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You Can't Handle the Truth
by Drew
Citation:   Drew. "You Can't Handle the Truth: An Experience with LSD & DMT (exp88428)". Feb 7, 2016.

  70 mg vaporized DMT (powder / crystals)


This is a very long report; you just gotta read it all to get it at all.

I've been searching for the answer to a few big things; like how everything exists, what forever is, what is beyond this reality, who we are, purpose, is this a creation, what am I and how am I conscious, etc. And after a life of thinking and wondering and analyzing and theorizing, I realize there is a block on our consciousness and thinking, that will only let us go so far when trying to comprehend the existence of everything to a point (within this reality), before automatically retracting our ability to perceive the answer, even question wholly. This spawns a whole new question, why and how does this block exist (this question is my new focus until I find the answer, which will most likely, if I ever find it, need an answer to the answer)... well, I've learned some answers (not before I unlearned) that I knew existed (absolute truths) deep inside, but couldn't wrap my mind around them in this state of being to perceive and understand. Before my DMT experience, I pondered on universal truths with the problems above, and did not know if we would ever become enlightened, even after death.

The only tryptamines I've done are psilocybin about a dozen times and Ayahuasca once before this experience.

In order to express something you must first perceive it in the reality you intend to express it in. Which is why I'm about to unsuccessfully explain my DMT trip to you. :p

At best I can simply half-way explain PART of this thing/event/everything that happened as a lot of it would be a waste of effort to try and explain. The best analogy I could think of:

Infinity = Dictionary definition of infinity

'Infinity'= DMT infinity/s; the incomprehensible previously unperceivable truths and realizations shown by the DMT experience equivalent to the infinity of this 'normal' state of reality, except wholly perceivable in the DMT state.

Take infinity. So, we know infinity exists in this reality, we are certain, but we cannot perceive what it is, right? To know something exists without being able to perceive it is compelling enough. DMT enables me to simultaneously enter a completely different state of being previously unknown to existence whilst becoming one with everything that is happening and is being, thus completely comprehending and perceiving these new 'infinities' and the world the 'infinities' exist in in their entirety, all at the same moment. This is just one poor attempt at expressing a part of it, it's something you have to experience.

The pre-DMT moments~

It was a Saturday night and my friend and I dropped some good acid at a rave, having never tripped at a rave, or with more than a few people for that matter, I quickly realized hundreds of faces and voices + pounding EDM (electronic-dance-music) + LSD= super anxiety, so we bargained a ride home early. The bargain- we had to buy some of her DMT. It was about 2:00 AM when we got to my buddy's house, the pretty rave girl pulled out of her nomnomnommy cleavage, the universe wrapped in a bitty crumb of tin-foil and gave it to us in exchange for a piece of green paper. I knew that DMT was the ultimate psychedelic, the fuckin' Caddy. And the shit wasn't to be taken lightly. Well we went inside and just kinda sat and thought in silence for a good while about what we were about to do before we prepared the bowl. And the significance, I mean, this is as far as it goes. Smoking DMT. Supposedly the ultimate life experience. The substance smelled and appeared just as McKenna described his first dose of DMT, orangish, smelled kinda like scary moth balls, except mine wasn't in crystalline shape anymore, it had been smooshed to powder, but that obviously didn't damper the experience.

We went outside. By now it is nearly 4 in the morning, so we weren't worried about someone stumbling upon us in the apartments. We sat on the grass, the same grassy area where I've tripped many times. There was a dead tree to the left that always had some weird significance to me, and a clear starry sky above. We sat cross-legged about a foot apart from each other and I thought, still tripping acid 'Am I ready for this?' Right when I thought this, I looked to left, and about 20 feet away was a deer, standing in the middle of the apartment complex, staring me dead in my eyes. I asked 'Is that a deer.' My friend said 'yeah' and I lit the bowl. This took away any doubt I had about the authenticity of psychedelics being 'real'. And not just some random chemical that fucks us up. You can imagine what this did for my trip.

First 3 or so minutes of trip~
100 mgs were in the bowl, but I probably smoked about 70 mgs

I don't really remember the timeline except the come up, peak, then baseline. In a 3 minute eternity on earth, in this life (this 'life' is so short compared to infinity, it's literally nothing) and since I knew what forever was, the thought of being dead in a matter of 'time' was extremely unnerving and terrifying, as time doesn't exist in infinity. Hell I still woulda been freaked if we live a million years), a few of those ultimate questions, and truths, were WHOLLY, viciously, intensely blasted unto the being of my very existence an infinite (yes, I could comprehend infinity!) number of times like two universal mirrors reflecting each other into infinity, without mercy, for I dared to merge with the spirit of the universe and beyond, something that is an unyielding all-knowing one-ness that will un-teach and probe into your soul, so that it can re-teach what 'real' is, what matters. It enables the understanding that there are other ways, and there are places where (wherever DMT takes your soul) this universe is nothing and doesn't exist, and re-teach the way everything is in this one of infinite ways existence can be.

Last 2-3 minutes of trip~
After the peak, I (Didn't know 'I' existed at the time, so assume 'everything that is one' for 'I'. 'Everything that is one' is the best way to describe it even though it's impossible to express in any form of communication besides through the Spirit Molecule what 'I' actually was.) was in the process of re-realizing everything I had ever known of existing in this life after unlearning and then learning, knowing, comprehending and ultimately being completely one with another existence, consciousness, reality, state of being, universe, dimension, and everything entirely that I never knew was possible or existed in 3 minutes time. It's an unbelievable irony that I could completely comprehend this state I was in and the impossibilities that I was completely wrapping my mind around, in and out of. I mean, it was far more complex and higher than anything humans could perceive, but in this normal world where physics and matter exists, we have been for our entire existence yet we can't think past numbers!

I uttered 'water' to my friend, who was sitting across from me the whole time through the experience. I needed something, and since I was starting to become re-connected by a thread, I could utter what I need to live here, but I still wasn't sure anything would happen when I said water, because I learned what 'water' is during this life, but had just unlearned, so I didn't know that water was or existed even though I said it. Frankly, it scared the piss outa me. 'I' thought 'I' needed whatever it could be or was. Well he didn't get me the water; I probably would have been back by the time he got it anyway. So about a minute after I asked, hyper-ventilating, tears streaming down my face, freakin the fuck out, I went and poured a glass of water and sipped it, thankful I wasn't shitting myself about water being real, because nothing could've been better at that moment than cold, smooth, pure liquid life flowing down my spicy DMTed esophagus. God, that smell, that taste. So unnerving. I cried/laughed/moaned/gasped at the impossibility of what just happened for about 20 minutes afterwards, and was outright sobbing for a few minutes at one point. I was awake for about an hour after the toke before I smoked to get to sleep, else I woulda been up for ages.

The visuals were the most intense I've ever experienced, except they weren't visual visuals, like; I saw them in between my eyes and brain? Third eye? I apologize for not giving full detail of the visual experience, I know they were outrageous, but honestly I don't remember very much of what I 'saw'. I don't think my brain had room for everything it was becoming, so it kinda didn't remember the less important things. Tight coiling maze-like patterns with eyes closed at one point coming up, then a visual part of the peak I do remember is just kinda a few frames when I was looking at my friend in the eyes, and there was a line divided symmetrically through him with 'everything' constantly cycling through each side, although each side was different, it was exactly the same because of the constant balance kept by the cycling, (sort of like how when you spin a top it stays upright) and the perfect symmetry together with the 'one' I was perceiving/becoming kept it perfect. Everything I witnessed was in beautiful, impossible, chaotic, terrifying, synchronous, harmony. This scene was being blasted into me along with an infinite number of infinities, and reflected back infinite times. If there is anything in this world that can represent DMT visuals its Alex Grey's work, but you still can't get close. I don't fuckin know man It/I/everything was just all one.

If you've never experienced DMT, chances are you don't get 90 % of what I'm saying. A DMT trip makes complete sense, just not in this state/universe/where whatever. Or maybe you kinda get it I don't know. All I KNOW is that Dimethyl-tryptamine is the answer to the fucking universe and that's why it's illegal. Mother earth and what she yields, including each other, is everything we need to be happy and sustained. Period. The DMT experience has left me with a lasting euphoria and peace of mind that would be the ultimate anti-depressant.

Exp Year: 2010ExpID: 88428
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 16 
Published: Feb 7, 2016Views: 10,039
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DMT (18) : First Times (2), Glowing Experiences (4), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Mystical Experiences (9), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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