Citation: Bonsai Amazing. "6 Months Later: An Experience with JWH-018 (exp89414)". Erowid.org. Feb 25, 2011. erowid.org/exp/89414
Follow up to my prior post-My First Week of Bliss. It has been 6 months of abusing, and all I can say now is why did I ever even try it? At first it was awesome to be able to get high again. How true my thoughts of how this was too good to be true would come to be. I started off with low doses, and I was lucky (or maybe not so lucky now that I look back on it) to not have a negative experience at first. I made my own blend (Marshmallow leaf and JWH-018), and it was just like being able to smoke cannabis again. The problem was I was enjoying it too much. 8-10 times a day, every day just as I did with cannabis. I wasnít experiencing negative effects, in fact positive effects. I wasnít tired like with cannabis, I didnít get the munchies, I wasnít having troubles eating, sleeping, functioning. It was awesome. It was Bliss.
After the first couple months, I started waking in the night with urges to get up and smoke. I wouldnít allow myself to do this, because I knew it was signs of addiction coming on. Like everyone else, my tolerance skyrocketed (another sign of addiction). I was smoking the herb blend, and at first one hit was just right. Then it would take 2 hits, then 4 hits, then 6. I stopped the herb, and went back to the powder because it was just taking too much herb, it was taking too much time to get high, and it smelled so I couldnít do it anywhere. I thought that I would buy more, and make a stronger batch to accommodate for my tolerance build up. Smoking amounts 10-20 times the size of when I first started. I was smoking in bathrooms, in my car, at home with others around. Because there was no smell, nobody noticed. I bought 5 more grams with the intention of making a stronger blend. I just kept smoking the powder though. I figured that If I did make a stronger batch, it would just be a matter of time before it would become ineffective.
Higher and higher doses each time. I was still maintaining myself so far, and I wasnít allowing myself to recognize that I might be acquiring a seriously dangerous habit. I wasnít having negative effects. So this went on up until a few weeks ago. I started realizing I couldnít function unless I smoked. I would wake up, and until I smoked I was nervous, agitated, cranky. By the end of the day I would be going to bed early. I was noticing that doses in the morning were stronger than doses in the evening. About a month ago I read a post about effects, and related to someone saying that ďtheir interests in hobbies were going away.Ē I wasnít noticing it until I read it, and it was probably the first real big light inside my head that said WTF. I started to become extremely tired after dosing, to the point that I had to nap. Got to the point that I would smoke in the morning, smoke again mid morning, and by lunch sneaking away to take a nap for 2 hours. Not good. Over the weekend it was smoke, veg, sleep, wake, repeat. I loved it, but I knew it wasnít healthy for me. Ok, so feeling sleepy was getting worse, but I can handle it. It will get better. I can handle it. It will get better. I can handle it. I can handle it. Yea right.
A couple weeks ago I started noticing that I was having troubles eating. I would be hungry, I would sit down to eat, and after the first bite, I would just lose my appetite. At first I would be able to forcibly finish the meal, but as time went on it just got harder and harder to the point I would eat what I could just to get some sustenance in my stomach. For the past 2 weeks this has been going on, along with diarrhea, and I compare it to Meth abuse in that I just donít want to eat. I hoped it would go away, but it hasnít. For the past week I have been eating once a day, and maybe 10 oz of food. Along with this has come the shakes, fogginess, short term memory dysfunction, agitation. I have lost some weight which is good, but this is not a healthy way to do so. I think I am constantly dehydrated.
Monday I told myself I have a problem and need to stop. Continued to smoke all day. Feelings of guilt and fear that I canít stop. How did I get myself into this?
Tuesday, smoked in the morning after dueling it out with my better half, and felt like shit the rest of the day (shakes, fogginess, nausea, agitation, chills). Smoked at lunch, and felt a little better but still couldnít eat. Smoked again before bed, so I would fall asleep. At least I was able cut back, and wasnít just giving in. This sucks big time.
Wednesday I woke up, and after fighting the urge, smoked a little bit. Felt like shit, shakes, fogginess, feelings of will I make it through this? Didnít smoke the rest of the day except for 1 hit. The single hit did help, but certainly didnít last. When I got home from work, I passed out and woke a couple times in the night. Puked one of those times. Luckily able fall back to sleep.
Wednesday I woke up and I felt like total shit. Shakes, restlessness, nervousness, couldnít eat. Was able to not smoke first thing in the morning for the first time in months. Took 2 hits at lunch but I know this is not helping. Donít know how I made it through the day. Got home and puked what I tried to eat. Went to bed. Off and on sleeping.
Thursday same feelings of complete shit, but worse. Couldnít call out sick, had to go to work. It was a tremendous struggle to make it through the day. Co-workers were telling me I didnít look good, and that I should go home. Made it through this day without smoking once, which I canít believe I did. When I got home, I wanted to so much smoke but I kept telling myself that I am in some serious shit, and I need to pull myself out. If I smoke I wonít get through this. I didnít think I would be able to sleep. I laid down at 9, and tossed and turned. Was able to fall asleep, but I would wake up every hour. Midnight I got up and smoked a cig and went back to bed. 2 AM got up and went to the bathroom. 3 AM got up and had a horrible muscle spasm in my leg. Lasted about 10 minutes. I havenít had one of those in over 10 years. Got up and smoked a cig. Slept until 5, tossed and turned then got up at 6.
Friday, feeling a little better than yesterday, but still the same feelings just not as intense. Some are coming and going. Didnít smoke this morning, but I brought it with me. I hope I can stay away from it all day today. I might actually be able to each a lunch today. I might actually feel a little better this afternoon if I can eat something.
So this is where I am at currently. The past 2 weekends was nothing but smoke, veg, sleep, repeat. This weekend is going to be tough for me. Maybe I should flush what I have left. I am going to try and lick this first, because I still would love to be able to partake 1-2 times per week. I just canít let my fiendish self take over again. I am smarter than I was then. I am guessing anyone that has ever gone through withdrawals are laughing at what I just wrote. This is my first time with them. Never had them with cannabis. Similar feelings with other drugs, but I was never able to partake in them for a long enough period of time to have serious withdrawals - because of access and mainly $$$. I donít have this with JWH-018, and it scares me big time.
I thought it was going to scheduled, and began to think I donít have choice in quitting, but the DEA has not taken the official step to schedule them yet.
I wouldnít wish what I am going through on anybody. Either moderation or stay away from it. Canít honestly say if I will be able to use in moderation. If not, it was an experience that I will be glad is behind me. If I can, yippee. Until Probation is over...
[Reported Dose: 10-20 mg smoked]
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