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Seemingly Perfect Truly a Burden
4-Methylmethcathinone
by recovering
Citation:   recovering. "Seemingly Perfect Truly a Burden: An Experience with 4-Methylmethcathinone (exp88855)". Erowid.org. Aug 29, 2018. erowid.org/exp/88855

 
DOSE:
  repeated IV 4-Methylmethcathinone

BODY WEIGHT: 110 lb


I originally tried 4-Methylmethcathinone for the first time at the age of sixteen, and being an intravenous drug user I decided to shoot the mephedrone – about .3 of a gram – without thinking twice. As soon as I loosened my belt and pulled the syringe out of my arm, an unforgettable chemical gas rushed up my throat and my body began to feel as if it were pulsating orgasmic sensations throughout. The sensations were so intensely pleasurable that I immediately began to moan. I felt so amazing simply being. I became truly empathetic toward myself and those around me. Riding in a friend’s car with the music blasting, I thought that I had found exactly what I had been missing in life. Little did I know that this drug would potentially take my life…

From that night forward, I had not been able to put the drug down for over a year. This drug is instantly addicting. After experiencing mephedrone, euphoric recall of the high was nearly impossible to ignore and so began the chase for that unattainable first high. I have witnessed so many beautiful souls get on their knees and dig their own graves for this drug, and I had been one of those people. I am an addict and I had been long before I first tried mephedrone, but no other drug had caused me to so willingly dive off of the deep end – and never had I expected it to happen so fast. I recall spending days on end repetitively redosing, never able to get high enough.
I recall spending days on end repetitively redosing, never able to get high enough.
Never had I imagined it possible to become so completely powerless over a drug, never upon the first hit. I dropped to around 90 lbs. and I looked like a skeleton covered in a thin layer of skin. I want to say that I was hopeless, but I was not. Through it all, hope always remained – hope that I could somehow reach the point of ‘high enough’ that I was shooting for. Soon enough, I tried to kill myself with this drug, but for some reason I was meant to live.

It is in fact a beautiful, eye-opening experience, however, that is the illusion of the drug. I often called mephedrone the ‘Devil’s Candy’ for this exact reason. That first high reeled me in and wouldn't let you go. I never achieved that first high again. It is a memorable experience to move on from. From my experience and from my knowledge of the experiences of loved ones also addicted to this drug, immediately following the first high is a downward spiral. If you are addicted to mephedrone, it is possible to break free – you only have to want it.

As a conclusion, this is the most addictive drug I have come across in my life. I am also a recovering heroin addict, but mephedrone was the drug that strangled me. At the young age of sixteen, I was shooting this drug in my high school bathroom merely days after first trying it. Please note that the route of administration is not an important factor.

Years later, I am now clean from mephedrone and I have broken out of its grasp. In my early recovery, I often despised myself for ever trying mephedrone, and then I despised myself for all-knowingly using it the second and the third time – leading me to my addiction. However, I am now happy. I now know my true self, instead of the stranger that my mephedrone-induced delusional mind came to think I was. This drug (a temptress and a murderer) ultimately produces pain, rather than the euphoria discovered upon its first use.

Exp Year: 2009-2010ExpID: 88855
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 17 
Published: Aug 29, 2018Views: 1,738
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4-Methylmethcathinone (458) : Unknown Context (20), Addiction & Habituation (10), Retrospective / Summary (11)

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