Citation: Ranger117. "Seeing the World in Its Purest Form: An Experience with MDMA (Ecstasy) (exp91759)". Erowid.org. Aug 28, 2017. erowid.org/exp/91759
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My night with MDMA/Ecstasy was the most picturesque and stunning experience I have ever had. I quiver every time at the thought of it. I took the drug at a large rave of 17,000 people and never had I seen the human race in such a unified mindset. It was spectacular to witness and be apart of. It was how the world should be.
I guess I’ll start by sharing a little bit about myself. I suffer from social anxiety disorder. I’m too shy for my own good and I’m real self-conscious sometimes. As far as drugs go, prior to this experience I had only experimented with pot, alcohol and prescription drugs. My battle with Vicodin and Oxycodone has been up and down over the years but never had I become fully addicted to them. I just preferred to do them on the weekends while everyone else drank or smoked.
I had wanted to try MDMA for a while now. It seemed that everyone was getting sucked into the whole rave scene and one by one my friends began to fool around with it leaving me the only one left who hadn’t tried it.
I researched the drug for about two months and the more I read, the more I became fascinated by it. It intrigued me that before it was outlawed that underground therapists would “prescribe” MDMA to their patients who were suffering from an array of social and emotional conditions. I told my dad who is an ER physician about MDMA and he surprisingly endorsed that I try it. He’s a very smart man and told me to ignore what the government says about the drug for they just spew false information in attempt to scare people away, and instead gave me a few articles he found from random doctors and chemists who studied the drug who gave their own intuition. I decided that I had researched enough and that it was time to jump on the bandwagon.
For my trip I wanted it to be the right circumstances. Being a fan of trance and house music, I wanted to participate in a full on rave while on it. A few months passed by and one of my close friends bought us tickets to a rave.
Our group was comprised of about 35 people, mostly girls. 3 of which were veteran rollers leaving the rest of us being first timers. We were going to crash at one of the girls’ houses after the rave and we all met there beforehand. There was a notable degree of tension in the air with the people who hadn’t rolled before. They were nervous and so was I. My anxiety was kicking in which was something I expected and I really hoped it would go away but it only got worse as we got in our cars and got closer and closer to the arena where the rave was.
Fast-forwarding a bit, the rave had begun. I took two hits in capsule form of pure MDMA. We all migrated to the dance floor. 30 minutes in I was basically telling myself that I wasn’t having a good time. No one in our group was rolling yet but I was starting to feel lightheaded and was experiencing some vertigo. I left and sat down in the bleachers still not feeling too well and basically told myself that this stuff was wack. My buddy saw me and came up to talk. I told him I wasn’t feeling well and that I wanted it to end. He chuckled and told me to stand up and it was then when it hit me. The first thing I noticed was my body temperature elevated quite abruptly. Like a morphine drip in the ER, it felt like that in the sense that it totally came like a rush and made me feel warm virtually immediate. A huge grin spread across my face and the world, as I knew it with all its faults melted away giving birth to a new one, a new one that was so much more stimulating. I smiled at him and said: “let’s go dance man.”
We found our group in the middle of the crowd and they were all rolling ecstatically with looks of pure elation on their faces. By that time when we reached them it was hitting me full force. The euphoria was like nothing I had ever felt. Everything seemed right and meant to be. Everyone was smiling, everyone was hypnotized by the moment, everyone was in a higher state of emotion. My eyes water just thinking about it. I started dancing, the music felt so good and so natural.
One of the girls in our group, bless her heart, noticed that I wasn’t embracing the situation to its fullest. She turned with her back to the stage and looked me in the eye telling me that no one was judging me and that I needed to break free. She was a beautiful girl to begin with but her gaze right then and there was like I was looking at an angel. Before I knew it my hands had risen up and began holding her waist. Her head tipped back and her eyes rolled back from the elevated sensation. She countered by telling me to close my eyes and began massaging my face. We were lost in a passionate connection as everyone else around us was jumping up and down to the music. Right after when she told me to break free the DJ played a dubstep house remix of my favorite hip hop song and I thought I was going to explode with happiness. Between him dropping that song and this beautiful girl being with me I practically exploded with elation.
We continued feeling and dancing with each other for about another hour or so. It wasn’t so much a sexual interaction we were having, but more like an “I want just touch you” type of desire. My luck with girls has never been that great as I always got involved with the wrong ones, but this girl I could have married if you asked me to right then and there it was that great of an experience we were having. It was a classic falling in love on drugs moment.
Another hour passed by and I told her I was going to sit in the bleachers. As I walked out of the crowd I couldn’t help but notice how collective everyone was acting. People were having conversations with each other like they had known each other their whole lives despite having just met. It was dazzling to see the human race interacting in such a positive and cohesive manner. My anxiety was gone and my self-consciousness was history. I felt like superman and that nothing could bring me down. On my way to the bleachers I exchanged words with a lot of random strangers who were also rolling (it is safe to say that 97% of people there were) and it was all smiles and laughter with lots of giving as well. Since you need to drink a lot to regulate your body temperature everyone was drinking water all the time and I got offered bottles probably about ten times on my way to the bleachers. I accepted them every time and returned the favor by giving them a piece of gum. It felt so good and natural to give. I accidentally bumped into a couple people and it was all apologies and forgiveness.
I reached the bleachers and stared down at the crowd of people where I previously was. It was just so marvelous to see. By that point I began to shed a few tears and had to sit down. I grooved in the seat for a bit just loving the vibes and beats that the DJs were mixing. There was a group of gay guys dancing with each other about 20 ft. to my right opposite to the position of the stage which was to my left and I was completely unmoved by it. I’m not a homophobe, but sober I probably would have switched seats to distance myself from them.
At that point it had been about 3 hours since I took the 2 rolls and I felt myself coming down a bit. Contrary to what I had been told, It wasn’t depressive at all. Nowhere near as brutal as an Adderall comedown. I was also out of energy as well. I continued to sit there calmly when a person tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I needed any “thizzles,” (E pills). He was all dazzled out with lights and glows sticks all over his body, easily making him look like a veteran raver. This made me trust him and without any hesitation I asked him how much and he said they were free. I accepted one and gave him some gum and a large bottle of ice water that I had just filled. We exchanged an emotional goodbye and I popped the pill. I then returned my eyes to the sea of ravers before me and waited for it to kick in.
About 45 minutes later I felt the familiar feelings creeping up on me like with the MDMA but it made me way more energetic. I figured that the pill was cut with some type of amphetamine or something. Once again I was swept off my feet by the effects and I delightfully returned to my friends in the crowd. Most of the people in our group I had just met but we were all high fiving and hugging each other like were the best of buds. It was pure and utter bliss and the cool thing about it all was that I could function normally. I don’t think I could have driven necessarily, but I could easily hold a conversation and text.
I enjoyed myself for the remainder of the concert dancing my spirit out and 8 hours passed before I knew what happened. We all left the arena with the flock of other ravers. I was still rolling a bit and the air felt so beautiful and natural against my skin as I walked to my car. I happily told everyone who was in my car to wait inside while I went and got it. By the time I pulled up our entire group had eventually made it out to the street. The girl who I was with in the beginning of night was smiling at me, the one who made my experience the way it was. Her ride with most of the other girls was still about 15 minutes away so as my friends got in my car I pulled a big nice warm fuzzy blanket out of the trunk and walked over to her, wrapping it around her holding her close in the process. Her gaze met mine and I felt my knees weaken, no exaggeration. Everyone else was beaming and giggling at us, especially my main buddy who later said the highlight of the night was seeing me embrace the drug right after that girl began to touch me. He said I made a face of pleasure and serenity that he had never seen before and I have known him for my entire life.
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]
The drive back was silent and enlightening. Still rolling a bit, we all took turns sharing our stories from the night. We and everyone else got back to the house at 5:30 am and fell asleep almost instantly.
When I woke up I felt rejuvenated. I felt like a whole new man, almost like I had just been reincarnated. We all said our goodbyes and the people and I in my car left. I strung out that a long goodbye with that girl and thanked her for telling me to embrace myself at the time and that I hoped to catch her at the next one. I flattered her to death in the conversation but she acknowledged what I said very cheerfully and said it made her feel good that she was cherished so much.
On the two-hour drive back all I thought of was how amazing the experience was but I primarily thought of her. Some of her facial expressions are engraved into my memory so deep that every time I think about it I can visualize it perfectly – something that makes me feel very content.
It was simply spectacular when it was at its peak and even after I still felt a little warm as my outlook on life had drastically changed. This is coming from someone was very apprehensive about trying it initially. I will definitely do it again but I will only do it in the appropriate scenario. Our group communicated with each other soon after we got back to our homes and already started planning to go to another one in the relative future. I look forward to it and especially look forward to seeing the girl again with her divine charisma that swept me off my feet in a way that I never thought was possible.
It was a 11/10 experience for me and I’m so glad I did it.
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