Citation: platinumchief. "A Perfect First Roll: An Experience with MDMA (exp88534)". Erowid.org. Dec 5, 2012. erowid.org/exp/88534
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| T+ 2:00
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Past drug experience: I started drinking and smoking my senior year of high school (I’m now a sophomore in college) and have done both on and off frequently. I’ve also done salvia 3 times, with very positive results, and mushrooms twice, also with very positive results, which made me get more interested in trying more drugs, such as acid and MDMA.
My roommate had mentioned earlier in the week that he was going to a rave this weekend, so I asked if he was rolling. When he said that he was, I asked if I could get in on that and he was very excited to include me in his rave group, which would now be 7 people, including both of us, with only one other person I knew. I had never been to a rave before and had never done ecstasy before, so I was both excited and nervous about the experience.
I smoked almost two hours before we left, so I was still a little high when we piled into the car to drive to the rave. I was sitting in the trunk of an SUV with my roommate and the driver was driving (I thought) really fast and recklessly. This was starting to scare me, as I thought about how I wasn’t wearing a seat belt because I was in the very back of the suv, about how we had drugs on us if we were pulled over for speeding (which he was) and about the fact that I was going to do a drug that I had never tried before and that could potentially have some negative effects.
We got to the warehouse that was hosting the rave and parked and all 7 of us took our first pill. This was at approximately 8:45 pm. My roommate and his friends already had their tickets to the rave so they found the presale line and entered, with my roommate telling me to call him once I got in. I found the line I needed, for people without tickets, which was extremely long and settled in to wait.
As the line moved slowly and I got closer to the entrance, (T + 0:30), I started getting more and more anxiety. There were cops driving by and occasionally shining lights in our direction, lots of noise and people running around, and it was a pretty sketchy looking area. They say setting is everything with drugs and at this moment, I wasn’t comfortable alone where I was, I was worried about the effects of the drug and was pretty much convinced I would have a bad experience. I remember specifically thinking that I was stupid for doing this at night in a setting I didn’t know, and regretting not doing this during the day, in my room where I would feel comfortable. I also noticed that I was swaying back and forth in line pretty consistently, and I started wondering if this was the ex setting in or if it was normal for me to sway back and forth while standing in one place for a long time.
I finally got into the rave’s outside area (there were 3 stages, one outside, a larger one inside, and another one on the other side of the inside stage) at T: + 0:45 and started to walk towards where my roommate told me to meet him. At this point, I noticed the first concrete effects of the dose starting to kick in: walking felt very weird, as though I could feel the air that I was moving through. There was almost a slight resistance to the air around me, like being underwater but subtler. It was not dissimilar to being high. I filed this away for later and met up with my roommate and his friends. We were sitting on the ground near the front outside stage, close enough to feel some vibrations from the subwoofers. I could not honestly tell you what kind of music was playing, but I think it’s safe to say it was electronic or dance of some kind. It was danceable, that’s all that’s important.
We sat there for about 20 minutes relatively quietly as we slowly started to feel the effects of the initial dose (T+1:00). Someone, maybe me, maybe someone else, said something along the lines of “I feel really good,” to which the rest of us all said, in unison “Yeahhhhhh”. This continued for about 5 minutes, as each of us realized how GOOD we were all feeling. It was an incredible body high, the initial onset of the “Ecstasy” that gives the drug its name: we just all felt so GOOD! Someone eventually had the bright idea to go dance to the music, which sounded like a really great idea at the time, and we moved to the dance floor.
I’m not much of a dancer; I’m really too tall and awkward and uncoordinated to be a good dancer under normal or even alcohol-related conditions. But as we joined the growing number of people dancing in front of the outside stage, I didn’t feel awkward or uncoordinated. All I felt was that growing body high and growing feeling of GOOD that was being fed and amplified by the music. And the MUSIC! Good god, this was IT! This was EXACTLY what I wanted to listen to right now! And the BASS! Wow!
I probably said a lot of this out loud to my friends, who nodded and smiled and agreed with me. I was doing my usual nodding and swaying, which is typically as much dancing as I feel comfortable doing in public, and quickly progressing past it. I was really getting into this music and this dancing, and a quick look around assured me that everyone else was too and no one was even thinking about mocking my “poor” dancing. I abandoned all self-consciousness about dancing from this point forward.
After what seemed like a couple minutes, someone tapped me on the shoulder. It was Ashley, one of the girls in our group, the one besides my roommate that I knew before tonight. She motioned me to follow her out of the dance-area. Apparently, our group was taking a break. I was incredulous. We had just started dancing! And I was feeling so GOOD about dancing! Why would anyone want to stop dancing, even for a minute? And only minutes after we had started? Someone told me that it had been like 45 minutes. Oh. (T+1:45).
I sat for maybe 5 minutes, bobbing my head and swaying to the music, which was getting pretty unfreakingbelievable, and then I heard a familiar noise. It was the opening sounds to “Warp 1.9” by the Bloody Beetroots (the song that goes “One! Two! Woop! Woop!” and then gets really heavy), which I absolutely love, especially when high. I immediately knew that this song would wreck me in my current state, and I HAD to dance to it. I informed the group that I was going to go dance some more and Ashley immediately grinned and stood up to follow me. She was right on my level (I got the sense that maybe a couple of the others were having some issues adjusting to the come-up process and the rolling itself, but I wasn’t and I wanted to dance).
The song wrecked me. I lost my shit. I danced like I had never danced before. I texted my two closest friends that had rolled before (V and C), and told them what was up (the song and that I was rolling in general; V in particular had pushed me to try E and loved this song). I felt a sudden connection to them, because they had been exactly where I was now before and I understood where they were when they rolled. It’s hard to put into words, but anyone who has rolled before will understand what I mean: when you’re rolling, you want to ask people if they’re rolling so that you can smile at them and they can smile back, because you are both in the same place and you both completely understand how the other feels at this moment. It’s incredible.
At this point, I lose track of chronological order of things. I remember bits and pieces, but mostly I remember dancing. According to a text I sent to C, I took my second dose at around 10:45, which would be T+2:00, but time was a pretty fickle thing that night. I was still not at the peak of the first dose when I took the second (which I think is a good point to take another if you plan to, because then the peak of the first masks and hastens the come-up of the second) and I was feeling amazing at that point. I could have done anything. I loved everyone there. I could have hugged the world. It wasn’t a sense of “ecstasy” or straight up happiness like the name might imply; I wasn’t quite euphoric or giddy with happiness (although that was a part of it and I was pretty happy). I just felt as good as I’ve ever felt in my life, physically, mentally and everything else. And I wanted to dance.
I remember someone twirling glow sticks in someone’s face, as the glow stick-ee watched in amazement. I stood next to them, watching the colors spiral and jump around and run in and out of one another. It was mind-blowing. He finished with them and started spinning in my face. I could have watched the light show for hours. He eventually moved on to someone else and I thanked him profusely.
I remember moving inside to the big stage, which was crowded with people, all rolling, all dancing, all my new best friends. I instantly loved everyone there. I met a guy named “Hoopy” and we instantly bonded over our shared rolling. We were exactly on each other’s level. We exchanged names and phone numbers, because we already knew that we were friends.
I went back and forth between the front outside stage and the main stage inside for a while, texting people while I walked. I told people that I loved them. I saw people wearing soft, fuzzy hats and I walked up to them and rubbed their hats. They smiled and stopped moving so that I could rub their hat for a few seconds until I smiled, hugged them, thanked them and moved on. One person’s hat had fuzzy strings with a fuzzy poofball attached at the end hanging from the hat. I started to rub his hat and he took the fuzzy poofballs and rubbed my face and closed eyelids with them. It was mindblowing, the softest things I had ever felt.
There was some intensely dirty dubstep playing outside. I joined a circle of people going crazy near the stage. Every time a beat dropped, the circle would drop in unison, moving up and down to the slow, thunderous beat.
I remember moving back inside for what I think was a large portion of the night. I took my shirt off and tucked it into my shorts at some point, because it was getting sweaty and the fans that were blowing felt amazing on my bare skin. I’m not a shirtless kind of guy in public, I normally think that guys who walk around shirtless in public look like douches, but that night, I knew that no one would judge me and that I wouldn’t judge myself. This was a night for being free and abandoning everything to dance. Why wouldn’t I be shirtless?
I remember someone giving me a backrub. It was amazing enough for me to stop dancing for several minutes. I remember more glowsticks being twirled in my face. Someone had thrown really big balloon-like things into the crowd that would vibrate intensely with the beat. I pressed one against my face and felt the vibrations and it was unreal. Someone pressed one against my other check, so that my face was sandwiched between these two vibrating balloons. I could barely function. It was that intense and amazing.
I remember having to swallow my gum while dancing because I had literally chewed it apart. Not 10 seconds later, someone tapped me on the shoulder and handed me a piece of gum. I turned and thanked them and asked how they knew, because gum was exactly what I needed right then. He just smiled at me.
I remember eventually taking a piss break. I peed for like 40 seconds. I know this sounds weird, but it was literally the best piss I’ve ever taken. I remember telling my group this fact and they all agreed with me that peeing felt awesome.
I remember not having a care in the world. I remember feeling like there was nothing bad or evil in the universe. I remember feeling like the entire universe was sending me good vibes. I remember feeling connected with every person that had ever rolled. I remember feeling in love with the 7 people in my rolling group, especially Ashley who I danced with for a lot of the night, and Justin because of his role (no pun intended) in bringing me to this wonderful place. I remember feeling in love with V and C. I remember being in love with everyone I knew.
I remember other things too, but this is long enough already. Eventually the rave started to end and we left and returned home. I couldn’t believe that I had spent almost 6 hours there, just dancing and feeling great. It felt like 15 minutes.
I was still rolling, although I could tell that it was lessening, when I finally got back to my dorm. I looked at my eyes in the mirror and my pupils were incredibly dilated. I put on some music and had a one man dance party in my room. Eventually, I moved to my bed and just lay there, feeling the coolness of the AC, the softness of my sheets, and listening to the beautiful music. I lay there for a while before I eventually fell asleep.
The only negative effects the next day was the expected pain in my jaw from chewing gum way too hard all night and clenching my jaw. I’ll have to invest in a mouthguard thingy next time. I was a little out of it all day, too. But no real hangover, which I was thankful for.
I understand that people are cautious when it comes to certain drugs, and E is one of them. I can understand not wanting to try it because of worries about how it will affect you, not wanting to get addicted, not wanting to mess up your mind or whatever. That is all perfectly sound reasoning and I respect it. But it would make me happy if every person in my life that I loved tried E just once and had an experience as wonderful as mine. I want everyone I care about to feel as amazing as I did that night. I know this won’t happen and can’t happen, and I’m okay with that. But if I ever get a text from someone I know that reads like the ones I sent out that night (“Rolling. Rave. Love you.”) then I will be incredibly happy.
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