Hard to Believe It's Been Seven Years...
Citation: Cole. "Hard to Believe It's Been Seven Years...: An Experience with Oxycodone, Oxymorphone & Suboxone (exp90165)". Erowid.org. Nov 24, 2015. erowid.org/exp/90165
I'm not sure where to start... I guess with introducing myself I'm 23 years old and I live in a small town located in the small-minded state of Pennsylvania. I've been experimenting with drugs since an early age, around 12 years old. My Parents were/are both addicts but they're functional addicts. ( I say were because my father passed and in the last few years of his life he was sober because he almost died due to liver failure caused by alcoholism.) My Mother is still an addict. It's sad to say, since I don't think very highly of her, that I'm an addict of the same substance she is. OXYCODONE. I like to think I'm a functional addict as well.
I started using oxycodone around the age of 15 or so but at that point it was purely recreational. My father who was prescribed percocet would give me some as we drove around the back roads smoking herb together. That was kinda our thing when I was young... Space cruising. I would only take it once a week or so.
I really enjoyed the feeling it gave me. I was so relaxed as if I had no worries my mind was at ease and my body was numb. I was a depressed teenager due to my father's illness that I knew would kill him soon and I really appreciated that numb feeling that made me temporarily forget my problems.
As the months carried on I got a boyfriend and well he introduced me to crushing and snorting them which became my new favorite thing to do. Months turned into years and before I knew it I was buying percocet from my dad $3 for 10mg which is a good deal. I'd buy half and my mom the other. By the age of 18 I wasn't doing them to feel high or numb, I was doing them to feel 'normal' like without them I feel odd. Well for one I'm sick from wd [withdrawal] but not only that I feel like I'm not myself. I'm less social and more down. I'm very socially awkward, either way I'm shy. I'm pretty much the weird quiet girl that you know has a wild side.
I'm skipping ahead again... At the age of 22 I got on suboxone because I realized that oxy was running my life; when I didn't have it all I did was think about when and how I would get some. Suboxone works but I hate the taste and the want is still there for oxy. I was doing good about a month clean but then I crashed when my father died. I had tried to better myself because I saw how he battled and I was proud of him and I had lost him, my best friend.
I didn't care anymore and jumped in hard. I went to heroin, first snorting, then injecting. I was pretty pathetic, I couldn't even shoot myself up. My dealer who was also an addict would put the needle in me. I'd throw up about 20 times in a night but I still felt great unlike anything oxy did for me but I was not functional on heroin. I started spending all my money, took off 3 months of work (claimed STD/FMLA). I ended up losing my beautiful apartment because I couldn't afford rent. I was just sick of myself and life. I came to a fork I was either going to OD or sober up again... So I decided to semi strong and went to suboxone again but not for long. I got back on pills but stayed away from the needle.
I still do suboxone only when I can't get pills so I don't get withdrawal. I could stand withdrawal if it wasn't for the restlessness. It drives me INSANE. It's like I'm so tired but my body wants to do jumping jacks in the middle of the night. I can't stay still.
Pills also caused me my last relationship. I was actually in love with someone who I believed may have loved me. We dated on and off for 2 years. He broke up with me the first time because I was an addict and well he didn't want to do drugs anymore and I wouldn't stop. The second time we got back together I was on suboxone as stated earlier but got back on pills and he found out... Now we've been broken up for about 3 months.
Oxy has caused me to feel ashamed, weak, lose someone I love, spend all my money, lose my apartment, almost become fired from work and I'm sure plenty of other things. I took a suboxone tonight because I'm out unfortunately.. But I'm getting 30mg percs tomorrow which I dropped $500 on. I wonder if I'll always be an addict? If I'll ever have the will power to stop for good...
Take it from me, use wisely and if you suspect you may become addicted run away from it. It's been 7 years and I'm still fighting this. The only one who can save you is yourself.
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