to feel with her.
5:00. I walk outside for a while alone. It is growing dark, and the storm is still dramatic. I enjoy the outdoors very much, and enjoy the different feeling I feel. I get a deep sense of loneliness, but it passes. Also powerful anger occurs again, and I wonder why this keeps returning. I wonder if it is because something has happened to me in in the past. I decide to go in and look to see. I lie down beside Holly, and we listen to music. It feels very good to be beside her. What I feel from
the past is my enormous sensitivity to rejection, and how painful it is. At the same time, I see how many little things that Holly does causes me to feel rejected. At the same time, I can see that I am doing many little things that cause her to feel rejected. The withdrawal is most peaceful and enjoyable.
We finally end it to get something to eat. By this time we are feeling enormous euphoria and well-being, which continues to grow through the evening. The aftermath is simply superb, better than any experience I can remember. I feel marvelous, light and full of energy, and wonderfully on top of things. We enjoy a very delicious meal, with marvelous enhancement of taste. For the next few hours I have to complete a number of chores getting ready to go back to L.A, the next morning, like packing, shining shoes, etc. A little tension grew because of the demand of my attention to these chores instead of freely experiencing, as I would have preferred. But going to bed was marvelous.
The drive to Los Angeles the next day was absolutely superb. We are still very much in the experience, and in some ways I reach greater heights than the day before. The scenery is beautiful, and I can let go completely to the flow of the car. I get a number of tremendous realizations, centered in the marvelous things that happen with true commitment to the Central 'Source'. I feel the impact of the high point of the previous day's experience of standing in the light. But the amazing thing is how absolutely wonderful I feel, both psychically and physically. It is just absolutely great. This enormous well-being was toned down the next few days as we interacted with others, but the drive back to Barstow, 4 days later, restored a lot of it.
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