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Addiction Was Gradual at First
by Bishop
Citation:   Bishop. "Addiction Was Gradual at First: An Experience with Oxycodone (exp90144)". Erowid.org. Nov 11, 2015. erowid.org/exp/90144

  repeated   Pharms - Oxycodone (pill / tablet)


Oxycodone and its addiction

I was introduced to the drug oxycodone, in the form of Vicodin. [Erowid Note: Vicodin, a combination of acetaminophen and hydrocodone, does not contain oxycodone.] I started with Vicodin 10mg's when I was in 7th grade, my mom had a prescription, and my uncle had just began getting high off of percocet and OC's.

Now at that time I was open minded, but I was cautious and calculated in my decisions on trying new substances. I saw how my uncle would get high, and thought it looked blissful and intriguing, and was ignorant to the fact that oxycodone is not much different from heroin. At this point I was scared of overdoing it, I would go to school and take the pills. I started with one, and every time I did them I increased the number of pills. Eventually I found that about 5 pills would get me high, but I would still function normally. I barely even smoked pot, but I was taking prescription pills, unaware of the risk of addiction and overdose.

Fast forward 2 years. I'm now 14 and in 9th grade. Marijuana and alcohol had become normal substances to me, a long stretch from when I was in 7th grade.This is the first time I tried a percocet 30mg. I loved it, but just as when I was doing Vicodin, I did it in school. At first it was fun, my senses were heightened and I had an increased appreciation for everything. However, fast forward half an hour and it began to affect me full blast. I started to feel as though my body was getting heavier, I found it hard to keep my eyes open, and it was impossible to fully function in class. When my class let out, I went to the bathroom to avoid any contact with teachers. I began to feel nauseous as I walked to the bathroom. As I entered the bathroom, I knew I was going to vomit. I went in a stall and just stood there, the urge to vomit coming and going. As soon as I turned to leave the stall, I began to vomit, it was extremely uncomfortable being that I had not eaten or drank anything that day. After I vomited I began to feel much better, and the high continued as It had right before I got to the bathroom, and I became paranoid that a teacher was going to notice my odd behavior, and that I was going to get in trouble somehow.

After this experience I was afraid to touch oxycodone because the last experience in school scared me horribly. Now that I look back that is most likely because I was too immature and preoccupied to fully realize the effects of the high. Also the fact that my last experience had been in school made it extremely nerve racking. It was approximately another year before I experimented with the substance again.

By the time I had decided to experiment with oxycodone I had digressed from a teenager with his head on straight, a normal self esteem level, and goals, as well as a plan to achieve those goals for my life, to an emotionally unstable hateful teen. My father and mother had gotten a divorce, and I was beginning to realize how emotionally and mentally abusive my father had been. It destroyed my false self esteem, which had not been as normal as I thought it was since I was probably about 7. I started with alcohol, and became an alcoholic, yes, an alcoholic at the age of 15. One day I was hanging out with my uncle, and I asked for a pill. At this point I had been drinking and smoking pot with him, and had formed a bond with him, he became somewhat of a second father to me. Though not in a traditional sense, he was there for emotional and mental support, if I needed money, or if I just needed someone to talk to.

When I asked him for a percocet, he was reluctant at first, as a matter of fact he wouldn't give me anything until I lied and told him that it was something that I did on a fairly regular basis. Now although this wasn't my first experience, it was my first real use of the drug. First he gave me one, and I chewed it, we were on our way to the movies, and after about 30 minutes, I told him I barely felt it. He gave me another one, which I chewed as we walked into the theater. About 20 minutes after we entered the theater, the effects truly hit me. I began feeling somewhat euphoric. All of the problems I had, both in the world and emotionally, seemed to drift away. I felt at peace with who I was. I began dipping out in the theater, and didn't see much of the movie. The rest of my high was truly amazing. It was euphoric and truly amazing, my world became almost perfect, with problems and bad thoughts no longer fazing me. I finished out the high, and without even knowing it, I fell in love with oxycodone.

Now the rest of my experiences with oxycodone are a blur. The addiction was gradual at first, and completely mental. I found myself missing the euphoric state in which my crippled emotions were no longer a part of me. I began using the substance more often.
The addiction was gradual at first, and completely mental. I found myself missing the euphoric state in which my crippled emotions were no longer a part of me. I began using the substance more often.
I would do it before school, and it no longer bothered me. It began to calm me in school, and I would only take a dose that would give me mild effects, instead of full blown dipping out. Eventually I began to grow a tolerance to the substance, and began increasing my dosages. At this point in my life I had a very close group of friends. I had one friend who had known me for 10 years, and my friends who I had met more recently. And they meant the world to me. Especially my best friend, a girl who was about a year younger then me, I had liked her since I met her, and began liking her more and more. Now as my habit was at that point, my judgement and overall personality were the same as they were before I started abusing.

However, as I found myself becoming more dependent on the drug, I began to change. At this point I was living with my mom, but she was no longer actually living at our house. She would stay for the weekends and whatnot, but was gone for times that would regularly be for about a week. At this point my friends and I had taken over my house. We were holding parties multiple times a week, and life became less about the future, and more about the time and party at hand. Getting high began to become the major motive for my existence. I began to change, my motives were all based on getting high, my judgement was horrible at best. I began to separate from my friends, and I fell in love with the girl who was my best friend. My friends began to notice that I was losing control and began to worry. I lost control of myself completely. I started to show signs of being bipolar. I swayed back and forth between being horribly depressed with what I had become, and angry at myself and those around me because I was on the verge of losing my house because the landlord had a problem with all the partying and how many friends I had over constantly. On a normal night there would be 20 people raging from the ages of 15-25. Keep in mind at this point I'm still 16. I began to blame myself for the problems with the house, and turned a blind eye to the 'friends' who were using me.

I began with thoughts of suicide. One night, I became so depressed I snorted 18 30mg percocets, that's a total of 540mg. I felt death peering over my shoulder, the idea of all my problems, of my very world, ending, became something that I longed for in a way, and after about 45 minutes I stumbled outside, and passed out. All my friends were upstairs, nobody even knew that I went outside. The next morning, more realistically sometime the next afternoon, I awoke, in a sort of hangover like state, worked my way inside, and slept for at least 2 days. Now I truly realized what I had become, a shell of the person I once was, which wasn't much to begin with. I began attempting to overdose on a regular basis, at least once a week.

My friends began to realize what I was becoming. They started trying to stop me, and I grew bitter whenever they would even mention that I had a problem, comments like 'dude your getting bad you need to stop' would invoke an angry outburst, and I would snort more pills to calm down. This slowly pushed all of my friends away, to the point where the only person I felt truly connected to anymore was the girl I was in love with, who, while still my best friend, and I was still her best friend, I had also pushed away. I knew how much it bothered her, but even to make her happy, which was what I claimed to want the most, I couldn't quit.

After awhile, I lost my house, and all of my friends. My one true friend that I have left still tries to keep me from using. Oxycodone became the main priority in my life and provided a false happiness. The addiction is bittersweet, It gave me a false happiness, and yet it destroyed me to know what I was at the same time, which caused more drug use. I still to this day struggle with the addiction. And still to this day I have not reconnected with the friends I lost, and due to what I had become, the girl I loved no longer wants anything to do with me. While I may not have lost a home or a car or anything material, emotionally I lost everything I had that kept me sane, and I lost that which was more important to me then anything, my friends and sanity. Oxycodone was both the best, and by far the worst thing that ever happened to me.

[Reported Dose: 'Multiple 30mg pills gradual increases in dosage']

Exp Year: 2010ExpID: 90144
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 16 
Published: Nov 11, 2015Views: 4,416
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Oxycodone (176) : Various (28), Depression (15), Addiction & Habituation (10)

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