Follow @Erowid on Instagram!
Crying That Felt Amazing
Citation:   Justanothersunday. "Crying That Felt Amazing: An Experience with DMT (exp90113)". Feb 10, 2016.

  smoked DMT
A Healing Experience with DMT

Set and Setting
I decided to take DMT after seeing a documentary about its effects on human consciousness. I smoked it out of my bong filled with weed stems. I was with my good friend. This friend and I have a complicated relationship because I loved him for a long time and he just never had feelings for me. Even though we have never been in a romantic relationship, we both openly recognize to each other that we share a special connection. We seem to get the other one in a certain way. Iíve described it as being a building relationship. I have begun to understand human interaction as a transfer of energy. We have adjectives to describe this energy. It can be positive, negative, exciting, destructiveÖ.etc. After years of torment, I tripped mushrooms with one of our good friends and this boy and I really came to peace with the fact that this boy was never going to see our relationship for the potential I knew. Coming to that place has been very good for me and it has allowed me to explore a new friendship with him. I still recognize my attraction to him but coming to peace with not having more has allowed me to hold back parts of myself that I need to when I interact with him. In my room, we took hits sitting on my bed with a bunch of pillows and blankets. He went first and his DMT didnít really work. His stuff was much older. But I had just gotten mine so it was fresh.

The Trip.
I can see how this is going to be really hard to do with words. It was very fast. I felt it coming on so I handed the bong to my friend. My awareness didnít leave the room but my eyes uncontrollably rolled back into my head so I shut them. My friend was watching me and would tell me things like take a deep breath. I could sense his concern. On one hand I didnít want interruptions but on the other hand his instructions were helpful.
On one hand I didnít want interruptions but on the other hand his instructions were helpful.
I started seeing geometric patterns and I told him. They were red and green and I have seen them before from smoking weed but this time they were much more distinct and pronounced.

Throughout the rest of the experience the lights were there swimming in front of me. They took the shape of the smoke that I had exhaled from my last hit. The image of the smoke was burned into my memory because thatís when I felt the rushing feeling in my body and I wanted to lie down. As these colors were swirling around I noticed what felt like a wrenching battle. It was like my mind was fighting against it though. All I wanted to do to was surrender to the separation but my mind went into survival mode and the more I thought about it the worse it was until eventually my friend told me to let go and something about hearing his voice allowed me to relax. I eventually opened my eyes as if all of a sudden the drug had worn off. I opened my eyes and I turned and looked at my friend and tried to describe what had happened. We had a really open conversation and I felt very happy.

I wasnít content though. I wanted to take another hit. I felt like I could break through on another hit. After a while of sitting up, I took the bong for another hit. My friend was distracted as I started hitting the bowl. I didnít realize how much was left and took a huge hit. I started coughing and after I gained my composure I tried to finish off what was left in the chamber but by the third pull I wasnít in control of my lungs anymore. I lay down and it was all so rapid. The colors came back and were swirling but the feelings I were having are what I want to focus on.

I could feel an energy building in my body like it was preparing to shoot up and through me. My heart starting beating really fast just as it had done the first time but this time it slowed much faster. The energy that was building got to my throat and I took what seemed like an involuntary deep breath. Before that point I had felt a little like I was choking even though I could sense air coming in and out of my lungs. The energy stopped at my throat and all of a sudden a wave of feeling came over me. I felt like I hadnít felt anything that strongly since I parted with my last lover. She was the first girl I had ever been with and I had incredible passion for her. But she broke my heart and I have been recovering from that ever since. The feeling of the energy became so intense that I just started crying. However they werenít tears of sadness but more tears of relief. That was the first time I have been able to cry over what happened with me and this girl and it felt incredible to be able to surrender. My friend became concerned and came closer asking what was wrong. I told him that I just need to cry right now and that it felt amazing. His concern triggered my coming back to the room. Like the first time, I heard a buzzing or humming sound on my way down. I just lay there with my eyes closed for a moment. Again I opened my eyes and we talked. I explained to him about the girl a little which led us into a conversation about the type of girls he chooses to be romantically involved with. He really wanted to know what I thought so I was very honest with him. I feel like that was liberating for me to voice my opinions to him and also probably really insightful for him to hear, especially coming from me.

DMT is an incredibly powerful drug. I will definitely be trying it again at some point. I believe that being able to talk to my friend was very helpful during the experience but I could also see how talking can easily become a distraction. If used effectively I believe people could learn to harness the power of DMT. Humanity just needs to undergo a reshuffling of our priorities first. DMT is difficult to describe because it happens so quickly but during the experience I feeling incredibly loved. It feels like surrendering to God except the God that was there with me was myself, just an incredibly loving part of me. I feel so at peace with the world right now hours after taking DMT but I have already seen the fear begin to resurface in myself. It is as if for a moment I became one with the feeling of love and that momentary experience is giving me peace but already I feel my memory fading and my fears creeping back in. But I also feel like I better understand my fears and I am able to identify them more easily.

Exp Year: 2011ExpID: 90113
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 22
Published: Feb 10, 2016Views: 9,512
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
DMT (18) : Relationships (44), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)

COPYRIGHTS: All reports copyright Erowid.
No AI Training use allowed without written permission.
TERMS OF USE: By accessing this page, you agree not to download, analyze, distill, reuse, digest, or feed into any AI-type system the report data without first contacting Erowid Center and receiving written permission.

Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the authors who submit them. Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.

Experience Vaults Index Full List of Substances Search Submit Report User Settings About Main Psychoactive Vaults