Citation: Phantasmal. "A Rather Promising Compound: An Experience with Methoxetamine (exp91374)". Erowid.org. Jun 8, 2011. erowid.org/exp/91374
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A week or two had passed since my first MXE experience, and I knew I wanted to dive a little bit deeper. After some consideration, I decided that IM would be my favored route of administration. Not only does IM conserve material and produce a swift come-up, but I have to admit that I enjoy the whole ritual of prepping/injecting. Besides, I'd really like to shoot K but never have, so I figured shooting another arylcyclohexylamine would reasonably satisfy my desire.
I acquired sterile 1cc rigs, sterile saline solution, and other such equipment for the experience. My friend S was with me again. This time her role was to oversee that the administration/comeup went smoothly.
I was planning on an initial dose of 20mg, but I accidentally added 23mg to the scale so decided to go with the extra [small] boost. I tapped the powder into a clean spoon/cooker, added some sterile saline, drew it up through cotton (a micron filter would have been ideal, but i went with what I had) and pulled down my pants.
'You're taking your pants off. You know this is getting serious,' joked S.
'I'm a little bit nervous,' said I. I was. I was about to inject a relatively new, untested chemical.
With a clean alcohol swab, I wiped off a spot on my thigh. Carefully, I inserted the needle into the anterolateral muscle, pulled back for no blood, and then slowly pushed down the plunger.
'It's all in,' I said as I laid back on the bed. I felt an anxious excitement, half scared that I'd fuck myself up and half excited that I'd be fucked up. I closed my eyes.
Within a few minutes, it started to hit me, first almost imperceptibly, then undeniably. An irresistible smile spread across my face. I opened my eyes to note that my sense of proportion was mighty skewed, typical of dissociatives. Things seemed farther off or closer than usual. My arms looked small and far off. I closed my eyes again and fell back into a warm, fuzzy dissociative death, allowing my body/mind to disintegrate, learning to let go.
At some point S helped me locate a CD, Brian Eno's Another Green World. The major key 'Everything Merges With The Night' was pleasing and fitting, instruments separated into slabs of sound. S laid next to me on the bed and I started thinking about the relationships in my life, about how what I want most in my relationships is genuine interaction, as simple and obvious as it may sound. The kind you know intuitively with something as simple as a glance. Not necessarily agreeance in all matters, but eye-to-eye understanding.
S announced her leave after an undetermined amount of time and I laid in bed exploring the serene MXE headspace. Subtle energies swirled around and through me. I decided after a while to do a booster dose, so in a somewhat incapacitated state managed to prep a 15mg shot. This time it went in the opposite thigh. Immediately after the shot, I realized I had to piss, so I stumbled downstairs past a blaring TV, had a good-natured piss and arrived back in my room just in time for lift off! Since my iPod was/is broken, I turned on the local classical music station and relaxed, allowing the music to do its work.. working its way into my body, soothing and unraveling long-held tensions before it worked its way out again as another frequency of the electromagnetic spectrum and dissipated. As with DXM and ketamine, I got the sense that things aren't so 'inanimate'.. that intention is alive in all things. I allowed the subtle energies to do their work, trusting that they would carry me and gently let me down where I was supposed to be, like washing up on a shore... In fact this whole phase of the trip had a very oceanic feel to it.. I could almost taste the saltwater coursing through me (actually, maybe I could, being that I injected saline.) The proprioceptive distortions had only intensified since I did a second shot, and I got great pleasure in feeling my body turn, twist, float, slide, and whathaveyou.
Now comes the unpleasant part. At some point I got this burning sensation in my head and I'm pretty sure my own anxiety exacerbated it. I've gotten the feeling on DXM before, but it was harder to ignore this time. I also felt an alcoholic sensation in my lungs and began to think that I had inadvertantly injected a significant quantity of isopropyl alcohol, which, retrospectively, is ridiculous. My anxiety was fed by the notion that I had injected a relatively new chemical from a gray-market research chemical supplier. What if there was a toxic impurity in it? What if I didn't filter sufficiently? Etc, etc. At least if I get delusional and obsessive while dexxing, I can go online, read LD50s and remind myself that people have been chugging syrup for decades with little fuss (besides turning into asocial retards).
This unpleasant phase didn't last all too long, because through logic and reasoning (and not solely through bodily signals themselves), it dawned on me that I hadn't eaten in quite some time and was simply hungry. Ah! Food! Our vital link to the earth! To consume what is borne of dirt! Yes! I fished a few fruit and nut bars from my backpack and consumed them in silence, save for the sound of my chewing. I felt my focus and wits come back to me almost immediately.
Downstairs I still heard the blaring of the TV and thought it would be nice to interact socially. I stumbled down to find my roommate/friend N watching Gangs Of New York. I was immediately intrigued - the movie seemed cool to begin with, and dissociatives tend to further spark my interest in historic events, and in general, how things have evolved (I'd like to add that I've spent some significant time whilst dexxed reading Wiki pages on the botanical origins of common produce). I plopped down on the sofa. The movie provoked my thoughts regarding the ways that violence/revolt/murder is tolerated/encouraged in some timespans/regions and can be seen as noble. About attempting to live life with some semblance of normalcy, while at any given time chaos can ensue. And that's that.
After the movie, I shared with N that I was pretty high on MXE and was in no mood for sleeping. He suggested that I choose another movie. I chose A Beautiful Mind. Witnessing the gradual breakdown of John Nash's character made me think about my recent stint with mental instability and the psych ward, which - hell, could certainly be make for a trip report in of itself. I thought about 'hearing voices' and how I feel they're a manifestation of deeply internalized stimuli which has no other outlet.
One peculiar thing about watching this film - during the most cinematic and heart-wrenching scenes, even though I think it's a great film, I couldn't help but be a bit cynical of the whole thing. This camera angle here, add some string arrangements here, pan out, presto, you have a tear-jerker. It seemed so formulaic to me because I was seeing the individual layers as if I were editing the movie and not let my emotions be carried away with the whole production.
Anyway, I spent the rest of the night listening to an obscure Jesus station on AM radio (true story) and decoding messages in the static sent from sun-spot civilizations (jk lol?). I then took some melatonin and went to sleep.
The next day I had an extremely pleasant afterglow - good-natured, energetic, and confident - actually so much so that I probably could have told off someone had they incited me. Bordering on hypomania, perhaps, but I'm not complaining. I have a feeling this stuff has considerable anti-depressant potential like our other NMDA-antagonizing friends.
Well, I'm tired and my beer is empty, so this is probably enough for now. So far, MXE is a pretty promising compound and I'd like to explore it further. It does lack something that DXM has - maybe it's the serotonergic rush or whatever, but it also has something that other dissociatives I've tried do not. At any rate, it is what it is and is pretty damn nice for what it is. I must admit, the fact that it's readily sniffable/injectable is part of the appeal, but so is its character, which I have only begun exploring. A worthy addition to the dissociative toolbox!
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