Citation: Vostochnyj. "The Universes Orgasm: An Experience with DMT (exp90577)". Erowid.org. Oct 3, 2012. erowid.org/exp/90577
||(powder / crystals)
Before describing this experience, I would like to start by describing my approach to the use of DMT. I have used DMT about 15 times. I do have a normal routine for this experience, but I changed it up a bit, chemically and mentally, the last time I visited the space that is the DMT experience. DMT is a substance I take infrequently with great reverence and respect. I do not consider it to be a “drug” in the way that I use it, and I don't like to call the experience a trip. I never anticipate a “trip” in any generic sense; the only thing I anticipate is awareness or knowledge. I used to think of questions to ask it before taking DMT; this seems somewhat silly these days. The knowledge is there. Whom or what I come into contact with during the experience already knows the questions that are in my mind and knows which ones demand answers and which ones are dismissable or simply unrealized potential, self-doubt. (I became convinced of the “mind-scan” after a DMT entity took me aside and told me a couple of very simple but incredibly revelatory facts about my panic disorder and issues with anxiety.)
I normally start by smoking a small bowl of medical cannabis; I feel that, after the first half hour of the usual stone, cannabis has incredible synergistic potential with meditation. Next, I turn off all the lights in my apartment, except for one small adjustable lamp, which I place on the floor and point at the wall for minimal ambient lighting. I then practice two forms of grounding meditations. Here it is important to note that these meditations have become exponentially more visual and immersive since my first real, immersive, ego-shattering experience with DMT. I am frequently able to find myself slipping into a DMT “tunnel” during a totally sober meditation.
This time my mental and chemical preparation was a bit different. I started with the usual cannabis and dimming of my lighting. After reading about the synergies between MAO inhibitors with DMT (with smoked DMT, not just in ayahuasca brews), I decided to take two gelcaps of the Ashwagandha root I had already purchased a week earlier from a local herbal/holistics store. Ashwagandha contains, among other things, harmane, an MAO inhibitor and alkaloid closely related to the harmaline found in many ayahuasca brews. I also prepared a tea of scullcap and passion flower (which both contain beta-carbolines, from which tryptamines can be derived), with wild strawberry leaf and peppermint to provide a better taste. I prepared and drank the tea and took the Ashwagandha after I smoked the cannabis, waiting for the effects to level off into a more lucid state. I did not expect these extra preparations to dramatically increase my experience of DMT, as some of the constituents of this tea have a tendency to make me a little bit drowsy. However, this experience was utterly alien to the “usual” or “normal” manifestations of DMT in the human mind.
When I felt prepared, and after at least 45 minutes after ingesting the Ashwagandha and the scullcap/passion flower tea (for digestion purposes), I began to smoke the DMT on top of a teensy, tiny pinch of cannabis. Possibly due to the relaxing nature of the tea, I did not feel any of the usual anxiety that comes after exhaling the first or second hit. The DMT came on as a very gentle, but very rapid, unfolding – unfolding of everything, quickly, all at once. As I cleared the bowl of all material, the folds in my curtains started throbbing and pulsing like veins, quickly turning into a literal waterfall of visual distortions and activity. At this point I was told, as usual, to close my eyes, lie down, and listen.
I went through the usual DMT tunnels that I always experience before “breaking through.” This time the tunnels seemed to be longer. They also seemed to have their own space, their own character, as if they were not just conduits to other dimensions, or however you view the true DMT space. These tunnels presented themselves like a Hans Bellmer drawing, with infinite lines defining the motion of the tunnels' walls. This quickly turned sexual. (Here I suppose it is somewhat important to note that I identify as a gay male.) I was presented with many images of feminine sexuality – not just the act of sex, but the sheer sexuality of the female form. Possibly most interesting of all, I did not find any of this unusual in any way. I also saw many phalluses and even very explicit penises. The feminine imagery and the “male” imageries did not collide; I was not presented with any visions or images of penetration. Merely, this tunnel was a cornucopia of human sexuality, and it was a beautiful presentation, though I was not part of the experience... yet.
Nearly as soon as I realized what the imagery in this tunnel was and what meaning it might hold (I feel as if I saw the “true nature of bisexuality,” which is actually just unsuppressed human sexuality in general, though it has not changed any aspect of my own sexuality). After this tunnel there was a sense of “breaking through,” but there was a simultaneous sense of being on one side of a wall and being aware of the activity on the other side of the wall. This was to become significant later in the experience. Immediately after this breakthrough, I encountered a being (as usual, right?). I am usually able to deduce something about almost any kind of presense I come into contact with in this state (if they don't tell me directly), but I could not place this one. The only impression I received was that this being was powerful, and that its (His, I now feel) identity was not of any importance to me or any other human being; simply His existence.
Here's where it gets weird. Or, as “weird” as you could call any DMT experience, I suppose. After the intense, unmitigated, pure sexuality of the first tunnel, sexual imagery kept floating through my mind here and there. I feel that this being picked up on that, whether it was in my mind beforehand or whether it was genuinely part of what the experience wanted to show me. I became physically aroused, and this somehow immediately bled through into the experience. The being I was in communion with asked (not forced or demanded) oral sex. The next second there was a – well, frankly – a penis right in front of my face. In the DMT state, I did not find this request intrusive or inappropriate, and fulfilling this request seemed as natural as waking up in the morning.
This did not last very long. It was presented more as a test than an actual sexual encounter. I was fully prepared for this to be the whole of the experience, but seconds later, it felt like I had again broken through. This time I actually saw a physical barrier between me and the usual elves I encounter. I could hear them, I could feel their energy and excitement, on the other side of an actual wall. The wall was one solid piece and reminded me of the Berlin wall. It did not seem like a negative thing; there was not graffiti on it but rather intricate geometric patterns in ochres and crimsons that shifted and changed. As per usual I was instructed to ignore the visual fascination with the wall. I made it my determination to get over the wall.
And it was as simple as that; I saw myself float over the wall and land. At this point I finally experienced the joy of “You're here! Welcome! You come here so rarely!” that usually occurs at the moment of breakthrough. Here is where I felt that the harmane from the Ashwagandha root contributed to the prolonged nature of the experience. At this point things were familiar again. I saw the elves creating objects with their voices, and I knew the task at hand. I have read much of Terence McKenna's work on the interactions of the human mind with these beings. I knew that they wanted to teach me to vocalize objects into existence. I possibly assumed that I knew how to do it because, at this point (T+00:17) I felt the experience start to fade and wanted to get the most insight out of it as possible. I began humming, and some kind of organic object appeared before me, right in my face, almost taking up my entire field of vision. I saw where the creation of this object was going. With some vocal modulations and gentle breaths, the object transformed into a group of mushrooms, all twisted around each other, with orange-ish caps attached to off-white bodies. I felt a sense of deep, deep awe from the elves. I simply wanted to show that (some) humans are (somewhat) aware of the plants that can expand our experience of conscious reality. They seemed not surprised by this, but somewhat impressed.
I felt myself start to float upward – out of the experience, I realized. I made sure to say goodbye to the elves, and to the entity that I had some sort of sexual experience with. The elves seemed to be caught up in something, maybe the fact that I presented an image of psilocybin mushrooms(?), but after a moment, they wished me a loving “goodbye, see you later, when the time is right.” The last impression I was left with after this experience was a response to my question to the being that showed me His (its, possibly, as I felt the feminine visuals were produced by the same entity, but from a different aspect of the entity) sexual nature. I asked, “Where are you?” and was immediately struck by the information, “I am inside you. I am inside everyone.”
Integrating this particular experience has not been a pressing issue for me, as I don't think I could ever possibly resolve it. But I am left with the definite impression that God or whatever you choose to term the energy of the universe that is Love, is utterly not human, but contains all the aspects of humanity, especially sexuality. I am still left with the impression that God, or this energy, this Love, is neither feminine nor “masculine,” but rather represents both sexes, and every sexual identity and sexual preference that could ever exist.
I felt compelled to write this report (I read a lot of reports, but I have never submitted one) because of the unusual character of this experience. I always contact entities, usually multiple ones of different “types” that have different “functions” in the DMT space, but I have never had any experience with this material that could be even remotely classified as sexual. I have certainly never had a DMT experience that gave me an erection! I'm interested in finding out if other people have experienced this (with DMT alone), or if this is a possible result of combining the DMT with Ashwagandha and my beta-carboline loaded tea.
I'd also be interested to hear any thoughts from anyone on the nature of God/universal “love” energy. I formerly believed that everything about nature, this creative and loving energy, was utterly feminine. I now have the impression that the feminine is merely an aspect of all of this. The feminine, I feel, could very well encompass all of nature (including humans) and be the force behind it, but from this past experience I am left with the irrefutable feeling that there is a male (not necessarily “masculine”) aspect of this energy, too.
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