Citation: Cynosure. "Gremlins Grin: An Experience with Morning Glory (Organic Heavenly Blue) (exp88792)". Erowid.org. Mar 5, 2011. erowid.org/exp/88792
I had been fasting for over 8 hours.. time was moving so slowly that I began to think my package would never arrive. I checked the clock every twenty minutes for about five hours. Three o'clock rolled around and the package was finally laying on my doorstep.
I had everything prepared for my extraction. My room was darkened to the point where I had to let my eyes adjust before beginning. I wrapped a large, sanitized glass jar in foil. I ripped open my package, threw all 1,500 organic heavenly blue morning glory seeds into the grinder and laid waste to them. It took a while, about 20 minutes, as I was cautious of the blades overheating and destroying the lovely chemicals. I transferred the tan powder to the empty glass jar, filled it with .75L of water and a couple hefty squirts of lemon juice. I shook the jar vigorously and threw it the fridge.
I got dressed and put myself together. I shook the mixture every fifteen minutes, about two times before getting ready to leave. I transferred the jar to a cooler filled with ice and water, packed up my car and headed out. I picked up S and we drove to D's house an hour away, both S and D, who knew nothing of the substance, were joining me on this journey. As I drove, I asked S to shake the container every fifteen minutes. I'd guess that the mixture was shaken at least six times--but no more than nine--over a period of two hours.
We arrived at D's house at about five o'clock. We set up three different straining stations in a dark room and divided the mixture evenly among the stations. The mixture was a lot thicker, more goopy than I had imagined. After checking the levels every few minutes, we realized that the filtering process was taking way too long. We ran out to Target to purchase a strainer with bigger filter holes. Using the new strainer, I mashed the mixture through the strainer and shook it quickly from side-to-side to speed things up. I ran a bit more water over the mixture and filtered that. At six o'clock, we were left with a decently sized bowl of dark green liquid and another bowl of goopy seed mixture.
We divided the liquid evenly into three parts and put a few spoonfuls of seeds into each of our drinks. The taste wasn't awful, S mentioned that it reminded him of really weak hot chocolate, D agreed. I thought it tasted a bit like wheat grass. The texture of the seeded drinks were awful. Seeds kept getting stuck in my mouth and throat which resulting in a lot of coughing and a bit of gagging. Any who, we downed our cupfuls fairly quick and decided that we might as well eat some of the seeds for full effect. We filled our cups back up with water and plopped a few more spoonfuls of seed goop into them.
I finished consuming all of my seed at 18:07. I made my way to our 'trip space' and sat on a chair in the corner to say my thanks (silently, of course) to the seeds and universe. I set the goals that I had for this trip: to figure out “time” and how it ticks, and possibly examine some of my personal traits.
All of the reports that I've read said the effects take about two hours to start noticing; I'm not sure if they didn't prepare the seeds correctly or if they hadn't been fasting, but I started feeling my body get heavy at about 40 minutes in. I could feel my legs and arms both tightening. It felt as if the seed was trying to shrink my body. I felt a little nauseas, but it wasn't too overpowering. S and D smoked some spice (they had been eating prior) and weren't feeling anything at this point.
At about one hour after ingestion, I decided that I would get a glass of water. I stood up (bad idea) and didn't make it two steps before I had to run to the toilet. I puked a bit, although not violently, and surely not all of the mixture. I got my water and returned to the chair. S and D thought I was ridiculous for puking already. I returned to my chair. At this point, I was feeling extremely weird. My legs tightened more and my hands and arms started tingling on the outside. The tingling of my hands and arms felt extremely cool, but was a bit frightening at the same time. I had never felt anything like this before. I kept my cool and suspected it to be a side effect of the seed known as vasoconstriction. It felt as if someone had sat on both of my arms for a long time, got up, and now both of my arms were in the deepest, most tingling sleep ever. The nausea was pretty bad at this point, and D and S still weren't feeling anything. I put my head between my knees for a few minutes and tried to distract myself from the sickness, but couldn't keep it down any longer. I got up and ran to the toilet to puke again.. this time violently. I puked up just about all of the seed. It was only 19:20, just an hour and twenty minutes past ingestion.
I returned, again to my chair, and could hear D and S whispering to each other about how ridiculous I was. Little did they know. They both fixed something to eat (even against my advice) and continued to play video games. As I was sitting in the chair my perspective started morphing. The lights all seemed very bright and seemed to have an extra glow around them. I began noticing patterns all around me, on the floor, the walls, the desk, the chair.. almost identical to my first experience with mescaline (40g Peruvian torch) but not quite as intense or colorful. Time began to slow-down. I continued to sit and observe my current state. At about 19:30 I asked the others if they had any effects yet; they still weren't feeling anything but a bit heavy.
I stood up and noticed all objects started to have this peculiar glow about them.. almost as if I was having double vision, but in a cool, ghostly, psychedelic way. I got lost in the patterns of the floor and realized that the television was annoying me. I walked across the room and plugged my headphones into the giant stereo. My journey had begun.
As soon as the ear buds touched the inner workings of my ear, my brain had an orgasm. I leaned against the wall, with my legs crossed, and the biggest smile I've ever had floated across my face. From the right corner of my lip to the left corner.. as if some little seed gremlin had ran by and painted it on. I couldn't wipe the paint off my face. I focused on the patterns of the floor and walls all while thinking how great this experience was about to be. The indigo aura of the room (produced by a clock on the wall) kept its color, but the light on the floor and objects were yellow, purple, pink, and blue. They were obvious hallucinations and it took me a minute to realize there's no way the indigo light could be projecting these soft colors on the ground. The seed gremlin extended my grin and I looked to my friends and gave them two thumbs up.
I got up to refill my glass of water and the other's still weren't 'feeling' the effects yet. I picked up an orange and a paper towel and strolled back to the room. I sat in the corner where my journey and a bad feeling swept over my body. The lights on this side of the room were all off.. it was bright, looked dirty, and felt extremely uncomfortable. There wasn't any anxiety, I just felt strange. I hopped out of the chair and returned to the wall near the clock and plugged myself back into the stereo. I instantly felt better and realized that this was probably where I would spend most of my trip. I peeled the orange and the paper towel caught my eye. The highlight colors of the towel were bright yellow and blue, they would change to purple and pink in a specific rhythm. I balled the paper towel up, threw it in the air, laid it out on the ground, and played with it in ways you couldn't imagine doing so with simple sheet of paper. The wrinkles of the towel started dancing around.. but I couldn't focus on one specific wrinkle. Every time I would try to focus on one wrinkle to examine it, it would melt away and form into a batch of new winkles that I would change focus to, only to have the same thing happen. It's as if the seed gremlins were playing dirty tricks on my eyes.
I unplugged myself from the stereo and enjoyed my orange on a comfy chair next to my spot on the wall. I conversed with the others a bit. D was eating a burger and S was fooling with the xbox. At this point, they were still denying feeling anything, but I could sense that it wasn't the truth. D would take a bite of his burger, put it down on the table, look around, say something to S, then pick it back up and repeat. S kept fooling with the Xbox.. it looked like he was extremely confused and couldn't get it open. After a few minutes, he handed it off to D. D fixed it and came to the realization that he was finally tripping. He finished his burger and laid down on the couch. S loaded and game and began to play. They both watched the TV, so I plugged myself back into the stereo.
Thoughts floated into my mind, slithered down my throat, splashed around in my stomach, then exited my feet.. I was definitely starting to come up. We decided to take a smoke break and headed outside. It was extremely cold, but the parking lot seemed so different than normal. Everything was more vibrant, light-filled, and comforting. D's girl called and he walked with is dog to let it urinate. S smoked, played with his yo-yo, and retreated back inside due to the cold. I headed out to D and we decided to take a walk around the building. We observed the environment and followed his dog. When we came back around the building, we decided to head inside. D mentioned that it was only 19:55.
We chilled inside for a while. D and I talked while S continued to play his game. Thoughts came spiraling at me more and more quickly. I took a trip to piss and look at myself in the mirror. The colors inside the toilet bowl were green and yellow (no, not the normal color yellow of my piss). I stood in front of the mirror while focusing on different parts of my face. I looked extremely alien.. but could still recognize myself. My face looked as if I had tons of acne all over it (I don't have acne). The gremlins were pulling on my skin and bones! As I looked into my dilated eyes, my cheek bones, ears, hair, nose, and chin would constantly morph into different shapes thus making me look like a completely new person every second. I amused myself for a few minutes and headed back to the trip space.
D had gotten his laptop out and we began to watch a trippy video. I found that if I focused on the video extremely hard I would get OEV's on the laptop and the surrounding room. There weren't many OEV's up until this point. They came in waves as my attention focused on, and broke from, the video. I leaned back in my chair and enjoyed the video for quite a while. I turned the stereo up louder to accompany the mood.
S was watching television at this point. The sounds from the television were battling the sounds from the stereo. It sounded like war. D mentioned that it was only 21:30. I could tell that the clock was ticking slower, but it wasn't something I wanted to pay attention to. S turned up the TV and mentioned that he liked the sound of them both together. It was quite annoying, but I was able to let it go. We all talked about the giant grin and how we couldn't stop smiling--those pesky gremlins!
I asked the others how they were holding up and offered them water as I refilled mine yet again. I returned to my chair and reclined it back. I stared into a mirror to my left. The seed gremlins were back, but this time they had completely stolen my physical body. I was lost in my own eyes. OEV's took over my field of vision and green/yellow patterns and fractals were all over the mirror. I don't really know how long I was here, but there weren't any thoughts.. I had completely let go. I eventually snapped out of it and returned upright. D confessed to me that he was going crazy. I chuckled and asked him what he meant. He repeated that he was going crazy. Afraid I was going to lose him to a bad trip, I replied with, “Yes you are! This is what you wanted, right? It's why you ate the seed. This is it man.. enjoy it!” I could see relief in his eyes.. he responded with: “Oh, yeah!” and laid back into the couch to watch videos. Unfortunately, this relief was very short-lived.
S and I wanted another cigarette. We offered one to D, but he said that he just couldn't. I could feel that he was losing it, but wasn't sure of how to help him hold on. He really didn't want to come out to smoke, so we left him inside. S and I sat outside and enjoyed each others vibes. We looked up the sky and I could see that the seed gremlins were now frolicking in the sky! The clouds were going crazy.. I don't really know how to transfer what I saw into words, but I guess the best way to explain it would be a kaleidescope of clouds. It seemed like the world at this point was made of 2-D layers stacked on top of each other (like, one layer was earth, one layer held the trees, another was the sky, and another was the stars beyond the clouds). S and I walked to the end of the building while we smoked. I found myself getting lost in the patterns of just about everything I saw at this point. The gremlins were taking over the world; I realized that I was either peaking or getting really damn close.
We both headed back inside. S sat on the couch and I realized that D was no longer in the trip room. I headed back to D's room to see if he was doing alright. He was fucked. I asked him how he was holding up.. he repeated that he was going crazy. I let him know that he was doing just fine and asked him if he wanted to come back out to the trip space with us. He refused, so I let him be and returned to my chair. I sat here for a few minutes just thinking and observing my surroundings. The flag on the wall was swaying it's infamous psychedelic sway. I decided to check on D once more before I laid down to explore my mind. I walked in and asked him if he was still doing alright. He responded with “HOLY SHIT IT'S ONLY BEEN 10 MINUTES”. I knew exactly where he was (as something similar happened to me on LSD). I chuckled, asked him if there was any way I could help him. He responded with “No, I'm just going crazy”. I let him know that he would return to normal soon and let him be. I returned to the trip space.
I asked S how he was doing, he gave me a thumbs up so I plugged in my headphones and laid down next to the wall and closed my eyes. The CEV's were insane. They were morphing and changing too quickly for me to keep up or focus on any particular part of them. I decided that it was time for me to return to my set goals as I've had quite a bit of fun. The music carried me away and I followed my thought stream.
I posed the question “What is time?” to myself. I won't go through every thought that I had during this excursion, but I started off with the prenotion that time was something created by humans (a conclusion I worked to in my sober life). I worked weaved my way through thoughts came to a point where I imagined life as a squirrel in a tree, but with all of my human concepts intact. I sat in the tree as a 'humanoid-squirrel' and tried to figure out what to do first. I asked myself “What do I want? Food?” This sparked a side-cart of thoughts as I countered myself with “Why do I want something?”.. “what is wanting?”.. “well, wanting is another concept that I have..” so I returned to my squirrel form with the concept of “want” stripped from my pool of knowledge. This went on and on and I stripped more and more concepts from my pool.
At one point I was just a squirrel running around aimlessly reacting to any entity that came into my field of vision (ahh-- the blissful life). I lived my life as a squirrel for sometime and it seemed to make a lot of sense. I came to realize that this is all there is to life.. everyday I do the same thing that I have been doing as this squirrel with no concepts, only I'm stocked with useless layers thrown on top to distract me and filter out all of the entities that should be catching my attention. As I lived on as an in-the-moment squirrel, the concepts of my old self slowly came back--I encountered them one by one. After this enormous process, I came to the thought that time didn't exist when I was a squirrel with no concepts.. not once did I think about time, seconds, minutes, days, the past, the future, I was always acting in the moment. I thought more and more and found myself repeating some thoughts/actions to make complete sense of them and to see if I would come to a different, more reasonable conclusion.
I finally came to the conclusion that I, me, this guy, was the creation of time. I went over my thoughts again and couldn't come to any other conclusion. I went back through each of the concepts that had been brought up earlier and eventually realized that I was the source of all of them. In those concepts, was 'worry', 'expectation', 'anxiety', etc. I realized that through the night I was worrying about D. It hit me, that I am also the source of this worrying. I saw that “D would still be where he is now, regardless of whether or not I worry”. I went back to time, and realized that time wasn't necessary either.. if there was no concept of time, everything would still be where it is. After going through a few more concepts and realizing that the world would be the same whether or not these things went on inside of me, 'I' was finally brought into question.
I asked myself “So then, why am I here? If these concepts aren't necessary why am I necessary?” I worked through more thoughts and realized that without “me” the world would be running exactly the same, except I wouldn't have stress and have to worry. “Wait a second, if I'm gone there is no worrying.. and no stress.. at all!” All of the workings of these concepts and abstractions that I've been taught over the years were slowly breaking down before my eyes.
An inverted tree diagram appeared in 'my' mind (I've pictured it below) and at the top was my consciousness without any concepts-it was labeled as most basic, or 'normal' in my vision. I realized that I started at the point in the tree. I saw that I had slowly been working myself, with the aid of other humans, with these concepts, down the tree, straying further and further from 'normal' consciousness. I found my place in the tree and visually began working myself backwards. As I climbed myself up the tree, all of these concepts were being thrown away before my eyes. I could no longer describe “love”, “hate”, “meaning”, “worry”, “anxiety”, or anything truthfully. I made it to the top of the tree and something just clicked. There was no more thinking and the seed gremlins were ecstatically back flipping in my mind.
**CAN'T POST PICTURE TO EROWID.. SORRY GUYS**
I don't know how long my thoughts stopped, exactly.. but I felt an extreme rush of euphoria. In this time, I can't explain how, but everything just made sense. It's hard to find the words to explain it as I had no concepts at that time, and no thoughts really. There was still a voice, but it was no longer my voice.. maybe the gremlins were now speaking for me? I just knew things. I knew that this was all there was to life.. that the universe was feeding me extreme amounts of energy.. that this was bliss. I saw an object in the distance, zoomed into it, broke it down into it's pieces, it broke down further and further until it was an atom, then the atom split, and the pieces of the atom split and I was lost in an infinite void of all of these particles. Again I can't explain how, but I just knew that these particles had to eventually be broken down enough to where they were just some form of energy. It hit me that everything in the universe must be made of this same substance.. and that everything that exists is made of the same thing.. that everything is equal. The gremlins repeated, “Just be! ..this is it.”
My visual energy form, which took on the same position as I had been laying in, merged with the infiniteness and I was connected to a map of electric blue circles. I felt an even greater surge of euphoria flow through my hands, up, my arms, and into my head.
The seed gremlins had thrown me on their backs and carried me into an infinite void of bliss, but I knew I had to leave them.. I eventually returned from this infinite void. Almost immediately upon my return, my ego jumped back into action. It was less arrogant and less of a hassle than it was before this journey. I sat there for a while just putting the pieces together; I let everything that I had realized soak into my veins, my bones, my atoms, my being. I continued to lay there in peace; I felt extremely content. My thoughts were racing again at this point, but it seemed as if I was still disconnected from them.
I opened my eyes and came back to the world. The gremlin's grin was still on my face. S looked at me like I was holding some sort of treasure. I took my headphones and out retreated to the chair. I went over my experience, still content, and decided I should see how D's doing (but hey, there was no worry!). D was doing better and decided to come back out to hang with us. He explained that he went crazy in his room and felt like he was living a lifetime in two minutes. He mentioned how he was looking at the clock every 2 minutes exactly and every time he realized it was only 2 minutes, he would go even crazier. Poor guy!
The thoughts slowed down, and the comedown was beginning. We all just talked about random bullshit. D couldn't believe that this trip only cost us $14.00. I wanted to hear about their trips, but neither of them seemed to keen on talking about it. I could tell that D was still a bit anxious.. so I laughed with him to ease the atmosphere. We went outside to smoke another cigarette and hang out for a bit. We poked a bit of fun at D for retreating to his room like he did on LSD. He explained how exactly he went insane and admitted that it was the longest two hours of his life. He also said that his trip was more intense than LSD. In my opinion, the intensity wasn't as high as LSD, but it had a much better flow and level of friendliness. We continued to chill in our trip space, listening to fantastic music. It was 00:00 at this point.. only 5 hours into our trip. The fact that it was 00:00 re-administered a bit of euphoria from working through time in my experience. I returned to the on the floor next to the stereo. We all began to eat like starving children at this point.
While we were eating and enjoying ourselves, we stumbled upon a few good trip toys. I was disappointed while reading through the forums prior to this trip as the toys everyone was linking were random gadgets that you had to buy. D lit an incense and we noticed the tracer of light around the tip. We lit another and twirled them around in circles, amazed by the sight. The deep orange of the end of the incense fit perfectly with the back lit indigo of the room. The incense kept us occupied for a while. The shapes we could construct with the trails of light matched with the perfect colors were mesmerizing and serene. Another toy that I discovered later in the night was a metal die. It had 6 sides, I put it in the palm of my hand and was swirling it around.. at first it just felt amazing. As I kept on, I noticed that it seemed as if the dice weren't actually moving and that the number on the face closest to me was just swapping to another number. The metal reflected and refracted light from just about every angle. I also realized that I could hold opposite corners of the dice with different fingers and really fuck with my perspective. We passed random objects and toys around the room for a while and continued to converse.
Neither wanted to talk about their experiences, it seemed.
At about 2:00, we turned on the TV and began to watch random programs. D decided to go to his room and try to get some sleep. S was already out cold on the couch. I continued to sit in my chair and observe things. Occasionally I would lose myself in random thoughts. I continued to play and snack. At about 3:30 I decided to lower the music a bit and see if I could go to sleep. I couldn't. I stayed up all night fidgeting as I watched the gremlins pack their things and head home.
At 8:00 I decided to text D and see if we were leaving soon. I was no longer seeing the work of the gremlins (trails or hallucinations) but the world was definitely more vivid than baseline.
I felt sort of “off” the rest of the day. The afterglow was very pleasant, but it took me a minute to figure out how to complete simple tasks. I returned home at about 11:00 and my parents could immediately tell that I had been high the previous night. I talked to them for a bit and ate some food.
I stayed awake all day. The afterglow stuck around until I decided to go to bed. I slept for about 10 hours. I woke up feeling extremely refreshed and, once again, connected to the universe.
Overall, this was probably the best psychedelic trip I've had up to this point. It was way less harsh and confusing than LSD. It came on quicker than mescaline but with more nausea. Although it was less visual than both LSD and mesc, it was very serene and pleasant.
Ever since, worry, anxiety, or some concept that I can consciously control to keep myself from being thrown further down the tree, are easy to rid myself of by “re-experiencing” the moment where the universe and my energy form collided. I feel very connected and am excited to trip again.
I will wait a month or two to fully integrate this journey before indulging myself in morning glory again.
Thank you, seed gremlins!
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