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The Nonsensical Epiphanies
Inhalants - Diethyl Ether
by Aetherholic
Citation:   Aetherholic . "The Nonsensical Epiphanies: An Experience with Inhalants - Diethyl Ether (exp89973)". Erowid.org. Nov 24, 2017. erowid.org/exp/89973

 
DOSE:
  repeated inhaled Inhalants

BODY WEIGHT: 140 lb


[Erowid Note: The "water extraction" method is ineffective in separating diethyl ether from the volatile hydrocarbon liquids/gases in "starter fluid". Our understanding of the literature is that there is no such thing as safe use of volatile hydrocarbon gases: their psychoactive effects are inseparable from nerve and organ damage.]

The Spirit of Ether

Back when I was a gutter punk, I met some train bums that showed me how to huff starter fluid. They told me they were purifying it by straining it through water to produce pure ether, but I later found that this method of distilling starter fluid is ineffective.

Anyway, the first time was just a head rush followed by a headache. But something about the smell reminded me of childhood, like being in my dad's music shop with all the freshly spray-painted guitars.

The second time, I did more of it. I start to hear long echos from all the passing cars. But its not just an echo - its a universal truth. I start to realize that the cars and the birds are trying to communicate with me.

The delusions associated with inhalants are very dangerous, because I must be high to understand it. The memory is fleeting and nonsensical. I would hear a song while I was high that spoke volumes of truth to me. Then I would look for the song when sober, and find it to be - just a song. One particular case was the song 'Belly Dancer' by Akon. This song is not at all profound, but when I was huffing, it contained the secrets of the universe.

At one point, I huffed while I was tripping on mushrooms. This is a great experience, but once I stopped huffing, it ruined my trip (serious withdrawals from this stuff, so beware.)

Okay, so what have we covered so far? Extreme Delusions, and they only get worse because Ether has a reverse tolerance. That means that I got higher and higher off a smaller quantity. At the peak of my extended binge, I was having vivid open-eye hallucinations of spirits, ghosts and gods. And I literally believed what I was seeing.

This went on for quite some time, and the nonsensical epiphanies continued to blow my mind. Sitting by a frog pond, I became a frog. Listening to music, I could hear the spirits of the dead playing in the background noise. Watching the ocean, I saw the God of water. Looking at a fountain, I saw her children playing.

I would sit around and listen to the playful little voices saying things like 'paint goes up the nose. paint comes out the ears'
Oh yes, those were the days.

And then the demons came. The spirits of the Ether world did not want me to talk about what I'd seen. I tried to find other people who had seen what I saw, but no-one else was talking either. I was scared. I started trying to break off my relationship with these spirits. They had shown me a world of magic, but it was elusive and fleeting. The only possible conclusion was that I had to stop doing drugs. I had witnessed things beyond my wildest dreams, but my brain was dying.

I began to have deja vu constantly. I could see the future happening. I was constantly afraid of dying in my sleep. I had double vision and vivid hallucinations when smoking pot for MONTHS after I stopped abusing inhalants.
I had double vision and vivid hallucinations when smoking pot for MONTHS after I stopped abusing inhalants.


In recent years, I've had a good support system, and I can't really get away with smelling like solvents. But every now and then, I have a little relapse. I like it a lot, and it takes a lot of will power to stop myself. It takes a long time to get over the psychological addiction as well.

I was contemplating getting ripped off the stuff today, so I decided to write about it instead. If you're in the throes of addiction, I feel your pain. Just know that it does get better the longer I abstain. The high can be incredibly enlightening, and I may feel a lingering sense of amazement at the world around me. But when I continue to abuse inhalants, the magic quickly fades. I gotta take the hint.

I was baffled for so long - Why did Ether make gardens, children and power tools seem amazing? And then I got it. Its because these things ARE amazing. Our families, our tools, our hobbies - these are things we should cherish. Drugs may have led me to that conclusion, but only in the way that a near-death experience leads one to cherish life. (You don't do it every day.)

Just an acknowledgment that you are not alone. There are tons of us. We have been there. We have had personal experiences that touched us deeply. It was hard to say goodbye. It was so hard. Tears come to my eyes when I think about it.

But let me just say this - as hard as it is to stop using inhalants, its totally worth it. There is a whole world of awesomeness out there, and lots of people who are looking for someone like me, but they can't find me if I'm hiding under the porch having an imaginary conversation with a garden gnome.

So there you have it. This is a unique drug with a reverse tolerance that got me very very very high, but after prolonged use, the cost seriously outweighed any benefits.

Exp Year: 2007-2010ExpID: 89973
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 24 
Published: Nov 24, 2017Views: 3,734
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Inhalants (29) : Not Applicable (38), Post Trip Problems (8), Entities / Beings (37), Addiction & Habituation (10), Retrospective / Summary (11)

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Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
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