Citation: InnerExplorer. "Letting Go of All Spatial Self: An Experience with Methoxetamine, Hydergine, & Nitrous Oxide (exp89488)". Erowid.org. Feb 2, 2011. erowid.org/exp/89488
It all began when I opened up my P.O. box and found a small padded envelope sitting there, waiting. I knew what it was, and could not wait to open it and see if it was real. I went inside and opened it, revealing a small bag with a label reading '500 MG 2-(3-methoxyphenyl)-2-(ethylamino)cyclohexanone Regent Sample.' Though I knew it was irresponsible to dose without a scale, I also knew that MXE (as it is commonly abbreviated) was active in the 25-100 mg range, (and from reading other reports) reasonably safe, and that I could somewhat safely start out with very small eyeballed doses and work my way up. Also during this time, I was also taking 1600 mg piracetam and 1000 mg choline in the mornings sometimes supplemented with either Adrafinil or Hydergine to help with my ADHD. On this particular occasion, I had just gotten home from class at the university and decided to try it out.
I took out a knife, a dollar bill, and the small bag containing 500 mg methoxetamine and took out a small amount and put it on my desk. The powder was pure white, and had pretty small, visible granules. The amount I took out was small enough that I did not need to put it in a line to snort. I rolled up the note and up it went with little to no pain or burning. Instantly, I felt an exhileration and also fear. I remembered accidentally overdosing on Phenazepam because of not using a scale and worried. However, after 40 minutes or so, I was feeling a slight warm fuzzy feeling, my face was numb, and redosed two more small piles of MXE, totalling in what I would estimate to be 25 mg. After about 15 minutes or so, I felt incredibly warm, fuzzy, and somewhat disconnected from my body. I had never done dissociatives except for DXM, so for me this was a new feeling. I laid in my bed relaxing and listening to ambient music, watching images in my head of early Sociologial Theorists doing comical acts.
As the initial rush/experience wore off, I noticed I could walk around my room but I was robot-like. All my actions were first calculated and thought of in my head, and no unnecessary actions were made. I thought that this must be what it is like to be an android. My field of vision was very bright, and intense, the colors were very vibrant and it was hard to focus on any one thing. Its what I eventually started to call MXE Vision. During this first time, I redosed about two more times and at one point tricked one of my room mates to take it in a drink. Luckily I gave him little more than to make him feel 'heavy,' and he did not really notice. Reaching sobriety, I noticed I felt no hangover or real comedown. I also reflected on my experience and felt that it did not fully match the intensity of some of the reports I had read on online forums. I wanted to push the dose up but was scared that I might go overboard.
The following day, I went to class and when I returned I was feeling down. I ate some dinner and made plans to go to the library to study. Instead, I went back to my drawer and took out the MXE. I was somewhat scared and surprised that I was going back to it, almost fiending for it. I took out a considerably bigger amount of MXE (I estimate it to have been about 35 mg), put it in a line, and snorted it. I felt a similar effect as the previous day (although it was less intense), but I did not redose. After about two hours into the experience, I felt a very strong force telling me 'What the fuck are you doing? Rather than lying here vegetating, you could be reading all of the things you need to read for your classes! You are wasting your time.' So I got up, and though I was still feeling somewhat sedated, I had a very strong resolve to get to the library. The MXE effects were somewhat wearing off and this time I felt depressed. I felt most depressed because I realized that I was not keeping on top of my studies, and I needed to keep my priorities straight. I packed my bookbag, took a tablet of 4.5 mg Hydergine, did a quick test to see if my visual-spatial skills were ok enough for me to drive, and left my apartment. [Erowid Note:
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]
Surprisingly enough, I was able to drive cautiously, park, and go to the library (I live less than a mile from campus). When I got there and set down my books, I was incredibly surprised that I was actually doing what I was doing. But sure enough, I cracked open my books and started reading. I noticed the transition between the MXE and the Hydergine while reading, I was losing the slow-motion feeling and was getting into a more energized, and focused mode. However, I was not worried about how much work I had, I just stayed in the moment and read. The text was very well animated in my head, and I held a great amount of interest. I stayed there reading for about two hours, after which time I completed all that I needed to and set off to return home. Driving back, I felt like I was ALMOST at baseline. There was still a small bit of effect that I felt was still coming from the MXE. There was a trippiness to the air.
Arriving home, I saw that one of my room mates had three guests over, and they were extremely high, packing a bowl and smoking in turns around a table. They were considerably loud and I watched for a little while, somewhat amused by their ridiculous conversation and actions. I wanted to go to sleep, but they were making too much noise. I retreated to my room and started reading some MXE reports. I kept finding reports that were incredible mind-blowing experiences. I was determined that I would up the dose and have some faith that my eyeballing skills were ok. And then I also had an idea. I read on a forum of someone saying that MXE and Nitrous were a good combination, so I decided what I would do.
I left briefly, drove to a nearby 24 Hours Walmart Marketplace and bought two cans of whipped cream. I knew that this was an inefficient source of Nitrous, but I only really needed two good hits of nitrous to get what I wanted. Returning back to my place, I placed the cans in my mini-fridge and sat down at my desk. I took out my bag of MXE, my keys, and a bill. I decided to use a key to measure out doses because the knife was too big for the small bag and it also was removing smaller amounts of the substance. I took out two generous key bumps and put them on the table, licking the key to get the excess off. I then took a card and cut a line. I would estimate that this line contained about 50-75 mg of MXE. I then put on some chillout music and blew the line. As before, there was little to no burn as I blew it, and a little rush of anticipation. I set a stopwatch on my phone so I could keep track of where I was in my trip. While I waited on the comeup, I decided to open one of the cans of whipped cream and did a nitrous hit. I felt the familiar wah-ing of everything and the dissociation was increased to a degree by the comeup of the MXE. I knew that this would be a great combination when the right time came.
After 7 minutes had passed since I blew the line, I decided to do one more, just to be sure that I broke through. I promised that if I broke through this time, I would give the MXE a break. So I cut up another line that also was in the 50-75 mg range and blew it, bringing me to a total of about 100 mg or so of MXE. Keep in mind also that I was on Hydergine. I do not know if this significantly affected the experience or not, I will be trying this combination again in the future to see if it did.
After waiting half an hour and enjoying the warm, fuzzy feelings of the comeup that were very much like a good dose of morphine, I decided it was time to take the nitrous hit. I took out the second can of nitrous, opened it, and readied myself. I felt that I was at the end of the comeup and would soon be in the very sedated, disassociative state of MXE. At a very euphoric point in the chillout song I was listening to, I decided that it was my cue. I exhaled, put my mouth on the can, tilted the nozzle and breathed in the nitrous, taking as big a hit as possible before I found whipped cream in my mouth. I put the can to the side and closed my eyes.
Within seconds I felt as if I was not my body, my body was not me. I felt cradled by the music, and I felt as if I had done the perfect thing at the very perfect and exact moment. Everything came together to produce a high almost undescribable. I could no longer feel my body. I was not 'I.' I was merely falling down, down, down, into the vast black hole of my mind. I made sure to continue breathing evenly, as I knew sometimes people forget to breathe on dissociatives, and let go. I literally felt my whole self be turned into a kind of play-doh putty, and I was morphing and moving with the music. Sometimes it would feel as if I was floating on waves, like my bed was a water bed and someone was making wake on it, other times, I felt like I was being folded in half and wrapped in a gigantic fluffy blanket warmer than any God could ever create. It felt like centuries that I journeyed with an intergalactic race which taught me that mass is merely an illusion, and that they lived in a dimension where there is no form. There is only the control of the environment through the mind. Once I was well into this experience, I found that by thinking of opening my mouth, for example, the mouth inside my mind would open and therefore morph everything around me and I would be brought to another place.
I met two articulate entities throughout this experience as well. The first was what I called 'The Grand Poo-Bah.' Though it is now somewhat comical, and I thought it to be somewhat comical at the time, 'he' was like the entity that was guiding my non-spatial self through this physics-defying world. I remember telepathically communicating to him to be careful with any transformations done to my back, as I have two pinched nerves. He seemed to acknowledge this because although I felt forceful morphism happening to every other part of my body, it seemed as though my back was kept in beautiful alignment throughout the journey. The other entity I met was a young woman. I met her in a room made entirely of play-doh-like fuzzy material. It seemed perfectly normal and describable at the time but now it seems totally alien and strange to me. I was perched up at the top of the room which had a circular orientation, and my body was literally nowhere to be found. I was merely my head, watching what went underway. When I looked down, there was this young woman, or what I think to be a young woman looking up at me. In time to the music, she swooped up close to my face and was speaking. I realized after a few minutes that she was speaking the words of the song I was listening to. Seconds later, it felt like I was being smoothed out, turned inside out and around, and moving to another place. This transitionary period happened over and over again, and all the tactile hallucinations going on were exactly timed with the music. In the pauses in the music, there would be the intermediary effect of the water bed, where I felt like my whole body was wobbling with the ripples made by some unknown force.
Eventually, I had a very strong need to go to the bathroom. When I got up and checked the time, I thought for sure it would have been two hours at the least that I had been soaring through putty-land. However, the timer read that I had only been in the experience for about an hour and a half. I was able to walk to the bathroom, urinate, change the music and return to my bed without any major disorientation. Upon returning to my bed, I decided I would try to fall asleep, and did so very easily.
Upon waking up the next day, I felt totally fine. No hangover, no feeling of depression, if anything, I felt something of an afterglow and was ready to get up and get things done.
Over all, I would say this is a very interesting compound. I have had experience with many substances including Marijuana, JWH-018, Kratom, Kava, Cocaine (very few times), 2C-B, 2C-C, 2C-E, 2C-P, MDMA, MDA, bk-MDMA, LSD, Mushrooms, and Morphine (once); I have to say though that never, in the history of my drug use, have I had an experience with effects as this. I literally felt like I was in another world, a totally different dimension with its own laws of physics. I also wish that I had used a scale in order to be more accurate in my doses, but my scale had been confiscated. I do not think it was responsible to not use a tool of measurement for my doses. In this, I was very stupid, especially with a chemical of this magnitude. I have never done ketamine, but I don't think I ever will, as this is by far the best dissociative experience I could ask for. The addiction and abuse potential for this one is at a 6/10 I'd say, because I definitely have thought about doing it pretty often but at the same time have been able to keep myself from doing it because of the time commitment. It is important to be responsible when trying new substances and always start low. I hope that this report can provide some insight into the possible effects of methoxetamine and the capabilities of the mind.
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